The 100 Dumbest Injuries in Sports History

Zack Pumerantz@z_pumerantzAnalyst IIINovember 29, 2012

The 100 Dumbest Injuries in Sports History

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    Injuries in sports are like strange relatives during the holidays: frustrating and unavoidable.

    On the field, in the heat of play, they are regular occurrences. 

    But only the non-sports-related injuries, featuring the most routine props and acts known to man, become anomalies in sports history.

    For some of these athletes, a daily chore wrecked a season. For some, unnecessary stupidity. For most, simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    Let's see the worst of the worst.

    Presenting the 100 dumbest injuries in sports history.

100. Allen Watson Celebrates Too Early

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    During the 1998 season, Angels pitcher Allen Watson, 51-55 during his career, lacerated the wrist of his pitching arm while opening a beer bottle...

    The day before he was due to come off the disabled list.

99. Pervis Ellison Picks Up a Name

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    Once dubbed "Never Nervous" by inspired Louisville fans, Pervis Ellison eventually defined his pro career when he broke a toe while attempting to pick up a table.

    His nickname was rightfully adjusted to "Out of Service Pervis."

98. Kim Clijsters' Two Right Feet

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    The chicken dance is no easy task, and former top-ranked tennis player Kim Clijsters learned that the hard way last year when she stepped on someone's foot at her cousin Tim's wedding party (likely attempting to engage in some form of the chicken dance).

    The ankle mishap cost her six weeks.

97. Orlando Brown's Eye

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    During the 1999 season, referee Jeff Triplette accidentally pegged Cleveland's Orlando Brown in the eye by a penalty marker weighted with ball bearings.

    The 360-pound behemoth sued the NFL for the damage caused to his eye, which ended his career prematurely (excluding a comeback with the Ravens in 2003).

96. Lindsey Vonn's Victory Cut

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    Star skier Lindsey Vonn showed the sporting world in 2009 why champagne needs to be replaced as the victory drink of choice.

    While celebrating her world-championship downhill victory in 2009, Vonn picked up a broken bottle and sliced a tendon in her thumb as she attempted to pop it.

95. Kendrys Morales' Grand Slam

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    After hitting a walk-off grand slam off Brandon League and the Mariners in 2010, a jubilant Kendrys Morales leaped toward home plate.

    Instead of landing on the plate, his awkward descent led to a broken leg.

    This ended his '10 season, and eventually his entire 2011 campaign too.

94. Mikhail Youzhny's Head-Banging Ways

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    After making John McEnroe look like a Buddhist monk, tennis star Mikhail Youzhny won the next seven points in the 2008 Miami Masters, took the tiebreaker and won the match.

93. Chris Coghlan Battles the Pie

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    In 2010, reigning NL Rookie of the Year Chris Coghlan tore the meniscus in his left knee while delivering a pie to the face of teammate Wes Helms, following the latter's bases-loaded single in the 11th inning of a 5-4 victory over Atlanta.

    He was just trying to fit in.

92. Vladimir Radmanovic's Snowy Adventure

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    Vladimir Radmanovic told the Lakers in 2007 that he separated his shoulder after slipping on some ice while bringing his friends coffee.

    Turned out the clueless small forward went snowboarding for the first time over the All-Star Weekend (a direct violation of his contract).

    He was fined $500,000 for lying.

91. Brandon Marshall's McAccident

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    While still on the Broncos in 2008, talented hands man Brandon Marshall allegedly slipped on a McDonald's wrapper and smashed his right forearm into his entertainment system in an attempt to stabilize himself.

    The story was questioned, as was Marshall's diet.

90. Milton Bradley's Temper

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    Milton Bradley was never one to hold back his emotions.

    But in September 2007, the talented yet controversial outfielder finally felt his own heat.

    While being restrained by Padres manager Bud Black during an altercation with first-base umpire Mike Winters, Bradley tore his ACL.

89. LaRon Landry Gets Painted

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    As a rookie, LaRon Landry was undoubtedly excited to engage in some strong team-building activities with his new Redskin mates.

    Turned out the innocent game of paintball wasn't so harmless and friendly, as Landry was shot in the groin, keeping him in a limping state through his first minicamp.

88. Alan Wright's New Car

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    A Premiership veteran, 5'4" defender Alan Wright decided to finally treat himself to a sexy Ferrari. Then, after only compiling 1,000 miles on the vehicle, it became clear Wright was straining his knee every time he stepped on the gas (aren't phone books the typical lift?). 

    He traded it in for a club-sponsored Rover instead.

87. Lionel Simmons' Addiction

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    Like an enormous percentage of the world's youth, Kings rookie Lionel Simmons fell for the addictive Game Boy system like a mafia informant in the Hudson River. As a result, he developed tendinitis in his left wrist and forearm and had to miss two games.

86. Russell Branyan's Rough Wakeup

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    The former Mariners slugger bruised his toe when he knocked over a hotel room table and it fell on him as he tried to close curtains early in the morning.

    Not quite the breakfast of champions he was looking for.

85. Brian Cushing's Insanity

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    Allow Dave Chappelle to detail our reactions to Brian Cushing's madness.

84. Steve Morrow's Winning Toss

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    After scoring the winning goal in the League Cup final for Arsenal against Sheffield Wednesday in 1993, 22-year-old Steve Morrow was lifted onto the shoulders of Tony Adams, who almost just as quickly dropped him...

    Breaking his collarbone and eventually keeping him out of the FA Cup Final.

83. Tom Glavine's Stomach Issues

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    While throwing up an in-flight meal in 1992, stud southpaw Tom Glavine broke a rib.

    Like many airborne passengers before him.

82. Ken Griffey Jr. in a Bind

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    Ken Griffey Jr. displayed the sweetest swing the baseball world has ever seen.

    Unfortunately, injuries hindered an otherwise legendary career.

    Griffey, in fitting fashion, once missed a game because his protective cup slipped and ended up pinching his testicle.

    He rarely caught a break.

81. Santiago Canizares' Disastrous Shave

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    Imagine if the Super Bowl only happened every four years; well, that's how soccer fans feel about the World Cup.

    Unfortunately, Spanish goalie Santiago Canizares missed his chance to play in the '02 tournament when he dropped a bottle of aftershave, lacerating a tendon in his foot.

80. Francisco Rodriguez and the In-Laws

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    The former Mets closer tore a thumb ligament in his pitching hand, likely the result of punching his girlfriend's father at Citi Field.

79. Brad Gruner Meets Halloween

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    Dual-threat New Mexico signal-caller Brad Gruner needed season-ending surgery after he sliced his pinky during the traditional carving of a pumpkin in 2010.

78. Moises Alou Stays Fit

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    In 1999, outfielder Moises Alou, known for urinating on his own hands to strengthen them, tore his ACL after falling off a treadmill.

    Props for keeping in shape, though.

77. Chic Brodie's Pooch Encounter

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    Brentford goalkeeper Chic Brodie collided with a dog that had raced onto the pitch back in November 1970.

    Brodie shattered his kneecap and never played again, while the dog escaped unscathed.

    "The dog may have been small," he said, "but it just happened to be solid."

76. Wade Boggs' Swag

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    Lover of chicken, swinger of bats, drinker of beers.

    Wade Boggs made his final mark when he hurt his back trying to take off his cowboy boots.

75. Jose Theodore's Icy Drop

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    Despite making a living off gliding on ice, NHL goaltender Jose Theodore actually strained his Achilles tendon by slipping on ice outside of his house.

74. Jeff Kent's Supposedly Soapy Attempt

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    Two years after winning the NL MVP award, second baseman Jeff Kent became an instant league-wide joke when he broke a bone in his left wrist while washing his truck in 2002. However, it turns out he really injured himself pulling stunts on his motorcycle.

73. David Cone Gets Chewed

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    June 3, 1998: The New York Daily News reports that Yankees pitcher David Cone is bitten on the index finger of his right pitching hand by his mother's four-month-old Jack Russell terrier named Veronica.

    Orlando Hernandez earns his first start since arriving from Cuba due to the unlikely injury.

72. Dave Beasant Drops the Mayo

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    Rumor has it that in 1993, Chelsea goalie Dave Beasant cut a tendon in his big toe by dropping a large glass jar of salad cream—whatever that is—on his foot.

71. Kyle Farnsworth's Fiery Nature

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    After giving up six runs in the ninth inning to the Houston Astros in 2004, fireballer Kyle Farnsworth took his frustrations out on an electric fan.

    He sprained and bruised his right knee as a result, earning a trip to the DL.

70. Brian Griese Trips Down Stairs

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    Brian Griese allegedly sprained his ankle in 2002 after tripping over his dog on a flight of stairs, and he missed a game as a result.

    Some believe it was the family legacy of personal recklessness (son of Hall of Famer Bob Griese) instead.

69. Joel Zumaya Becomes a Rock Star

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    Due to a groupie-like addiction to PlayStation's Guitar Hero, promising reliever Joel Zumaya had to miss three games of the 2006 ALCS.

    Inflammation in the wrist and forearm isn't rare for true musicians.

68. Adam Eaton Scripts His Own Film

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    In 2001, his first full season in the majors, pitcher Adam Eaton offered quite the first impression when he stabbed himself in the stomach with a pocket knife as he struggled to open a DVD package.

    Yeah, that's a familiar frustration.

67. Mark Smith Searches for Air Flow

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    Former outfielder Mark Smith stuck his hand into an air conditioner to allegedly find out why it wasn't working.

    It was working—and sliced his hand.

66. David Batty Gets Tricycled

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    Retired English footballer David Batty re-aggravated an injured Achilles tendon when he was run over by his toddler's tricycle.

    Jaywalking, we believe.

65. A.J. Burnett's Sacrifice Bunt

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    While honing a part of his craft that needed honing, pitcher A.J. Burnett naturally bunted a ball off his own face, leading to a broken orbital bone that forced him to miss two to three months.

64. Kazuhiro Sasaki Is Lost off the Mound

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    In 2003, Kazuhiro Sasaki showed the world why pro athletes really do need assistants. The established hurler hurt himself carrying a suitcase up the stairs (still questioned).

63. Oliver Perez Forgets the Cling-Free

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    Back in 2005, southpaw Oliver Perez, one of baseball's promising young pitchers, broke his left big toe after kicking a laundry cart due to frustrations from a rough outing.

    The cart didn't press charges, but Perez did land on the DL.

62. Owen Schmitt's Madness

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    Fullback Owen Schmitt simply loving the game of football to the max.

61. Jason Isringhausen Throws Out the Trash

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    Weeks before stabbing himself in the leg while attempting to open a package, the pitcher broke his hand while punching a trash can.

60. Glenallen Hill's Spider Problem

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    Glenallen Hill reached the DL in 1990 due to cuts endured from smashing a glass table while dreaming he was being attacked by spiders, an animal he truly fears.

59. Chris Hanson Gets Axed

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    Rookie coach Jack Del Rio (now the defensive coordinator in Denver) curiously motivated his Jaguars during his first year as head honcho.

    He placed a stump of oak and an axe in the locker room to preach "keep chopping wood" to his players.

    Pro Bowl punter Chris Hanson, however, lost sight of the goal when he axed his right foot while wielding the weapon, eventually missing one month as a result.

58. Carlos Zambrano's Family Matters

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    The animated fireballer got tendinitis in 2005 after spending too much time on the computer surfing the web and instant-messaging friends and family back in Venezuela.

57. Kevin Mitchell's Pastry Mistake

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    Known for once straining an abdominal muscle while vomiting, former outfielder Kevin Mitchell soon became a legend when he microwaved a doughnut, bit into it and required a root canal as a result.

    Doughnut remains the other white meat.

56. Lucas Duda Loses Power

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    Lucas Duda, a 6'4" tree with a powerful approach, fractured his right wrist in November while moving furniture at his apartment, defining the life of a fringe minor-league player.

55. John Smoltz Burns Himself

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    As the story goes, John Smoltz decided to save some time by ironing his shirt while wearing it.

    And failed.

54. Adam Chapman's Fatherhood Story

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    While preparing hot milk for his baby recently, Oxford United's Adam Chapman forgot to tighten the bottle properly and shook the contents to cool them down.

    The boiling substance flew onto his shirt, and Chapman had to be taken to the hospital with what's known as burnt nipple.

53. Marty Cordova Forgets the Gym and Laundry

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    The former Rookie of the Year missed a game after falling asleep in a tanning bed before the game.

    He instantly became the inspiration for Jersey Shore.

52. Brian Anderson Tests the Heat

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    Former Diamondbacks pitcher Brian Anderson, the same man who once allegedly developed elbow stiffness from leaving his arm across the back seat of a taxi too long, scripted a brilliant encore when he tested the temperature of an iron by pressing it to his jaw.

    It was scorching.

51. Gus Frerotte Gets Too Excited

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    Gus Frerotte rarely scored touchdowns, but when he did, he preferred to purposely injure himself afterward.

50. Roger Craig Is a Casanova

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    While manager of the Giants, former pitcher Roger Craig cut his hand on a bra strap.

    And instantly became a legend.

49. Grant Balfour Gets Too Warmed Up

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    The Rays reliever once missed four to six weeks after suffering an intercostal strain while horsing around with Rays pitching coach Jim Hickey.

    A diamond warm-up, however, remains crucial.

48. Kevin Brown's Rough 2004

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    Toward the end of his injury-plagued 2004 season, a highly-paid Kevin Brown decided to punch the wall in frustration, injuring his hand.

    In Game 7 of the American League Championship Series, he gave up five earned runs in less than two innings of work.

47. Nolan Ryan's Strange Wilderness

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    Nolan Ryan was once bitten by a coyote and still pitched a six-hitter.

46. Joe Sakic Gets Snowblown

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    Colorado Avalanche captain Joe Sakic, already out with back problems in 2008, broke three fingers on his left hand while attempting to start a snowblower.

    He would retire shortly after.

45. Vince Coleman's Playoff Punishment

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    Former outfielder Vince Coleman was injured during the 1985 NLCS when the grounds crew at Busch Stadium hit him with the mechanical tarp as they were covering the field.

44. Ronaldo's Mic Check

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    Brazilian striker Ronaldo returned to action in 2009 following a 13-month knee-injury rehabilitation.

    Unfortunately, while being surrounded by a ferocious media following their Copa Brasil game, the legendary footballer was pegged in the eye with a microphone.

43. Jason Arnott's Friendly Fire

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    Jason Arnott didn't expect excited teammate Alexander Radulov to nail him into the boards. But it happened, and Arnott sustained a hefty concussion.

42. Kevin Johnson's Bear Hug

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    After hitting a game-winning shot with the Suns, Kevin Johnson got an expected hug from a joyful Charles Barkley.

    He was no match for the Round Mound of Rebound, as Johnson was injured by the 240-pound embrace.

41. Bill Gramatica Celebrates and Falls

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    Bill Gramatica showed the world why he's a kicker when he tore his ACL celebrating a 42-yard field the first quarter.

40. Clarence Blethen Bites His Own Rear

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    Red Sox pitcher Clarence Blethen only reached base once in his career. But during this 1923 trip around the bases, Blethen put his false teeth in his back pocket.

    When he slid into second base, the teeth crunched his rear, and he had to be taken out due to excessive bleeding.

39. Tim Duncan Gets Old

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    Last season, Tim Duncan was listed on the lineup sheet with one of the craziest injuries ever scripted on a lineup sheet.

    At 35 years old, the legendary Spurs forward was given a night off due to an injury known as "Old."

    It's incurable and apparently only getting worse.

    Duncan, however, still managed to get a technical from the bench.

38. Sammy Sosa's Sneeze

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    Once-popular slugger Sammy Sosa retired with a controversial legacy in place.

    But the defining moment of his possibly juiced career came in 2004, when two innocent sneezes brought on back spasms and a tenured seat on the bench.

37. Paulo Diogo's Wedding Pains

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    The Servette midfielder climbed a metal perimeter fence in celebration of setting up his team's third goal during a game against Schaffhausen in the Swiss Super League back in 2004.

    Not only did his wedding ring get caught and his finger tear off, but the referee handed him a yellow card for excessive wasting of time.

36. Joba Chamberlain Jumps Around

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    While recovering from elbow ligament replacement surgery, injury-prone hurler Joba Chamberlain dislocated his ankle...jumping on a trampoline with his son.

35. Tony Allen Ignores the Whistle

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    Tony Allen decided to show off after the whistle in 2007, tearing his ACL and MCL in the process.

34. Jose Cardenal's Curious Wakeup

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    Literally missed a game in 1974 because he couldn't blink after sleeping funny.

33. Turk Edwards Reaches the End

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    A Hall of Fame tackle, Turk Edwards was applauded for his brute strength and ruthless aggression. Ironically, his career would end before kickoff one day in 1940.

    After the coin toss against the Giants, Edwards headed back to the sidelines and got caught in the grass, tearing his injured knee apart for good.

32. Matt Holliday's Bug Life

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    Moths are said to be harmless. Matt Holliday disagrees.

31. Colin Montgomerie Fell and Couldn't Get Up

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    Colin Montgomerie, a Scottish golfer who was hoping to win the '03 British Open, tripped before the first round, fell down and damaged his wrist.

    He had to drop out after seven holes.

30. Clint Barmes' Venison Destruction

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    A steamy start to his 2005 rookie season came to a screeching halt for shortstop Clint Barmes when he broke his collarbone after slipping while lugging a package of deer meat he received from teammate Todd Helton.

    Venison revenge.

29. Tony Gwynn Slams His Hand Shut

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    The Hall of Fame swinger fractured his finger in 1996 after slamming the car door on his hand.

28. Derrick Mason Gets 9-Ironed

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    During his time in Tennessee, Derrick Mason was among the elite in regards to catching a football.

    But when swinging a golf club, the veteran receiver served as an example of how difficult swinging at a still ball truly is.

    Forget a birdie—Mason caught a broken hand during his experience.

27. Darren Fletcher Gets Floored

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    Manchester United midfielder Darren Fletcher was once knocked out by a toilet door, requiring stitches and provoking the higher-ups to institute a new open-door policy.

26. Carlos Quentin Slams Wood

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    In 2008, while leading the league in home runs, promising outfielder Carlos Quentin got frustrated after fouling off a pitch and nailed his bat with an unwilling fist.

    He broke his wrist as a result and missed a solid dose of games.

25. Jimmie Johnson Jumps Ship

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    There's a reason Jimmie Johnson goes by the name Jimmie Johnson and not 007; he wasn't born to be a British secret service agent.

    He proved his inability to defy gravity when he got on the roof of a golf cart at a celebrity golf tournament and naturally fell off, breaking his wrist in the process.

24. Brandon Inge's Pillow Fight

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    Brandon Inge can play catcher, outfielder, infielder, left bench, mascot...any position you need on the diamond.

    But away from it, he's as durable as an injury-prone feather.

    In 2008, he strained his oblique while moving his three-year-old's pillow.

    Age creeping in yet again.

23. George Brett's Excitement

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    While doing laundry at his suburban Kansas City home during the 1983 season, Brett heard the announcement that personal favorite Bill Buckner was up to the plate for the Cubs.

    As he raced in to watch his idol, Brett jammed his foot on the door, broke a toe and was placed on the disabled list.

22. Kirk Broadfoot's Eggy Experience

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    Adding to his already hilarious name, footballer Kirk Broadfoot burned his face when a poached egg exploded in it.

    The Rangers defender soon switched to scrambled.

21. Bret Barberie's Nachos

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    Former utility man and ex-husband of sexy Canadian hostess Jillian Reynolds, Bret Barberie defined his career for good when he made a heaping pile of nachos, ate them and then put his contact lenses in without washing his hands.

    The hot sauce in his retina caused him to miss a game.

20. Thomas Levet Takes a Dive

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    After winning the French Open, Thomas Levet of France and his manager Patrice Bartez jumped into the lake on the 18th hole.

    Somewhere along the way, Levet broke his leg and was forced to miss the 2011 British Open.

19. Hunter Pence Runs Through Glass

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    He already had one of the quirkiest stances in baseball.

    Now, he has one of the weirdest stories.

    Hunter Pence missed a week of spring training workouts in 2008 after falling through a glass door at his house that he believed was closed, enduring several cuts and lacerations on his hands and knees as a result.

18. Darren Barnard's Puppy

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    Shortly after getting a new dog, former Welsh footballer Darren Barnard slipped on its pee and as a result sustained knee ligament damage. He missed five months, during which he likely potty-trained his new pup.

17. Kerry Wood's Hot Tub Time Machine

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    Kerry Wood entered 2007 spring training healthy, a rare sight during his tenure in Chicago.

    Several days later, he was enduring back problems from his slip in a hot tub.

16. Ever Banega's Car Troubles

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    Valencia playmaker Ever Banega missed six months with a broken ankle after forgetting to set the handbrake in his car at a petrol station, allowing it to roll back and trap his foot.

15. Charlie Hough Pinky Problem

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    In 1986, pitcher Charlie Hough encountered an intense handshake, breaking his pinky finger as a result.

14. Bobby Cruickshank Shanks It

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    Leading by two strokes in the final round of the 1934 U.S. Open, Bobby Cruickshank hit a shot on the 11th hole that bounced off a rock in the creek and onto the green.

    Relieved, Cruickshank tossed his club up in the air; moments later, it came soaring back down and nailed him in the head.

    He would finish with a number of bogeys and lose by two shots.

13. Amar'e Stoudemire Extinguishes Playing Time

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    Already blessed with shattered knees and legendary moodiness, Amar'e Stoudemire finally found his groove in New York.

    And then, in last year's playoffs, as he and Carmelo Anthony searched for some chemistry following a loss to the Heat in Game 2 of the first round, a frustrated Stoudemire punched a fire extinguisher case, shattering the glass and injuring his hand.

    He would return for Game 4 and settle with the extinguisher out of court.

12. Lionel Letizi Scrabbled

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    He had no problem blocking an entire 24-foot-wide soccer net, but for Lionel Letizi, board games proved to be treacherous.

    While playing an obviously intense game of Scrabble, the former French footballer pulled his back muscle reaching for a piece that had fallen off the table.

11. Terry Mulholland's Eye Feather

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    While attempting to find the perfect bed groove, former pitcher Terry Mulholland rolled over a stray feather pointing out of a hotel pillow.

    His right eye was scratched in the process.

10. David Seaman Changes the Channel

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    Manchester City goalkeeper David Seaman sustained an injury few of us have the energy to even provoke.

    He broke a bone while reaching for the television remote, in the manliest fashion possible.

9. Glenn Healy's Bagpipes

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    Former Maple Leaf Glenn Healy was known for playing the bagpipes during his days in Toronto.

    Naturally, while changing the pipes, the goaltender sliced his hand and had to miss a handful of jam sessions with his bagpipe crew.

8. Alex Stepney Turns Up the Volume

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    Manchester United goaltender Alex Stepney proved the danger of screaming when, in 1975, he was yelling to defenders and inadvertently dislocated his jaw.

    Good luck matching his vigor.

7. Steve Sparks Dislocates His Ego

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    This eventual knuckleballer was once a minor-league prospect who dislocated his shoulder while tearing a phone book in half.

6. Rickey Henderson's Summer Frostbite

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    The Man of Steal once missed a game because he fell asleep with an icepack and got frostbite.

    In August.

5. Plaxico Burress Shoots Himself

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    When he brought a loaded gun into a New York city nightclub in November 2008, reigning-champion Giant Plaxico Burress had to know his decision would lead to trouble.

    And it did, when the gun slipped down his waistband and Burress inadvertently pulled the trigger while reaching for it.

    It was the beginning of the end for Burress, who spent the next two years in prison.

4. Stephen Garcia Finds Peace

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    Former South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia set a new standard when he hurt his right index and middle fingers after getting off the team bus and flashing the peace sign to a bunch of fans.

    This was shortly after signing a three-year deal with the CFL's Montreal Alouettes.

3. Darius Vassell Plays Doctor

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    England striker Darius Vassell chose the right field.

    Although any industry but medicine would've sufficed, considering Vassell missed three games because he decided to alleviate pressure from a swollen toe by drilling through the nail.

2. Dustin Penner's Syrupy Mess

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    Aunt Jemima finally got her revenge when Kings star Dustin Penner sustained back spasms while devouring a stack of pancakes.

    Those buttery flapjacks always win.

1. Svein Grondalen's Forest Funk

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    During the 1970s, Norwegian defender Svein Grondalen had to withdraw from an international match after an accident that happened while he was jogging.

    He ran into a moose.