Over-35 English Premier League XI

Vladimir Lenin once stated: "He who has the youth, has the future."

And an equally controversial figure from history, Sam Tighe, published the English Premier League 2012-13 Season: Best Under-21 XI Of The Year a few hours ago.

Being young is all well and good, but there's a lot to be said about experience. This was proven in the Championship Playoff final when a 39-year-old Kevin Phillips penalty sent Crystal Palace to the promised land of the Premier League.

So, we're making a starting XI of players in the upcoming Premier League season over the age of 35. We'll teach these whipper-snappers a thing or two.

GK: Brad Friedel

The only position in this team where there is actually competition.

Big bad Brad beats the likes of Jussi Jääskeläinen and Mark Schwarzer and not just because his name is much easier to spell than theirs.

Friedel's time at Spurs looked over when France captain Hugo Lloris was signed, but he has managed to fight him for regular football in between the sticks at White Hart Lane and he has even signed a new contract keeping him at the club until 2014.

This means he'll be 43 by the time his contract's up. Wilfred Zaha will retire before Friedel does.

CB: Sylvain Distin

We're playing a 3-5-2 formation, so we're picking Everton's Sylvain Distin as one of our centre backs.

Rafa Benitez claimed failing to sign Distin, who is 36 in December, while he was at Liverpool was the reason he never won the league.

So, with Distin in our squad, could we win the Premier League?

Probably not, you've not seen who else is in here.

CB: Abdoulaye Faye

Yeah, the trophy isn't looking too likely, is it?

Following promotion to the Premier League this month, Hull City had a major clear out of players.

However one player who survived this cull was 35-year-old Abdoulaye Faye, who was rewarded with a one-year contract.

The Senegal international, who we would deploy as a libero sweeper in this system for a laugh, has also notched up games for Bolton, Newcastle, West Ham and Stoke in his time in England—so would be invaluable in our Frankenstein's monster of a team, held together by blue-tack and happy thoughts.

CB: William Gallas

His past three clubs have been Chelsea, Arsenal and Spurs and he has been linked with a move to QPR by the Daily Mail.

So to get Gallas, who turns 36 in August, to play for our side we would have to be based in London.

We'd even let him wear the No. 10 in our team, like he likes even though he's a defender, because we're just that desperate.

LM: Ryan Giggs

An obvious choice.

Ryan Giggs—or to give him his full title football cliche title, "The Evergreen Ryan Giggs"—will be 40 when his current contract with Manchester United is up.

But retirement is still a long way off for the man who has won more league titles than 89 of the 92 clubs in English Football League, so we'll stick him on our left wing where his role will be, as described again by football cliches as, "turning back the clock."  

RM: Frank Lampard

We know Frankie isn't a natural right-sided midfielder, but beggars can't be choosers and we'd just be one of those managers that fans would complain about playing their best players out of position. We can live with that.

He might be Chelsea's all-time top scorer, but as Frank only turns 35 next month (so is only just eligible for the over-35 team for next season), he'd be the youngest member of our squad. We'd hopefully get a more senior player to take Lamps under his wing and help mentor him into fulfilling his potential.

As a compromise for being played out on the right, we'd let him take penalties.

Plus, his uncle is Harry Redknapp, so hopefully he can get him to sort our tax returns out.

CM: Giorgos Karagounis

Fulham's Karagounis was part of the Greece squad that won Euro 2004.

So, hopefully with a taste for working miracles, he'd be able to do something with our over-35 team.

He's still a decent player and a true footballing workhorse. He would be vital in both the defence and attacking efforts in his role as box-to-box midfielder.

Well, more of a box-to-sitdown-for-a-rest-to-box midfielder.

CM: Paul Scholes

Don't bother commenting! We know he has retired!

But, we're big believers in the boy who cried wolf. He's "retired" before—he was back a few months later. We're not buying it (and we're pretty desperate to fill out an eleven).

We think Scholesy, who will be 39 in November, is going to come out of retirement again this and then he can take his place in this over-35 team where he will be threading beautiful passes and committing reckless hate-tackles.

Now, go to the next slide while we finish scraping this barrel.

CM: Shaun Derry

I told you we were getting desperate.

OK, so he might play for QPR who won't be in the Premier League next season. But with his invaluable experience at teams like Crystal Palace, Leeds United and Sheffield United. Surely it's only a matter of time before one of next season's Premier League sides swoop for him. Right?

Right!?

Dropping behind the midfield and staying in front of the back three, the 35-year-old silver fox would help maintain discipline when our boys are on the back foot.

...What do you mean you've never heard of Shaun Derry?

ST: Heidar Helguson

Famous for his trademark salmon-leaping headers, Helguson on his day can be a goal machine.

His contributions in front of goal have helped drive Cardiff City to the promised land of the Premier League and he was QPR's leading scorer in their 2011/12 campaign despite missing most of the season with injury.

36 this summer, Heidar makes the team purely on the basis that there are no other strikers over 35...

...Well there is one guy...

ST: Kevin Phillips

Kevin Phillips is a no-brainer. Possibly one of the most underrated strikers of the Premier League era.

Finishing top scorer in the 1999/2000 season and with a goal-per-game average of closer to one in two at Sunderland and West Brom, we would love Super Kev in our side.

Phillips has always provided goals for whatever team he's been in and has formed some great partnerships with the likes of Niall Quinn and James Beattie (who at 35 would have made the list—if he didn't play for League Two side Accrington Stanley).

He turns 40 in July and this would make him the oldest outfield player in our side.

And, as we're currently swept up in Playoff-induced Phillipsmania, we'll even make him captain.

Have we missed anyone who you think should be in the Over-35 Premier League XI? We hope not as we spent hours trying to bleed 11 different players over 35 years old for this list.