Recapping Stanford's Pro Day: Big Men, a Beardless Quarterback and Active Brooms

LEAST SURPRISING PIECE OF NON-BREAKING NEWS EVER: Andrew Luck looked a lot like Andrew Luck at Stanford’s pro day, which is no doubt a good thing if you’re an Indianapolis Colts fan.

He battled through some pretty severe winds, completed almost all of his passes outside of a few drops and perhaps a wind-aided misfire or two, and even made some extra throws when asked to complete a few more tosses by scouts in attendance.

Luck satisfied the scouts’ desire for more action by tossing a perfect 70-yard bomb—no, he wasn’t throwing a whistling Nerf Vortex—to his target, who proceeded to drop the long-distance bullet that caught him directly in the gut. There’s a scout out there that will attempt to blame this drop on Luck’s inability to throw a spiral, work ethic, etc., so just be ready for this.

Although many will point out that Luck all but locked up his #1 overall draft position with his performance (even though he locked this up back in May of last year), there were a few other important observations worth noting from Stanford’s pro day.

Well, at least one of the following is semi-important.

Some Love For The Big Men

Surprise, surprise. The coverage regarding Stanford’s pro day has been and will continue to be all about Andrew Luck. Luck, however, wasn’t the only individual that basically cashed a blank check on Thursday with his performance. Large men accomplished large things, and I’ll be damned if that goes unnoticed.

Stanford’s Linemen David DeCastro and Jonathan Martin did a fine brick wall impression this season, and both looked good on Thursday.  Each should now be locks to go in the top 18 picks overall. This means large signing bonuses, and better yet, large steaks.

Tight end Coby Fleener, however, hit the jackpot with his ability to run in a straight line faster than most men his size. He posted a 4.45 in the 40, which could bump him into the 1^st round. Not bad for a guy that is tipping the scales at nearly 250 pounds. 

We see you, big men. We see you.

Andrew Luck No Longer Has a Beard, Which is Sad

We get it. Luck is no longer a college kid, he’s a brand now. Still, the lack of caveman facial hair is something that I already miss. I mean, seriously, just look at this thing. The fact that we are deprived of this at all is truly depressing. Yes, it's been gone for a while, but you really feel distant from it when he works out without pads and a helmet.

Once Luck has signed his name on the dotted lines, filmed every commercial for the array of endorsements that are about to fall into his lap and HAS gotten away from the corporate side of being an NFL star, my hope is that he will one day grow this beard again.

Don’t listen to the “I’m not going to be the person you want me to be anymore” guy in that horrendous fragrance commercial. You love that beard, we love that beard, and that beard loves you. I’m playing the role of beard matchmaker, and I’m not ashamed of it.

It’s 2012, There Has to be Something Better Than a Broom

For those of you that didn’t catch this gem live, Luck was forced to move around and out of the pocket while coaches harassed him with a broom. George Whitfield, Luck's QB coach (he's also coached Cam Newton) was the man with the broom-wavin' plan. It’s basically the same thing our moms used to do with us, only we weren’t doing this for drill purposes. Instead we were avoiding the broom because we didn’t want to get hit with it.

Given the hoopla surrounding this televised event, this has to be the biggest day for brooms everywhere. Somewhere, a lead broom marketing man is watching video of Andrew Luck just barely avoiding these brown bristles and is doing fist pumps in his office. This is a big day for the housewares business, I imagine.

The year is 2012, however, and there simply has to be a better alternative to this. If we can consistently send people to the moon for more than 40 years, then we must have more technologically advanced ways to put a quarterback under duress. 

Actual people rushing the passer? That seems like a fine solution, but I’d like to see something more…futuristic. Robots, or even robot brooms—broombots?—seem like a better option. 

If this is not implemented by 2014 into all Pro Days, then we have failed as a society.