The 21 Most Distracting Fans in Sports
Most of us attend a sporting event, or watch it on television, because we're interested in whatever sport we happen to be interested in watching. The game itself is usually pretty entertaining, assuming you're not a Pirates fan, so undue distractions are usually an unwelcome addition.
But these days it seems all but impossible to attend any public event without being faced with droves of distracting idiots. A few distractions like goofy signs, jersey fouls, or funny (if not entirely uncreative) chants are all part of the experience.
Then there are the fans that cross the line from mildly entertaining to ridiculously distracting spectacle. Those who are hellbent on making their antics more compelling, or at least more attention grabbing, than the game itself.
Here are 21 of the most distracting fans in sports.
21. The Scene Stealer Fans
Most of the fans on this list are distracting in a bad way, the scene stealer isn't always bad. In fact, sometimes these talented fame whores are the best part of a game.
Take Celtics fan Jeremy Fry of "Livin on a Prayer" fame. This is, quite honestly, one of the most amazing things I've ever seen in my life. Which is why these fans are ranked so low.
I would kill for the balls and raw animal magnetism required to pull of an impromptu performance of this magnitude. If there was an American Idol for lip-syncing badasses, I might actually watch it, and this kid would definitely win.
20. Fans Who Suck at Spelling
Whether you’re physically at the game or watching it on TV, if some group of superfans decides to pull off a stunt to show their team spirit (like painting letters on their chest), you’re almost guaranteed to catch a glimpse.
If that wasn’t distracting enough, sometimes a good faith effort goes horribly awry, “Blue Devils” becomes gibberish, and what was once a passing amusement is now a headshaking spectacle. You should never rely on other people for...almost anything...because most of us are stupid.
Way to make your parents proud, kids—especially the dude who is the misplaced letter who looks like he's in blackface.
I'm not sure how many cheerleaders are true sports fans, but I think it's safe to say that a fair number of them are. And there are few sports fans in this world more distracting than cheerleaders.
Proof? Just ask David Beckham the score of the Lakers game if you ever see him exiting the Staples Center. I bet you he will have absolutely no idea.
18. Fans Who Ask Everyone Questions
This can be anyone really. It could be your mother, your girlfriend or your friend who likes soccer and doesn't understand football in the slightest.
It could be a child a few seats over, a broad who spends most of the game texting or the dude with a case of Beast Ice in his belly who has lost most of his motor skills.
People who are too drunk, too young, too stupid or too feminine to understand what's going on are fast and furious with the questions. It might not be a distraction early on, but when someone asks you "Omg what just happened" for the hundredth time at the end of any game, it's like an ice pick to your ear.
Actually, depending on the situation, an ice pick to the ear might be more humane and less distracting.
17. WAG 'Fans'
I actually recently did a piece on the "21 Most Annoying Sports Fans" and this is my only repeat. WAGs in attendance are both annoying and distracting.
This really doesn't need much explanation because we all remember the spectacle that was Jessica Simpson ruining lives at Cowboys games.
16. Fans with Sexually Suggestive Signs
Most homemade signs are pretty stupid. They're repetitive, tragically uncreative and don't even get me started on those freaking D-(fence cut out) signs. But that's all fine and good—it's the reason most of us are able to completely block them out.
Sexually suggestive and sometimes downright explicit signs are much more difficult to ignore. To a non-hockey fan, "Put it in my five hole, Sidney," might not seem like much—but it is. At least it's creatively slutty, though, which I appreciate.
But seriously, this nonsense just makes all female sports fans look bad—we're not all skanks who are in it just to score with a professional athlete. If it happens, that's fine, but it should be more organic than this.
15. The Marriage Proposer Fans
I imagine there are two types of people who propose to their significant other: Those who want to make it an intimate and personal moment of joy, and those who want to make it a potentially embarrassing spectacle.
In terms of the receiving end of the proposal, I would literally punch my boyfriend in the face if he subjected me to this kind of horrifying circus. Thankfully, he knows that I'm not that kind of girl. But apparently some broads eat this crap up.
Talk about ruining a perfectly good baseball game. Legit, staged, in a broccoli costume, it doesn’t matter what form it takes, fans who want one of the biggest moments of their life to be displayed on a jumbotron are a major distraction—not to mention complete jagwagons.
14. Courtside Celebrities
Movie stars, world-renowned personalities, pop stars, and other folks that live in a world of unfettered access and unlimited credit, are inherently distracting. When their lives intersect with ours, they’re like an alien species; exotic and invasive.
As an average fan and nacho-crushing spectator, there is simply no way to ignore the fact that Spike Lee is touching LeBron James. Especially cause the camera won't stop cutting away to it.
13. Irrationally Angry Fans
I'm not talking about fans who get angry throughout a game when things aren't going their team's way. Slowly building rage is a totally natural reaction to your team completely crapping the bed after you paid a small fortune to witness their epic failure.
I'm talking about the dudes that come into the game angry. It doesn't matter how the game/match (whatever) unfolds, these guys are there to wreak some havoc either way. Drinking adds fuel to their fire, and they won't hesitate to yell obscenities at women and/or children.
It's disturbing and very distracting. Encounter an angry enough fan, or group of fans, and you'll spend the entire game watching them and preparing your exit strategy in case something goes down.
12. Slutty Sports Fans
I don't know how many times I've screamed the phrase "Get off your knees, ref, you're blowing the game" while attending or watching a sporting event from my home or at a local bar. But these broads give new meaning to the whole thing.
Please don't get me wrong, though, I am not a prude. Nor do I take issue with beautiful ladies dressing suggestively. But there is a time and place for everything—and a Natties game isn't the time or place to dress like a prostitute.
I wouldn't even care if it was just a distraction to my boyfriend—dude can stare at whatever he damn well pleases. But it's a distraction to me and everyone else. When someone is half-naked, people stare. That's just how the world works.
If you're a real fan, buy a jersey and stop showing up in your damn underwear.
11. Hockey Fans Seated Behind the Bench
When you watch an NHL game on TV, there are basically three types of camera shots: The wide view of the ice as players move up the puck, the shot of the zone around the net, and the shot of the coach and players on the bench.
The latter presents the only real opportunity for fans to get consistent face time on a broadcast, and if they aren’t making an ass of themselves, they’re bragging on their cell phone about being on television.
Unfortunately, anyone watching the game is forced to become acquainted with these interlopers, and it’s damn hard not to transfix on their antics.
Side note: Being one of these idiots is actually a dream of mine—please message me if you've got tickets and need date who will get drunk off a couple of Peroni and make you temporarily famous...for sitting next to an idiot.
10. Sexually Explicit Fans
In the United States, most people have fairly low threshold for PDA; hand-holding, a warm embrace, a kiss between consenting adults…are all acceptable. At least to a degree.
Anything above and beyond casual affection is not just distracting, but for most onlookers, icky. I have an especially low tolerance for this kind of tomfoolery at sporting events—if you want to see this, stay home and watch porn.
During a 1995 Red Sox game at Fenway Park, one jorts-wearing dude and two (likely intoxicated) women decided to live out the fantasy of a 15-year-old boy, in the stands. The whole affair was so distracting that the camera man couldn’t resist becoming a voyeur.
9. Sloppy Drunk Fans
Hey, we've all been there before. At least most of us cool folks have all been there before. It starts off as a few pregaming beers in the parking lot and next thing you know, you're drinking Mad Dog from a plastic flamingo your buddy found in the dumpster.
And not one of the awesome flavors like blue raspberry—I'm talking about that nasty orange one or the lighter-color orange one. It's not a pretty sight and it all goes down before you even enter the stadium.
If you've been pregaming since dawn, naturally you're going to be a handful once you actually take your seat. It's pretty amusing to most people in the vicinity for awhile, but eventually it just becomes taxing and distracting.
8. Gross Children
Soccer is practically a religion outside the United States, so fans of the sport tend to…overreact…to what happens in the game.
While hooliganism and other fan antics are certainly distracting, the world has come to expect such hijinks. What we weren’t prepared for was a young, and rotund, soccer fan inexplicably plastering his face with ice cream during a match between Brazil and Italy.
But we all know full well that nasty children aren't unique to soccer matches. These unfortunate products of bad parenting and gross excess can be found at almost every sporting event around the world and, much like a car crash, it's so hard to look away.
7. "Cute" Kids
Disgusting children are pretty tough to take, but at least they give us something to laugh at and parents to judge. Freaking cute kids are so much worse. They get all the attention, all the camera love, all the foul balls and whatever other awesomeness there is to gain at a game.
Remember that couple who recently caught a foul ball at a Texas Rangers game and had the cojones not to hand the ball over to the crying child a couple seats away? You would have thought that couple gave the official orders to begin the Holocaust with the way idiots in the media reacted.
Those parents should be thanking that couple for teaching that kid a valuable lesson. Guess what! Sometimes things don't go your way in the real world, so deal with it.
The Steelers have lost TWO Super Bowls in my lifetime and did I cry loud enough that the NFL decided to award the Lombardi trophy to my team instead? No. No I did not.
I got angry, belligerent and eventually blackout drunk (the second time...I was less invested the first time). Because that's just how the stupid world works sometimes, and this is America—if you want to cry about it, just get the hell out of here because we are a lot of bad things in this country—but we're not babies.
6. Jack Blankenship, Alabama Student (The Face Guy)
I’m not sure it’s possible to quantify how successful raucous basketball fans are at disrupting a player’s focus enough to change the outcome of a game, much less brick a free throw.
But, if anyone is capable of doing it, it’s Jack Blankenship who achieved minor celebrity this year by waving around a giant, freaky cut-out of his face during games. His wild-eyed, contorted visage will surely haunt players, and fans, long after the buzzer sounds.
Honestly, I had never heard of this kid in my life until he showed up at that Knicks game. Then suddenly he's freaking everywhere, including an appearance on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.
5. Taylor Stevens, L.A. Kings Fan and Porn Star
There are few things in this world more distracting than a gigantic pair of DDD breasts being covered with nothing but a thin piece of cotton that was likely purchased from the children's section of some store.
The people who fill seats at hockey games aren’t known for glitz and glamor. The chilly air in the arena, the oversized jerseys, the arm loads of beer and junk food; these elements create an ambience that makes it easy to keep your eyes on the ice.
However, when fully torqued porn star and L.A. Kings fan-girl Taylor Stevens is sitting behind the glass, it’s impossible not to gawk. Just ask New Jersey Devils coach Peter DeBoer.
4. Loud, Proud and Only Partially Clad Fat Dudes
Few sights are as distracting, or mesmerizing, as harmonic waves of belly fat; remember Andre Smith’s infamous combine sprint? Especially when the owner of the ginormous gut loves nothing more than to shake his stuff.
This Philadelphia 76ers fan took upon himself to try to save his beloved team by using powers of obesity to thwart Kevin Garnett’s free throw attempts during their unsuccessful playoff series with the Boston Celtics.
True story: I missed this game, but I caught the highlight of this jovial dude jiggling his ample belly and actually assume the Sixers won! I figured that was a celebratory jiggle and even told a few people before someone pointed out what an idiot I am.
3. Fans at College Gameday Live
If you love college football, then watching College Gameday Live on Saturday morning is a required weekly ritual.
All over this great nation, football fans like me brave the Saturday hangover and drag themselves out of bed hours before noon. I can't even imagine how people manage this on the West Coast.
A victim of its own success, the Gameday crew now has to fight for your attention as hundreds of drunken, rowdy fans cheer for their team, chant about how much Lee Corso sucks, wave subversive signs, and generally make the broadcast mildly chaotic.
But in their defense, Lee Corso does indeed suck.
This whole thing also counts for all those idiots outside the Today Show. I realize that it's not sports-related in the slightest, but those people are all psychotic weirdos.
2. Justin Bieber
Is it just me, or has Justin Bieber been at every single sporting event for the last decade? I don't even know if he's been alive that long, but this kid is literally inescapable these days.
I know people really hate on him, but he seems like a nice enough kid. He doesn't appear to be on drugs, he's yet to be arrested and he does nice things for sick children sometimes.
That being said, why the hell is he at every sporting event in the world? I don't remember a single damn thing about Floyd Mayweather's latest rigged fight against yet another under-matched opponent except that he was glued to Justin bleeping Bieber the entire time.
What the hell?
Obviously, I've spared you all flopping exposed man parts and opted for a photo of a shapely lady streaker—you're welcome. Actually, you should be sending your official thank-you notes to the fine folks at TheChive for producing this list.
But we all know that shapely, nearly naked ladies aren't your typical streakers and there aren’t many events more jarring than seeing male genitals outside of a time and place where being naked is expected.
Streaking is the pinnacle of distracting behavior and when a sports fan suddenly decides the best course of action is to strip and brazenly jaunt into the field of play, spectators gasp, security mobilizes, and time momentarily stops until some dude gets tazed.