2012 March Madness: Ranking the Teams by People Who Don't Watch Basketball
Last year, I talked my girlfriend into entering an NCAA tournament pool. Her theories were strange in picking teams, but as fate would have it, she came in second out of 50 people and was probably the only one in the pool who knew nothing about college basketball.
And I mean nothing.
Her success piqued her curiosity, however, and she would watch games with me this season to brush up on her pool knowledge. She once again is in the top five and still doesn’t really know anything about basketball.
I bring all this up because her method of picking teams has to do with the team name, and not a whole lot else. This gave me an idea. I wanted to rank each team by its name by people who knew nothing about basketball, so I gathered a few people and put a ranking together. It wasn’t hard to find people who don’t watch basketball as I live in Tampa and they barely know what a basketball is down here.
After this scientific poll, I showed it to my girlfriend, Keri, and got her input on each of the teams ranked.
I knew a lot of things about my girlfriend, but I never knew her genius, as you’ll read in the upcoming slides.
I present, the rankings of every college basketball team in the NCAA tournament by people who don’t know anything about basketball and critiqued by my girlfriend.
Enjoy.
68. Memphis Tigers
1 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Memphis should have been named something cooler, like the Memphis Bar-B-Q’ers. I bet they’d have great tailgating.”
67. Virginia Cavaliers
2 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Don’t they fence? Cavalier can be good or bad, but if you drive a Cavalier, you’re probably from New Jersey.”
66. Creighton Bluejays
3 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Why do they spell Bluejay funny?”
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65. San Diego State Aztecs
4 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“There were Aztecs in California?”
64. Detroit Titans
5 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Shouldn’t they be the Steelers? Isn’t that what they make cars out of?”
63. Xavier Musketeers
6 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Do they only let three men on the team at a time?”
62. Temple Owls
7 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“They sound smart. But I know people who went to Temple that aren’t smart at all. Maybe it’s just the athletes who are smart, or the mascot.”
61. South Florida Bulls
8 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“They sound like liars.”
60. Iona Gaels
9 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Gael? Isn’t that a bird?”
59. Saint Mary's Gails
10 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“No, wait! Isn’t that a gust of wind? It sounds like an all-girls school.”
58. Lamar Cardinals
11 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Lamar is a school. The only Lamar I know is from Revenge of the Nerds.”
57. Louisville Cardinals
12 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“They must be good in winter because that’s when cardinals are out.”
56. Syracuse Orange
13 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“It’s odd that they chose a color. Especially a color that doesn’t rhyme with anything.”
55. Harvard Crimson
14 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Another color team? Harvard should be brown because I imagine a lot of old wood there.”
54. Southern Mississippi Golden Eagles
15 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Sounds fancy.”
53. Duke Blue Devils
16 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“I knew they’d be something stupid.”
52. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
17 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“I’m Irish, but I don’t like the name. How about the Friendly Irish?”
51. UNC-Asheville Bulldogs
18 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“I got nuthin’.”
50. Murray State Racers
19 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Racers or Erasers? Racers? Really? What, like cars? Erasers would be better.”
49. Colorado State Rams
20 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Sounds like a dangerous place for a ram with all those mountains. Don’t they graze?”
48. Connecticut Huskies
21 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“It’s just a dog that barks a lot.”
47. Marquette Golden Eagles
22 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“You already said that. There can’t be more than one golden eagle in the entire world. They’re like the Highlander.”
46. Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils
23 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Where did The Devil and Daniel Webster take place? Wasn’t that somewhere in the south?”
45. Baylor Bears
24 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Nice alliteration.”
44. South Dakota State Jackrabbits
25 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“I think jackrabbits have really long ears…like Bugs Bunny.”
43. West Virginia Mountaineers
26 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“What does a mountaineer do? Doesn’t seem that exciting.”
42. Wichita State Shockers
27 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“They should be in Florida, not Kansas. I don’t think you can get shocked in Kansas.”
41. Virginia Commonwealth Rams
28 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“I do remember who Shaka Smart is.”
40. Kansas State Wildcats
29 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Do they have wildcats in Kansas? I’d imagine they’d all be domestic, like barn cats.”
39. New Mexico State Lobos
30 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“What’s a lobos?”
38. California Golden Bears
31 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“How is a bear golden? I guess because everyone else in California is blonde, the bears have to be blonde, too.”
37. North Carolina Tar Heels
32 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“That sounds stupid.”
36. Vermont Catamounts
33 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“I don’t know what that is.”
35. Georgetown Hoyas
34 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Hoyas!! That sounds like a tree.”
34. Florida Gators
35 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“When I think of gators, I think of Louisiana.”
33. New Mexico State Aggies
36 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Sounds like a nun. Sister Aggie.”
32. Ohio State Buckeyes
37 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“That’s a candy with peanut butter dipped in chocolate, but not all the way.”
31. Loyola Greyhounds
38 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“They’re fast. That’s a good name.”
30. UNLV Rebels
39 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“That makes sense. Vegas is evil.”
29. North Carolina State Wolfpack
40 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Ooooh, a pack of wolves, not a lone wolf. Sounds like they get things done.”
28. Ohio Bobcats
41 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“At least it’s not a wildcat. But, it is less intimidating. It’s got a first name, like it’s short for Robert Cat.”
27. Missouri Tigers
42 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“There are definitely no tigers in Missouri.”
26. Alabama Crimson Tide
43 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Is that a red river?”
25. St. Bonaventure Bonnies
44 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Is that short for bonnet? It sounds like they’re tippin’ their hats to the ladies.”
24. Florida State Seminoles
45 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Sounds respectful.”
23. Belmont Bruins
46 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“A Bruin? What’s that? Like, something’s a-brewin’ in Denmark?”
22. Saint Louis Billikens
47 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“That seems like it would be a cross between a pelican and…what else has a bill?”
21. LIU Brooklyn Blackbirds
48 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Isn’t a blackbird a raven? What’s a magpie?”
20. Norfolk State Spartans
49 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“This is Sparta!”
19. Lehigh Mountain Hawks
50 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Better than chicken hawks.”
18. Texas Longhorns
51 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Makes me think of a steak house.”
17. Kentucky Wildcats
52 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Boring.”
16. Davidson Wildcats
53 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“More wildcats? Booo.”
15. Michigan Wolverines
54 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“There should be more teams named after X-Men.”
14. Michigan State Spartans
55 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“But do they train like Spartans?”
13. Kansas Jayhawks
56 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Another bird?”
12. Vanderbilt Commodores
57 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Didn’t you have a Commodore 64? That school must have old computers.”
11. Indiana Hoosiers
58 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“I have no idea what a Hoosiers is. No one does. People just know it’s a good Gene Hackman movie.”
10. Gonzaga Bulldogs
59 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Gonzaga sounds like the name of a bulldog.”
9. Western Kentucky Hilltoppers
60 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Doesn’t sound like something that moves very much. Bad mascot.”
8. Iowa State Cyclones
61 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“I don’t know. How many more are there?”
7. Colorado Buffaloes
62 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Is that the same as a bison. They probably make a good cheeseburger. They’re also leaner than cows.”
6. Cincinnati Bearcats
63 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“How do they get that hybrid made?”
5. Wisconsin Badgers
64 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“What’s the difference between a badger and a beaver? Sounds like the beginning of a dirty joke?”
4. Montana Grizzlies
65 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Of all the teams, that name makes the most sense.”
3. Long Beach State 49ers
66 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Sounds like they pigeon-holed themselves. If I was going to pick a number, I’d pick the ones or maybe the sevens, because it’s lucky.”
2. Purdue Boilermakers
67 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“That could be a chicken that’s boiled, not fried.”
1. Brigham Young Cougars
68 of 68Keri’s thoughts:
“Now that makes sense since cougars like them young.”
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