Andy Roddick: What A-Rod Must Do to Get Back on Top

Will the real Andy Roddick please stand (back) up?

Roddick had to retire at the Australian Open last week—another disappointing result in what has been a disappointing few years for the American with a big serve.

So what will it take to fix the man who reached the No. 1 ranking in men's tennis back in 2003?

I've got a few suggestions, some serious and some, well, not so much.

You decide which is which.

Find the fountain of youth.

Andy Roddick isn't getting any younger—it turns out that nobody in the world has ever actually gotten younger—and his opportunity to reach the top of the tennis world is closing rapidly.

But, perhaps, a quest to find the fountain of youth will revitalize Roddick's tennis game.

Convince Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer and Andy Murray to retire.

Because, I'm not sure Roddick has what it takes to beat any of these players at this point in his career.

Divorce Brooklyn Decker.

There aren't any numbers to suggest his tennis game took a drastic dive after he married Decker in 2009.

I just wish the supermodel would hit the market again. I'm convinced she would be into me.

Honestly, I'm positive she would be into me.

I'm dead serious, you guys.

Change his style of play.

The following is from Patrick McEnroe (via the Straight Sets blog on The New York Times' website):

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"It’s more about positioning yourself to move forward at the right time. To cut off the angles. Andy has improved that part of his game. But he hasn’t done enough to improve his ability to finish points. That doesn’t mean hitting the ball harder. It means hitting the ball earlier and better and cutting the angles off. Maybe he doesn’t believe he can do that."

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There's also this:

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"But I believe time is running out. I said this two years ago. If he continues to play this style, which is a grinding style, having to grind it out, it will wear on him physically and mentally. You’re seeing that happen now. How much more can he push himself to do this? Serving huge and playing defensively. It’s hard to do that at his age. It’s hard to do that at any age. I want to see him go out with a bang."

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That seems like better advice than I can offer you, Roddick. You would be wise to heed it.

Hit me up on Twitter—that's where the magic happens.