How USA Tennis Can Lie, Cheat and Steal Back Popularity
Fizzing balls, molasses grass, catgut gone synthetic.
Yadda yadda yadda - American male tennis domination fading alongside boy bands.
For a more thorough post mortem, see JA Allenโs expose.
In truth, a decade spent in the rankings pits was probably foreseeable. Tennis has never lured the nationโs fastest, highest and strongest.
It'sย seldom ever tried.
To pander would be a betrayal of the gameโs exclusionary ethos. (Really, how many pick-up sets have ever been contested in downtowns everywhere?)
The 1990s saw Sampras and Agassi standing on the shoulders of giants,ย in aย sport whoseย mass popularity had peaked with disco.
Consider: this yearโs US Open final between Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic netted the second lowest ratings' slice ever, down 12 percent from last fall. The Monday night showdown earned less than half the share of the Bengals-Ravens gameย played on theย next channel.
Theories abound โ Americans prefer teams, playoffs, fouls, Tiger Woods. More talent in the raw, less serving-since-preschool.ย More convenientย TVย timeslots at least.
If two men are squaring off, boxing gloves are expected. Or at least a few broken chairs.ย
But the real problem is, a sport undervalued is a sport underplayed.
And the chic, multilingual Europeans now holding court are unlikely ambassadors for a U.S. resurgence. This is a ratings knife fight, not the United Nations.
Anย American renaissance awaits an American face.
Until then,ย 15 of the cheapest tricks men's tennis can filch from todayโs more populist pastimes.
Hint - it may involve the iPhone 5.
No. 15: Mascots
1 of 15A sausage race between sets might be over the top.
But is it asking so much if after every serving ace a larger-than-life mustachioed being flings itself down a beer slide as fireworks erupt?ย
No. 14: Weather Drama
2 of 15Some of the most legendary matches in sports have been contestedย in flakes, lightning and earthquakes.
The men's final at the U.S. Open was delayed by weather, forcing the event toย compete with Monday night football.ย Ratings sagged and theย high wind was moreย vexatious than inspiring to watch.
Playingย through the puddlesย would have been more thrilling.ย ย ย
No. 13: Fouls
3 of 15If a player gives lip or milks a medical T.O., the officiant should be prepared with a punishment: a free serve by the opponent, defendable only by aย leaping body block.
No. 12: Really Hi-Def
4 of 15Tennis camera angling hasn't changed much since Connors-McEnroe.ย
More intrusive footage could refresh perspectives on footwork, wrist technique and other compelling flexings.
No. 11: The Caddie Dynamic
5 of 15The singular relationship betweenย athlete and caddie cannot be underestimated.
Friend, foil, beast of burden, strategistโthe caddie adds an on site tension that is both unique and oddly compelling to observe.
Every tennis pro couldย benefit fromย their wisdom. And the tell-all books would be priceless for the rest of us.
No. 10: Megatron
6 of 15Completeย the Wimbledon experience with the strobe lightingย and licking flames that only a two-ton telescreen can offer.
No. 9: Ad Power
7 of 15Nothing testifies to relevance like ads, everywhere.
Backboards screaming Prudential, a baseline Pepsi squiggle, a net strung with Taco Bell bells.
Despite a few sweatband swooshes, the freeย canvas is ripe for plastering.ย
No. 8: Accolades
8 of 15Tennis Grand Slams areย four of the most prestigiousย and famed sporting events every year.
Race for the "Quadruple Crown," anyone?
No. 7: Social Causes
9 of 15Tennis could make a statement with pink balls during worldwide tourniesย in OctoberโBreast Cancer Awareness Month.
No. 6: Kiss Cam
10 of 15Always heartwarming and awkward.
No. 5: Fans Unleashed
11 of 15Vuvuzelas, Atlanta tomahawk chops, drum corps, whistles and thundersticks to complement traditional tennis hooliganism.
No. 4: Ceremony
12 of 15The close of the Slam season could be marked by an annual celebratory goring.
No. 3: The Artistry Factor
13 of 15Critics of Raphael Nadal's grunts or Andy Murray's sweat socks would grouse in vain noย longerย if a judged artistry component is introduced into the the game.
No. 2: Ask the Audience
14 of 15Dubiousย whether that forehand went out?
Ditch the frumpy trajectory animation and let the spectactors decide. A key pad or iPhone app could settle the point.
(Or at least equip Hawk-Eye with a husky robot voice)
No. 1: Halftime Show
15 of 15The greatest sport on earth deserves one.
