One Creative Idea for Every Non-Contender to Increase Attendance in September

The path to October baseball will arrive at its destination less than a month from now, and more teams than usual are still walking it.

There are, however, quite a few teams that have already abandoned the path to October. Teams like the Miami Marlins, Houston Astros and Cleveland Indians are just trying to make it to the end of the line without embarrassing themselves more than they already have.

That's the only priority the players and the coaches have, anyway. The guys up in the ownership boxes are probably just as concerned with how they can max out their attendance numbers before the season is over. It is, after all, kind of hard for losing teams to get fans to come out to the yard this time of year.

The way I see it, a few gimmicks wouldn't hurt. Here's one thing each out-of-contention team can do to boost its attendance in the last few weeks of the regular season.

Note: Stats and attendance figures come courtesy of Baseball-Reference.com.

Boston Red Sox: Chicken and Beer Special

The Red Sox don't really need to do anything gimmicky to get fans to come out to the yard. They already have a streak of—ahem—"sellouts" going on.

As much as the Red Sox want to use the word "sellout," you and I know better. If you actually go out of your way to watch a Red Sox game these days (not recommended if you value well-played baseball), you'll notice that they play in front of plenty of empty seats when they play at Fenway Park.

The Red Sox are going to continue to draw fans no matter what depths they may sink to in the last few weeks of the season, but it's going to take a little something special for them to pack the yard like they were when they were actually, you know, good.

I hereby propose an idea that will have Red Sox fans lining up by the hundreds: a Chicken and Beer Special.

Think about it. For five bucks, you could get a few fried chicken tenders and a cold beer. Coupled with a chance to take in a game at the always-awesome Fenway Park, and you have a can't-miss day at the ballpark.

Obviously, the Red Sox would have to come to terms with the fact that they'd be mocking themselves if they were to offer a chicken and beer special. They're not blind to the fact that the Red Sox are practically synonymous with chicken and beer consumption after what happened last September.

But you know what? This organization could use a little self-deprecation right about now. It would be a way to let the fans know that things have indeed gotten screwed up over the last year, and that they are well aware of how it happened.

Instead of trying to sweep the organization's recent history under the rug, the Red Sox would be showing that they're ready to laugh about it.

Chicago Cubs: Bring Your Billy Goat to the Ballpark Night

The Cubs are another team that doesn't really need help with attendance. They don't have a farcical sellout streak to maintain, but they're 10th in MLB with an average attendance of 37,579 fans.

Hats off, Cubs fans. You guys are saints to put up with this team. The Cubs really don't deserve your love.

Now, with that being said, you guys have made up a few too many silly excuses over the years. The tragedy of Steve Bartman comes to mind. Naturally, so does the Curse of the Billy Goat.

I thought about proposing a notion to have a "Let's All Forgive Steve Bartman Night," but methinks that wouldn't go so well. If the Cubs want to pay homage to a lesser moment in the organization's history, they're better off hosting a "Bring Your Billy Goat to the Ballpark" night.

We all know the story, right?

Supposedly, Billy Goat Tavern owner Billy Sianis and his pet goat were kicked out of Wrigley Field during a World Series game in 1945, and he cursed the Cubs by saying they'd never win another World Series game.

Or something like that. The actual legend is uncertain.

At any rate, the Cubs have nothing to lose by inviting people to bring their billy goats out to the ballpark. Indeed, it's not like the Cubs' fortunes can get any worse.

I know what you're thinking: How many billy goat owners can there possibly be in the city of Chicago?

Right now, probably not very many. But I think the number would increase dramatically if the Cubs actually did a promotion like this, and fans would come pouring in from outside Chicago too.

If the turnout is good, that's when the Cubs could consider doing a Bartman night. Something like "Dress Up as Steve Bartman Night" would work.

Cleveland Indians: Sign Manny Ramirez and Play Him Immediately

Oh yeah. I'm going here.

The Indians are unwatchable at this point. They're 15-39 since the All-Star break, in large part because they've allowed over 130 more runs than they've scored. 

To make matters worse, the Indians are pretty short on stars these days. They've come a long way from the star-studded teams of the 1990s.

Giving the fans of Cleveland flashbacks of those long-lost awesome years wouldn't be such a terrible idea, but doing so would require the Indians to go out and find a blast from the past.

It is at this point that I will note that Manny Ramirez is out there somewhere, and that he would very much like a job.

That's what he insisted when the Oakland A's released him earlier this year, anyway. His agents said, via USA Today, that Manny believed that he had done enough to demonstrate that he was ready for a return to the major leagues.

For what it's worth, Manny did hit over .300 in 17 Triple-A games. Maybe he's right.

Even if he isn't, the Indians may as well take a chance on him and sign him to a contract for the rest of the season. Doing so would give Manny a shot to retire with the organization that drafted him, and Cleveland fans would be given a chance to bury the hatchet with Manny, so to speak.

Ideally, they'd do so by the thousands.

Hey, it's either this or "LeBron James Heat Jersey Night," and that idea strikes me as being a recipe for disaster.

Colorado Rockies: Free Giveaways for Excellent Pitching Performances

I feel like I shouldn't be rubbing it in at this point, but I really have no choice but to say this:

The Rockies' pitching is freaking terrible.

The Rockies rank dead-last in the majors with a 5.07 team ERA. Their starters have compiled a 5.83 ERA, also dead-last in the majors.

But as the saying goes, even a blind squirrel pitches a shutout every now and again. The Rockies have pitched three since August 23, and they've had three other games in which they've allowed only one run.

There's some fun to be had here. The Rockies could offer some kind of freebie deal every time the Rockies allow one run or fewer at Coors Field.

Teams do this all the time, of course. Usually, the giveaway is some sort of food item, such as tacos for every fan in attendance if the home team's starting pitcher strikes out 10 or more batters.

The Rockies could go for something like that, but they may have better luck drawing crowds if they offer something with a little more value while making the giveaway a little more exclusive by offering it only to randomly chosen sections.

One idea would be to give away something every Denver-dweller wants these days:

Broncos tickets.

Houston Astros: Bring Roger Clemens Aboard

A couple days ago, Roger Clemens told the media (including USA Today) that he's not planning on making a return to the major leagues this season, thus nixing a possible return to the Houston Astros.

Astros owner Jim Crane, on the other hand, isn't ready to rule the possibility out completely.

"We're just going to sit tight," Crane said on Monday, via the Associated Press. "We'll wait and see if he calls us, but we might call him, who knows?"

Clemens, as we all know, has made two starts for the Sugar Land Skeeters of the Atlantic League. All told, he's pitched eight scoreless innings.

Clearly, he's ready for the big leagues. As ready as he's ever going to be at the age of 50, anyway.

What the heck, Astros? Your season is already doomed, and it's not like you guys have any dignity left to lose. May as well do away with the rest of it by signing Clemens.

Why?

Because people would come, Ray.

People would most definitely come.

Kansas City Royals: Call Up Wil Myers

As far as Baseball America was concerned, Wil Myers was the best player in the minor leagues this season.

It wasn't hard for the folks at BA to arrive at that conclusion. All they had to do was check out Myers' .313/.387/.600 triple-slash line, not to mention his 37 home runs and 109 RBI.

The fact that Myers has yet to be seen in the major leagues this season baffles a lot of Royals fans. Many of them have pointed out that Myers would be an immediate upgrade over Jeff Francoeur out in right field, and they're not wrong.

Shoot, I'm not convinced that any of us, my fellow internet goons, wouldn't be an upgrade over Francoeur if one of us was to take the field in his place.

Nonetheless, the Royals have yet to give Myers the call. And right now, they have an excuse not to give him the call because he and the Omaha Storm Chasers are set to play the Reno Aces for the PCL title in a five-game series starting on Friday.

When that series ends, there will still be a few games left in the MLB season. It just so happens that the Royals have 12 home games left between now and the end of the season.

Make it happen, Royals. Your fans could use a good excuse to come out to the yard, and a chance to watch Myers in action would be a darn good one.

Miami Marlins: Free Giveaways for Every Giancarlo Stanton Home Run

There aren't many reasons to watch the Marlins these days, but savvy baseball fans know that it's never a good idea to miss a Giancarlo Stanton at-bat. 

Despite the fact he spent a few weeks on the disabled list with a bad knee, Stanton is up to 33 home runs on the season. Of those, 14 have come since his return off the DL in early August.

According to HitTrackerOnline.com, Stanton has hit nine "no doubt" home runs this year, and his 494-foot home run on August 17 is the longest home run hit this year so far.

If you're just now joining us, this is why nobody should ever miss a Stanton at-bat. Something awesome is liable to happen when he has a bat in his hands.

The Marlins, meanwhile, are drawing pretty well this year. In fact, they're drawing over 9,000 more fans per game this year than they did in 2011.

However, it's no secret that this has little to do with Stanton and everything to do with their new ballpark. Marlins Park is the main attraction, not Stanton.

The Marlins should try to change that by offering fans some incentive to come watch Stanton hit. They could do a free giveaway for every home run he hits, an idea similar in spirit to the one I've proposed for the Rockies.

The Marlins probably won't go along with this, but I'd be all for having the home run sculpture in center field at Marlins Park blown to pieces and then giving away the pieces to the fans every time Stanton hits a home run.

Honestly, how many of you are actually opposed to that idea?

Minnesota Twins: A "Not in Our House" Campaign

It's been a rough season for the Twins. They're 58-82 and in last place in the AL Central.

To make matters worse, the Twins have fared even worse at home than they have on the road this season. Their 27-41 record at Target Field is the worst home record in the American League.

As such, you really can't blame Twins fans for being responsible for the second-biggest attendance drop in baseball this year. Watching your team lose is not fun, and probably never will be.

The Twins don't have much to offer their fans in the way of talent outside of players such as Joe Mauer, Josh Willingham, Justin Morneau and Scott Diamond. To get their fans to come out to the park, they're going to have to try to light a fire under their posteriors.

While they're at it, they may as well try to light a fire under the team's posterior. Getting both the fans and the players to buy into a common cause might do the trick.

Such a cause does exist. The Twins may not be making the playoffs this year, but they're going to be in a position to deny other teams a chance to go to the playoffs. The Twins have a shot to be ultimate spoiler team.

The Twins have a three-game series against the Kansas City Royals to get out of the way this week, but after that they'll tackle the Chicago White Sox, New York Yankees and Detroit Tigers to finish out their home schedule.

The Twins can drastically shake up the playoff picture in the American League if they score a few wins against these three teams, but they're going to need some help from the crowd in order to do so.

How about a "Not In Our House" campaign? That's appropriately corny for a situation such as this, right?

New York Mets: "Help Us Keep David Wright" Campaign

Hey guys, remember when the Mets were actually kinda good?

It wasn't that long ago. They went into the All-Star break with a 46-40 record, and it looked like they had a semi-decent shot of staying in the race thanks to R.A. Dickey and David Wright.

The Mets have since stumbled to a 19-35 record in the second half, and the focus has slowly shifted to what they're going to do this offseason.

Hammering out extensions for Dickey and Wright will be the organization's top priority, and Mets GM Sandy Alderson recently told a crowd of season-ticket holders that they intend to get it done.

Hammering out an extension for Dickey won't be too tough. Hammering out an extension for Wright, on the other hand...

Wright has said all the right things about wanting to stay with the Mets, but there's a chance he'll simply cost too much for the cash-strapped Mets to retain him. He could head into the 2013 season with no extension in place.

The Mets will have an extra leg to stand on in their negotiations with Wright if their revenue takes a sudden hike. Sellouts in their remaining home games couldn't hurt.

The Mets aren't going to get fans to come out to Citi Field by promising good baseball. That would be dishonest of them.

But if they were to guilt trip fans to come out to the yard so they can afford to re-sign Wright...Well, shoot, that just might actually work. 

I like the idea of a "Help Us Keep David Wright" campaign. Because, you know, "Help Us Keep David Wright, You Disloyal Swine" sounds a little too harsh.

San Diego Padres: Phil Mickelson Golf Tips During Seventh-Inning Stretch

As most of you well know, the Padres have new owners. 

Emphasis on the "s" in owners. It feels like the Padres have a lot of them all of a sudden.

Yet the one guy we were all looking forward to owning the Padres is somehow out of the mix for the time being. Pro golfer Phil Mickelson isn't officially a member of the team's new ownership group just yet.

According to UTSanDiego.com, this will change very soon. The Padres have a spot "for Phil and only Phil" set aside, and they expect him to fill it in the near future.

Lefty said recently, via Bob Harig of ESPN.com, that he's not going to be involved in the everyday running of the team. He seems more concerned with being a part of the fan outreach, noting that the new ownership group has work to do to bridge the "disconnect" that developed between the Padres and their fans in recent years.

Lefty can help bridge that disconnect. All he has to do is share some of his immense golf knowledge with the fans, ideally via Petco Park's jumbotron.

Just imagine taking in a seventh-inning stretch at Petco Park in which everyone sings "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and is then treated to golf tips from one of the greatest players in the world. Lefty could pop up on the jumbotron and share a pre-recorded message—one for every game—much to the delight of all the golfers in attendance.

Seeing as how this in San Diego we're talking about, I'm guessing there are more than a few golfers at Petco Park when the Padres play home games. If word gets out that Lefty himself is dishing out golf tips during the seventh inning, more will surely come.

Seattle Mariners: Giveaways for the Best "Felixing" Sections

You know what makes "Felixing" better than "Tebowing?"

Pretty much everything, really. Most importantly, Felixing is better than Tebowing because it was inspired by an athlete who's actually good at his job.

That would be Felix Hernandez, of course, who unwittingly invented Felixing while celebrating following his perfect game against the Tampa Bay Rays on August 15. In the ensuing weeks, the Felixing pose has caught on.

Naturally, Mariners fans love it. Almost as much as they love King Felix himself, probably.

This means there's an opportunity for the Mariners to seize here. They need to find a way to use Felixing to get the fans to come out to the ballpark.

After all, the beauty of Felixing is that it doesn't need to be confined to games in which Hernandez is on the mound (otherwise known as the only Mariners games that actually draw fans). The Mariners could do something with Felixing when Jason Vargas, Hisashi Iwakuma or even Kevin Millwood is on the mound.

Some sort of free giveaway promotion (yup, another one) would work. The Mariners could even go as far as to give away free tickets to the best Felixers in attendance.

The only way to decide the "best" Felixers, of course, would be to have cameras trained on certain sections during, say, the seventh inning while somebody commands the people in those sections to start Felixing.

The section could then be shown to the rest of the crowd, who could vote for the best Felixers by cheering for them.

It's all very complicated, to be sure, but methinks there's some fun to be had here.

Toronto Blue Jays: Discount Tickets for Massachusetts and New York Residents

Attendance has been a problem for the Blue Jays in recent years, but not so much in 2012. Only six teams across Major League Baseball have seen bigger attendance increases than the Blue Jays in 2012.

But let's not kid ourselves. The Blue Jays were an exciting team earlier in the season, but they've been rendered boring since the All-Star break thanks to a vicious bite from the injury bug. They're now one of the worst teams in either league, and they need as much help as they can get to fill the Rogers Centre.

To this end, they can help themselves if they want. It will just mean doing something that loyal Blue Jays fans aren't going to like one bit.

If the Jays want to max out their attendance, they're going to have to offer discount tickets to residents of Massachusetts and New York. 

Why?

Because two of Toronto's final four home series are against the Red Sox and Yankees, and both of them have fanbases that travel very well (not to mention lots of bandwagon fans). Red Sox and Yankees fans have been known to invade the ballpark, and they will do so again if they get a good excuse to take a weekend trip up to Toronto.

I honestly can't tell you if offering discount tickets to certain populaces is against Major League Baseball's rules. For that matter, I'm not even sure if it's legal.

I know this, though: It would work.

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