Liverpool, Arsenal, Spurs and Man Utd: Your EPL Weekend Viewing Menu

Midweek distractions be damned. The Premier League is back.

International friendlies are nice and all—unless you're Arsene Wenger, that is—but if we're all being honest with ourselves, we don't give a crap about most of them.

Sure, the second half of England-Holland was as exciting as a a direwolf at Winterfell (nerd alert!), and for Americans there are few things quite like beating the Italians (OK, Zombies. And Nazis. And the French. And Zombie Nazis.).

The rest, though? Appetizers, at best.

The Premier League is where it's at, and thank God it's back.

Watch out for the Zombie Nazis, though.

So, here are the week's top-five most watchable matches, as judged by me.

Looking forward to something else? Tell me all about it in the comments.

Follow Mike on Twitter: @MikeCummings37

Liverpool-Arsenal

Basics: Saturday, 7:45 a.m. Eastern, ESPN2; EPL table

What's Up: Arsene Wenger is raging over the midweek internationals. Nothing new there, but it really could be a lot worse for Le Professeur.

That's the thing, though: Wenger is back to being Le Professeur, thanks to Arsenal's ridiculously awesome comeback last week against Spurs in the North London Derby. I wrote afterwards that it's time to take a step back from all the Wenger-hating until the end of the season, and I'll stand by that.

So, Arsenal's hot—but so is Liverpool.

The Reds won everyone's favorite Micky Mouse trophy last weekend, but Micky Mouse or not, that's more silverware than Arsenal has won in seven years.

Liverpool won the first meeting this year, 2-0 at the Emirates. But that was so long ago that Samir Nasri and Andrei Arshavin both played that day for Arsenal. And Luis Suarez was still just a douchebag—not yet a full-on racist.

Both teams are hot, and both teams desperately want to finish in the top four. This game could really have a cup-final feel to it.

Rating: 4.5 Zombie Nazis (out of 5)

Prediction: I'd give Arsenal a slight advantage on momentum, but the Gunners rarely fare well at Anfield. And that defense is just silly. Liverpool 3, Arsenal 2

Tottenham Hotspur-Manchester United

Basics: Sunday, 11:10 a.m. Eastern, Fox Soccer (live); EPL table

What's Up: Yeah, Spurs got spanked last week by Arsenal even after taking a 2-0 lead. Now they get to play Manchester United and Sir Alex Ferguson, who have made a living off of taking advantage of teams' weaknesses for the better part of two decades.

How will Spurs react? Will it even matter?

Isn't United destined to keep winning and set up the epic Gathering at the Eastlands in April?

There can be only one, after all, and our precious title-decider between the Manchester Duo can't have any interlopers ruining things between now and then.

Rating: Maybe it's set in stone, but maybe not. 4 Zombie Nazis

Prediction: Eh, it's probably set in stone. Spurs 1, United 2

Newcastle United-Sunderland

Basics: Sunday, 7 a.m. Eastern, Fox Soccer Plus (live); EPL table

What's Up: If anyone tells you they have either team figured out, punch them repeatedly in the face.

No one knows what's up with either team. Newcastle started strong, then kinda faded, then got back into the top four. They're still sniffing around the top four, lurking like Joey Barton outside a McDonalds after 15 beers.

Sunderland played awful football early in the season, sacked their manager, hired the never-aging Martin O'Neill, climbed up the table, knocked Arsenal out of the FA Cup, then lost 4-0 to West Brom.

West Brom!

When I say anything can happen, that's an understatement. Plus, with the whole rivalry dynamic, this one should be crazy.

Rating: 4 Zombie Nazis

Prediction: Oi. Who knows? Might as well predict something crazy. Newcastle 3, Sunderland 3

West Bromwich Albion-Chelsea

Basics: Saturday, 10 a.m. Eastern, Fox Soccer Plus (live); EPL table

What's Up: Speaking of West Brom, here's another chance to claim a famous win. A repeat of last week's 4-0 scoreline would probably lead to Roman Abramovich asking for Andre Villas-Boas' head on a plate.

Of course, that may come in a couple more weeks anyway.

Rating: 3.5 Zombie Nazis

Prediction: Even with all the recent craziness, Chelsea and AVB apparently know how to get it done against lesser teams in the EPL. So, does that make you feel good about them? Me neither. West Brom 1, Chelsea 1

Stoke City-Norwich City

Basics: Saturday, 10 a.m. Eastern, Fox Soccer Plus (delayed, 4:30 p.m.); EPL table

What's Up: Eight teams are bunched within six points of each other in the middle of the table. Norwich leads the group with 35 points, good for eighth place overall.

Aston Villa is 15th (when did that happen?) with 29.

Stoke City (12th) is one of four teams with 33 points.

That means this is a battle for mid-table mediocrity. Normally that wouldn't get me all hot and bothered, but I've got a soft spot for Norwich City. OK, and Swansea City, too. Does that make me a soccer bigamist? Trigamist?

Rating: 3 Zombie Nazis

Prediction: I want to go with my Canaries. A draw is a good result here. Stoke 1, Norwich 1