Ranking the 18 Best Bad Guys from Sports Movies

Nick Dimengo@@itsnickdimengoFeatured ColumnistAugust 11, 2013

Ranking the 18 Best Bad Guys from Sports Movies

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    As we know, there have been a ton of solid sports movies out there.

    Combining all the qualities of a good action, drama, comedy or yes, even a romantic movie into one, sports flicks are often among our favorites. 

    Since most films have a bad guy, I'm ranking the worst of the worst from sports movies ever. The ones who defined dirty and made it tough for anyone to like them.

    So grab some popcorn and see the drama unfold as I countdown to No. 1.

18. The Beast (The Sandlot)

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    As it turned out, the Beast might not have been a villain for the entire movie. Since every single kid can pretty much relate with that one big dog or neighbor who always terrified you, however, I had to add him in.

    In one of the greatest chase scenes ever, Benny outruns the giant dog and instantly becomes a legend. 

17. Baron Wolfgang Von Wolfhausen (Beerfest)

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    Is drinking a sport?

    Not technically.

    But I (like many other people) do take drinking games pretty damn seriously.

    For that reason, I added this guy, Baron Wolfgang Von Wolfhausen, who was technically the German team's coach in this all-out drunkfest of a movie.

    If you want to learn how to chug properly at a tailgate—and talk mega crap before doing so—take some notes on "Das Boot" scene. (Note: NSFW)

16. White Goodman (Dodgeball)

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    Aren't guys like White Goodman still out there?

    Yeah, and I like to call them "Broners."

    You know the guys. They talk themselves up, try way too hard with the ladies and think that getting swole is the way to intimidate people.

    Even after stacking his team with what appears to be American Gladiators, Goodman has a tough time disposing of the underdog, Average Joe's team.

15. Bill Hurley (Over the Top)

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    If the Las Vegas Jail Security Officer hat wasn't enough to convince you Bill Hurley was a bad dude, how about him admitting that his best qualities are "driving trucks, breaking arms and arm wrestling"?

    With him taunting Lincoln Hawk (Sylvester Stallone) and trying his damnedest to ridicule him the entire match, Hawk tries his best to put the bad guy to shame with his signature move.

14. Everyone but Jamaica (Cool Runnings)

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    I want to thank Disney for getting one of the best songs from a sports movie ever.

    I often hum "Jamaica we have a bobsled team" at the most random times.

    I also want to toss out props for every other country, winter Olympics fan and reporter portrayed in this movie for ever doubting "lightning on ice," because while I have an impossible time believing John Candy could ever pass as a former bobsledder himself, his team didn't turn away from the outside haters.

13. David Simms (Tin Cup)

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    That's a big boy move right there.

    After brashly stating that he could outdrive PGA golfer David Simms (Don Johnson) with a seven-iron, Roy "Tin Cup" McAvoy (Kevin Costner) finds out that brains comes into play a little bit more than brawn sometimes.

    McAvoy may have killed his 227 (as he so boldly states), but Simms shows him up by letting his ball bounce down a gravel road to earn the long-distance challenge.

    This was only the beginning of their feud.

12. Rachel Phelps (Major League)

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    As someone who actually had to live through a Cleveland team actually moving out of town (thanks Art Modell), this one was a little more real than I would have wanted.

    After being a Vegas dancer, Rachel Phelps (Margaret Whitton) inherits the Indians from her deceased husband. 

    Hating the fact that the team plays in Cleveland, she hopes they play bad enough so she can move the team elsewhere.

    Taking away simple amenities like hot water and a stable airplane, the Tribe does its best for her not to get her wish.

11. Jean Girard (Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby)

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    Every once in awhile, I toss out questions on my Twitter account to get suggestions from my followers on who they want to see in upcoming articles.

    Thanks to Kevin Abbott, he reminded me about Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen) from Talladega Nights, who tried bringing down Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) on the track.

    The Frenchman was hyped as the next big thing as he pushed Ricky aside, but you better believe that Ricky Bobby wasn't going to lose to someone who wasn't from 'Merica!

10. Billie "The Blue Bear" (Million Dollar Baby)

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    Originally forgetting about just how bad this chick was, I was reminded by my editor that Billie "The Blue Bear" (Lucia Rijker) wasn't exactly someone you'd want to bring home to Mom.

    As an ex-prostitute, her fighting style was bullish and dirty. We should have seen what was coming for prized fighter Maggie Fitzgerald (Hilary Swank).

    Hit with a sucker punch after a round had ended, Maggie fell and hit her head on the corner stool, leaving her paralyzed.

    I don't know about you, but any person pulling that kind of stunt probably isn't described as being nice.

9. Jack Parkman (Major League 2)

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    When Major League 2 first came out, I had really hoped that not all professional athletes were like Jack Parkman (David Keith).

    Arrogant, undermining and disrespectful, Parkman played for himself and didn't give a damn about any of his other teammates.

    Though there have been clubhouse cancers in real sports, not too many would stack up against the shimmying Parkman.

8. Roy Turner (The Bad News Bears)

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    Yes, Morris Buttermaker (Walter Matthau) was a jerk who drank way too much and didn't give a damn about coaching a youth baseball team. The Yankees skipper Roy Turner (Vic Morrow) was even worse—mainly because it was so real.

    You see, Turner was that over-competitive Dad who was always yelling at his kid before, during and after the game. He coached because he was trying to relive his glory days through his son.

    He may not be a villain in the truest sense of the word, but most little league kids saw or had a dad just like this guy, which took away their love for the game.

7. Warden Hazen (The Longest Yard)

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    It's been awhile since I've seen the original The Longest Yard flick, but one thing I didn't forget about it is the vindictive brutality of Warden Hazen (Eddie Albert).

    The entire plot is based around inmates playing football, so you'd think it'd take a lot for the audience to feel compassion towards the felons playing the sport, right?

    Not with this flick, as Hazen pits his inmates against the prison guards in an attempt to teach them a lesson.

6. Bud Kilmer (Varsity Blues)

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    I get it, high school football is huge in Texas.

    But does that mean the coach of teenage kids gets to be a complete tool to them?

    Bud Kilmer (Jon Voight) was the absolute epitome of an overly aggressive coach. He was just cruel into his players. 

    Though I tend to see the same similarities in Kilmer as I do Alabama head coach Nick Saban (only kidding Bama fans—kind of), I doubt any Tide player would ever stand up to Saban like West Canaan's locker room did in Varsity Blues. (Note: NSFW)

5. Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson (D2: The Mighty Ducks)

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    Known as "The Dentist" because he once punched out his own coach in the NHL, Iceland was led to the Junior Goodwill Games by Wolf Stansson (Carsten Norgaard), and boy was he a jerk.

    Building a quick rivalry with Team USA coach, Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez), Stansson found out why no one should ever mess with the "Minnesota Miracle Man."

    Even after slashing the bum knee of Bombay in a random three-posts shootout, Wolf proved to be classless till the end, blaming star Gunnar Stahl (Scott Whyte) for a missed penalty shot in the title game.

4. Chong Li (Bloodsport)

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    There aren't too many guys capable of going head-to-head with mixed martial artist, Jean-Claude Van Damme, but dammit, don't tell that to actor Bolo Yeung. He was one of the best opponents in several movies alongside Van Damme.

    I specifically liked him best (or worst) in Bloodsport, where he's not only defending an already illegal, underground tournament title, but doesn't know when to stop just annihilating his opponents.

3. Shooter McGavin (Happy Gilmore)

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    If you didn't already know how good Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald) is, let him tell you.

    With one of the cockiest attitudes to ever play the game of golf, Shooter wasn't exactly a fan of Happy Gilmore's (Adam Sandler) long drive.

    Trying to get Gilmore kicked off tour for fighting Bob Barker (Note: NSFW), buying Happy's grandma's house and for basically being that guy everyone wants to punch in the face, Shooter was as ruthless as he was good.

2. John Kreese (The Karate Kid)

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    While an argument can be made that John Kreese's (Martin Kove) pupil, Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka) is a villain in his own right, the poor kid was always just following his sensei's instructions, so I can't just fault him.

    In essence though, that's what makes John Kreese one of the best villains ever, because he literally brainwashed his students to go for blood.

    And if any of his kids stood up to him, their sensei showed them how sick he really was.

1. Ivan Drago (Rocky IV)

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    Come on now, Rocky IV's Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren) has to be No. 1 on this list.

    Built like a genetic machine to destroy everyone who tried to take him down, the giant Russian wasn't just satisfied with winning. He made it a point to make sure his opponent left on a damn stretcher—just ask Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers).

    Drago was terrifying for a ton of different reasons, but the one that might be best was that, like a guard dog, he was trained to absolutely attack.