Cal Bears Sorry About All the Losses, Want You to Enjoy a Rocky Road Candy Bar

The Cal Bears cannot guarantee wins or that you will enjoy how the upcoming season might unfold, but they can send candy bars through the mail in an attempt to woo potential ticket holders. 

Consider yourselves wooed. 

Larry Brown of Larry Brown Sports reports on a picture and a letter that serves to illustrate the lengths the Cal Golden Bears' ticket department will go to keep their season ticket holders. 

According to the report, a "friend of LBS" canceled their season tickets and received a letter and a candy bar in the mail as a last-ditch effort to turn their fan's frown upside down enough to warrant a reconsideration of their decision. 

First, the candy bar: 

Yes, that is a direct pull from LBS, and the image has not been doctored to look any more depressing than it already had. 

Now the letter: 

Ah, get it?

You see the Golden Bears have suffered a "rocky road," so they offered a Rocky Road they hope will be more appetizing. In our humble opinion, it isn't. 

I say forget the play on words and send me a Whatchamacallit or Snickers bar. 

As noted, the Golden Bears were 3-9 last season and enjoyed a nice 15-22 run over the past three years. 

Being a Cal alum, I suffered through a few years of tumult as a student season ticket holder. I will now sit by the mailbox and await my treasure trove of delicacies for the ill-fated Tom Holmoe era as well as the particularly spectacular season when Cal went 1-10 back in 2001 (Rutgers just couldn't let Cal have a perfectly awful season that year).

Things looked bright under Jeff Tedford, until they didn't. "Tedford is God" T-shirts that enveloped the campus were quickly thrown away or placed under a pile of clothes in a drawer fans wouldn't dare open. 

Now, Cal has Sonny Dykes and the promise of an abundance of touchdowns and captivating offensive prowess. 

But if that doesn't work out, fans can always turn to binge eating candy bars. 

Way to go, Cal. The season hasn't started, and I'm already depressed. 

Hit me up on Twitter, or don't; I'm too sad to care: 

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