6 Biggest Games to Watch This Weekend on Planet Football
Rejoice. The club season is finally back.
Euro 2012 entertained, and the Olympics served as a decent diversion, but now the real fun begins.
Now the domestic leagues are back, and that means we can all start bickering, boasting, biting nails, loving, loathing, crying and celebrating for nine solid months.
Just like the good Lord intended.
If you're here, there's a great chance you don't need an introduction to the club season. So let's get right to it.
Here are the six biggest games to watch this weekend on Planet Football.
Everton vs. Manchester United
1 of 6Details: Monday, 3 p.m. ET, Goodison Park
So our long international nightmare is over, and Manchester United are on the verge of signing Robin van Persie.
This despite the fact that United's roster already includes forwards Wayne Rooney, Chicharito, Danny Welbeck and—heck, why not throw him in there too, even if there's a better-than-decent chance he's been in a coma for the last 12 months?—Dimitar Berbatov.
Sure, RvP is 29 and prematurely graying at that.
Sure, his injury history has its own bullet on his resume.
Sure, even moneybags PSG, the Montgomery Burns of European football, wouldn't buck up for him.
Sure, RvP scored 30 of his 96 career Premiership goals—31 percent!—last season alone, even though his Premiership career has spanned eight seasons.
Forget all that. Robbing van Purse Strings might be starting for United on Monday, and there's no way this could possibly end badly. Glory, glory and all that jazz.
Meanwhile, Everton—wait, there's another team playing?—are the club no one in England really likes to play. It's not that the Toffees are in danger of winning the league or anything, but under David Moyes' watchful eye, they've become a consistent top-half team despite working with a budget that would make Arsene Wenger chuckle.
And as they showed last spring against Manchester United, there's some serious title-bid-killing potential here.
Plus, Tim Howard is such a beast.
Rating (out of five): 4 stars
Prediction: United win a tight one, 1-0. RvP scores the winner after coming on as a second-half sub. Gooners weep softly in the shower while reminiscing over grainy YouTube memories.
Arsenal vs. Sunderland
2 of 6Details: Saturday, 10 a.m. ET, Emirates Stadium, London
That Robin van Persie is so hot right now, he dominates two matches. This one features the jilted ex-lover, Arsene Wenger's stylish new specs and an unlikely Niall Quinn sighting.
How's that now? Let's back up and see.
As every commentator in the history of football has pointed out, Wenger's Le Professeur schemings at Arsenal have been on the wane for years now. And as every commentator in the history of football has also pointed out, the Gunners have not won a trophy since 2005.
Last season, plenty of otherwise sane folks were calling for Wenger's head on a plate when Arsenal slumped to a poor start. But the Gunners surged again—thanks, admittedly, to van Persie's gargantuan season—and still finished third anyway, even without their two best players from the previous season.
Some might call that expert coaching, but whatevs.
So, now, another big name is gone, but unlike the departures of Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri last summer, Wenger has been planning for RvP's defection for some time.
Lukas Podolski joined from Köln. Olivier Giroud signed from Montpellier. And perhaps most impressively, Wenger committed legalized highway robbery in luring playmaker Santi Cazorla from cash-strapped Malaga.
And all three arrived in London before RvP left.
Still, the psychological damage of losing your team captain and star player so close to the season would hurt any team. Sorry, Wenger-heads, but he doesn't have a magic hat for that part.
Coincidentally enough, in Sunderland, the Gunners have a dangerous opening-day opponent with a history of pulling off a Niall Quinn-inspired opening-day upset against a Wenger-managed team.
And that, friends, is how you put Niall Quinn in a football column in 2012.
Rating (out of five): 3.5 stars
Prediction: Disappointment for Arsenal, whether that means a labored 1-0 win and frustrating draw or...don't even say it. Piers Morgan's head might explode.
Real Madrid vs. Valencia
3 of 6Details: Sunday, noon ET, Estadio Bernabeu, Madrid
Real Madrid won La Liga last season, and they were so impressive that journalists coined a silly phrase just for them: the League of Records.
How did Real set records? Let us count the ways.
Points: 100. Goals: 121. Goal difference: Plus-89. Wins: 32 (out of 38 total matches). Away wins: 16.
Most importantly, there's this: Barcelona—not the best team of all time anymore. Or even the best team in Spain.
But for all the records—and it's a genuinely impressive list—Real missed out on the biggest trophy of them all, the Champions League. This season, they're back, they're scary good and they're motivated.
Then there's the whole Cristiano Ronaldo thing. Dude is a bona fide superstar, and there really aren't many adjectives left to describe him.
So, the storyline is this: Real's potentially historic season starts here. The first opponent victim is Valencia, who finished third last season (albeit 39 points behind Real). They're breaking in a new manager and, well, that doesn't make much of a difference.
Rating (out of five): 4 stars
Prediction: Big win for Real. First statement of the season. 3-0 with Ronaldo scoring a brace.
Barcelona vs. Real Sociedad
4 of 6Details: Sunday, 2 p.m. ET, Camp Nou, Barcelona
If Cristiano Ronaldo is a superstar, Lionel Messi is a superduperstar.
Last season, CR7 smoked defenses to the tune of 60 goals in 55 appearances in all competitions.
Pfft. Child's play for Messi, who ripped the net 73 times in 60 matches.
Still, Barcelona finished second to Real in the league last season. And in the Champions League, the "world's best team" crashed out in the semifinals after failing to figure out how to break into a parked bus.
Barca did manage to win the Copa del Rey, but that won't have satisfied either their rabid fanbase or their perfection-minded players.
So the tiki-taka assault on Spain and Europe is back on, and Barca have the world's best player at their disposal. Easy, right?
There's just one problem: Manager Pep Guardiola, the architect of the tiki-taka revolution, left the team at the end of last season.
His top deputy, Tito Vilanova, has vowed to carry on in Pep's hallowed memory, but until the games actually begin, we won't know how Barca's players will handle playing for a new coach.
Well, the games begin this weekend.
Rating (out of five): 4 stars
Prediction: Tiki-taka supreme, with a Messi hat trick on the side. 3-0 Barca.
AC Ajaccio vs. Paris Saint-Germain
5 of 6Details: Sunday, 3 p.m. ET, Stade Francois-Coty, Ajaccio, Corsica
OK, so maybe two people in America could name two Ajaccio players. Hint: It's the latest stop for Chelsea flop and drug fiend Adrian Mutu.
No matter. Everyone knows PSG these days.
How could we not? Les Parisiens have been throwing around money like Mutu on a West Baltimore street corner. Sorry, sorry. Low blow.
The names are impressive, and the money spent is jaw-dropping: Thiago Silva and Zlatan Ibrahimovic (€65 million). Ezequiel Lavezzi (€30 million). Marco Verratti (€11 million for a 19-year-old).
Plus, Brazilian midfielder Lucas Moura will join in January, so tack on €45 million more for a 20-year-old.
The squad was already strong before this summer's ridiculous spending spree, and now PSG look set for an assault on France and Europe. But last week, in their season opener, they fell behind Lorient 2-0 and could only manage a 2-2 draw.
Oops.
Ibrahimovic scored twice—including a last-gasp penalty to equalize—but it was a worrying result anyway.
Ajaccio are next, and this might be another trap game. If you didn't know, Ajaccio play in Corsica. And if you didn't know, Corsica is something of a trek from the capital.
Rating (out of five): 3.5 stars
Prediction: Another disappointing draw. 1-1.
Anzhi Makhachkala vs. Zenit St. Petersburg
6 of 6Details: Sunday, 1 p.m. ET, Khazar Stadium, Makhachkala, Dagestan
Yep, that's right, Dagestan!
If you thought Corsica was a trek, check out the Marco Polo-esque journey from St. Petersburg to the middle of literally nowhere.
Even more fun: the Russian Premier League.
Don't hate, Anglophiles. Embrace the oil baron-financed insanity. You won't regret it.
Zenit won the league last year and the year before. Anzhi are the Manchester City (or is it PSG now?) of Dagestan, whatever that might mean.
What's not to like?
Rating (out of five): 3.5 stars
Prediction: Zenit are unstoppable! Dagestan is weak! The Motherland is eternal!
