Preakness 2012 Embraces Debauchery, Asks You to "Get Your Preak On"

Long ago I gave into the fact that I was a fat man living in a chubby man's body, leaving the rest of my beautiful life to fall into place. That's why I am applauding the Preakness Stakes for embracing their inner demons, but will be applauding from a very far distance. 

Fox News' Sam Spiegelman reports the latest from the greatest party in horse racing. It may be the second leg of the prestigious journey through the Triple Crown, but it could easily be an event at any spring break, and organizers finally got the memo. 

Zebras can't change their stripes. Actually, I think a more fitting analogy would be, "you can't get a party zebra to put down the margarita or the funny party hat." Damn, party zebras. 

At some point, the Preakness Stakes looked itself in the mirror and negated an intervention by all the other horse races that care about it by deciding to clean itself up. Poor, alcoholic Preakness. 

That's when the Preakness Stakes tried to make the famous race a more family atmosphere. That plan was as successful as Las Vegas trying to do the same exact thing. 

Alas, the Preakness is embracing all that is wrong with it. 

"Get Your Preak On." 

That would be the clever mantra that organizers have come up with to signal the kind of fun and liver damage you will receive during this amazing event. Yay, hangovers. 

I can see why they tried to clean up its act. According to Spiegelman, in 2008 there were 300 people hospitalized, 126 ejections from Pimlico and six arrests. 

Outside beer was nixed the next year and fans had to settle for $3.50 for a 16 oz. beer inside Pimlico, to which I say, "um, great deal."

Instead, attendance dropped 30 percent. So now it's back to the drunken debauchery of old, and we are just so proud. 

One thing to look forward to is the MUG Club on the infield that will make the area more like a working bar. 

There is even a booze mascot for this Disneyland for frat guys, and it comes in the form of the half-horse, half-man mascot the organizers have produced to symbolize the Preakness. He is called Manimal by some and Kegasus by others. 

Let's forgive the fact that he is obviously a centaur. 

I love it all, even the subsequent riot that will no doubt break out at some point in the coming years. 

Here is how we can spice this race up even more. I mean, why stop at a Manimal? Here are some thoughts on how they could make things even better. 

- Have the famous running of the port-o-potties on the actual track so fans can bet on the action. Never seen a running of the port-o-potties? Here you go (note: possible NSFW language). 

- The fan voted most likely to make a bad decision due to PBR consumption wins a chance to jockey one of the races. 

- A wet T-Shirt contest will commence before, after and during all races. 

I would love to hear some of your ideas to make this Lake Havasu, I mean, Pimlico hoedown all the more outrageous. 

Follow me on Twitter and we can really get the party started. 

Follow @gabezal