The Friday Clock-Watcher's Guide to NFL Week 11

I have a confession to make.

My name is Nick Kostos. I'm 30 years old, and I'm exhausted.

You know, it's truly incredible. As you get older, it doesn't matter how many hours you sleep. You're still absolutely shot by the next afternoon.

And that phenomenon gets exponentially worse as winter rolls around. There's just something about looking outside and seeing total darkness at 5 p.m. that damages both the soul and one's desire to stay awake.

It's Friday, and the workweek is almost over. But man, those hours are going to go by slowly. It's as if the clock is drenched in molasses. 

I know you're tired. I know you can't wait for the weekend.

But fret not, my dear cube monkey. Sunday is almost here. And with it comes an entire day's worth of quality entertainment, presented to you by the National Football League.

So pound that cup of coffee, smile and feast your eyes on the Friday clock-watcher's guide to NFL Week 11.

Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Dolphins

Donald Miralle/Getty Images

Sunday's matchup in Miami between the 4-5 Chargers and 4-5 Dolphins is a huge one, and not just because of the playoff implications.

It also provides a clinic on how not to parent, which will be very useful for San Diego quarterback Philip Rivers.

Rivers is the proud father of seven children. 

Read that sentence again.

Seven children. Seven. As in, one more than six and one less than eight. Rivers has probably spent as much time in the bedroom as he has in the film room.

It's a number that would make Antonio Cromartie blush.

No, seriously. Imagine that. Seven children! I'm 30 years old, and the prospect of having one kid is absolutely terrifying. But here's Phil Rivers, throwing caution to the wind, pumping out babies like he's throwing touchdown passes.

Anyway, all Rivers has to do Sunday is tell his children to watch daddy's game. CBS will surely devote a lot of time and energy to the Richie Incognito/Jonathan Martin bullying scandal, and no one wants their child acting like Incognito.

So, to any parents out there that would rather watch football Sunday than dole out parenting advice: Flip to Chargers/Dolphins and let the broadcast do the job for you.

You're welcome.

Reunited and It Feels so Good

Christian Petersen/Getty Images

Loyalty is a funny thing, especially in the office.

We've all experienced it in some form or another. There's always some dude who used to be amazing at his job that still keeps getting plum assignments and major opportunities, solely on the strength of his past work. And more often than not, it comes from a boss who feels loyalty toward his one-time star employee.

That exact scenario unfolded Thursday when the Jets and coach Rex Ryan signed safety Ed Reed, who was recently cut by the Texans. Of course, Ryan coached Reed when he was the defensive coordinator in Baltimore.

To say that Reed's skills have slightly diminished would be like saying Toronto mayor Rob Ford's approval rating has taken a small nosedive. He's now a shell of his former self, bad enough that he was cut by Houston after half a season.

But that doesn't matter to Ryan. He's loyal to Reed, and still thinks his former star pupil can get it done on the field.

So, the question is this: Does misguided office loyalty piss you off? Or do you think it's just a function of society?

Either way, Sunday's game between the Jets and Bills is for you.

The Hope of a City

Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

Earlier this week, Bears receiver Brandon Marshall talked trash about the city of Detroit. It was a major case of sour grapes, as the Lions had just gotten done putting the finishing touches on a season sweep of their Windy City rivals.

It was an insensitive jab that was very much unwarranted, and will hopefully only serve to pump up the Lions for the remainder of the campaign.

Think about it: you're from Detroit. You grew up a huge Lions fan. Chances are, you haven't seen the team win anything in your lifetime. Now, your team is on the cusp of its first division title since 1993 (1993!!!!), and you have to deal with a rival player spitting fire about your hometown's financial issues.

Now, the Lions represent the hope of a city. They're 6-3, and playing tremendous football. On Sunday, if they can beat the Steelers, they'll be in the driver's seat for the NFC North title.

So, unless you're the fan of a rival NFC North team (or Marshall), pop in that DVD of 8 Mile, throw an octopus onto your local ice rink and start rooting hard for the Lions.

The city needs them.

The Bad Commercial Bowl

Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images

Seriously, have there ever been two worse athletes at making commercials than 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick and Saints quarterback Drew Brees?

Brees had the hubris to hijack the Wrangler commercials from Brett Favre. While Favre will confuse no one with De Niro, he at least brings an untold entertainment value. The only entertainment Brees brings is the large mole on his face. He's awful in every commercial he's in.

As for Kaepernick...my word. The man makes Tom Green in Freddy Got Fingered seem like Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad. Those McDonald's commercials with Joe Flacco should be shown in every amateur acting class as what not to do.

So, when the 49ers and Saints do battle this Sunday in the Superdome, be prepared for commercial overload. You're going to see so much of Kaepernick and Brees during the breaks that your head will spin.

And you know what? It's going to be massively entertaining.

Pretend you're Richard Roeper and critique both men's performances. I promise it will be some of the most fun you'll have all Sunday.

This Week in Gambling

Christopher Polk/Getty Images

Hopefully, you didn't listen to me last week when I recommended the Titans as the survivor pool pick.

Hell, I didn't listen to me last week. I went to the Raiders/Giants game at MetLife Stadium, so in true degenerate fashion, I changed my pick to Big Blue to spice the action up a bit, and ended up winning my pool when every other schmuck picked Tennessee.

As a result, my wallet is considerably fuller this week. If I'm rubbing salt in your Titan-sized wound, I'd apologize, but I'm too busy counting my money.

Anyway, if you're one of the lucky ones still alive in your survivor pool (like me!), the best choices this week are Houston and Arizona.

Now, I normally don't advocate taking road teams, but the Cardinals should be able to easily dispatch the Jaguars. Jacksonville won their Super Bowl last Sunday as they avoided an 0-16 campaign. They won't be as fired up this week. Take the Cardinals with confidence.

Now, onto actual gambling.

I am obsessed with the Chiefs/Broncos line this week. It fascinates me to no end. 

The Chiefs are 9-0, but are as much as a nine-point underdog on the road at 8-1 Denver. 

This is one of of those lines where Vegas is just begging you to take the underdog. They are expecting you to look at that line and think, "How in the world could a 9-0 team be that big of an underdog?"

There's a reason why. It's because the Broncos are going to blow their effing doors off.

Don't get sucked in. Don't bet the Chiefs and their pop-gun offense. Don't believe the hype that Alex Smith can match Peyton Manning touchdown-for-touchdown.

Lay the points with Denver and thank me Monday morning.

And hey, if I'm wrong, at least I have my survivor pool money to fall back on, right?