LeBron James vs. the World: What If King James Played Every Other Sport?

There are many reasons to be grateful the NBA will be back by Christmas. Fans get their game back, players get their paychecks back and Stephen A. Smith will finally go back to screaming about basketball (something he knows about) instead of football (something he doesn't). 

The best thing about the NBA lockout ending is that LeBron James can go back to playing basketball. No more tweeting to Seahawks coach Pete Carroll about the free agency period. No more flag football games and end zone celebrations. And no more idiotic and banal discussion by the media about LeBron being able to play anything that isn't basketball. 

Beyond an exaggerated eye roll, I've never once engaged anyone in this absurd discussion, mostly because it's dumb. Love him or hate him, LeBron is one of the biggest talents the game of basketball has ever seen. Plus, it's made him rich as hell. Why would he ever leave for another sport?

He wouldn't. Period. But for argument's sake, let's consider what it might look like if he actually did. Because let's face it, no matter how well he performed, people would watch.

Let's see how he stacks up against the best (and worst) at various positions in sports that aren't basketball...just for "fun."  

And then let's never have this conversation ever again. 

LeBron in the NFL

Since LeBron's illustrious high school football career is the root of this entire ridiculous discussion, and this assignment, it makes sense to start with the NFL.

LeBron was an all-state wide receiver in high school, but could he play wide receiver in the NFL? How about tight end? Quarterback? Cornerback? Could he even play kicker in the NFL?

How might he stack up against the best and worst, and those in between, at those positions?

Let's see. 

LeBron vs. MEGATRON, WR (uh-Mazing)

The Matchup: How does all-state high school receiver LeBron match up against Lions superstar receiver Calvin Johnson?

The Game: An NFL game, all things being equal in terms of looks, passes and scoring opportunities. 

The Outcome: Johnson's a hero; he catches everything that comes his way and doesn't shy away from contact. LebBron's a zero; he probably still has good hands, but his unwillingness to take a hit would make the suddenly allergic to contact DeSean Jackson look like a young Hines Ward. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Johnson a high ankle sprain, bruised ribs and a broken finger. 

LeBron vs. Jerricho Cotchery, WR (Meh....)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. a solid veteran with relatively unremarkable stats. 

The Game: Late fourth quarter of an NFL game and a catch on the five-yard line and a quick dash to the end zone seals victory and a playoff berth. 

The Outcome: Cotchery makes the grab and forces his way into the end zone. LeBron makes the grab and steps out of bounds on the three. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Cotchery a mild flu and a nasty contract dispute. 

LeBron vs. FredEx, WR (BLECH)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. a bottom of the barrel receiver whose only real talent is running his mouth. 

The Game: The Super Bowl XXXIX.

The Outcome: After a week of taunting the Patriots and calling out Rodney Harrison by name, Mitchell ends up with one catch for 11 yards; Harrison ends up with two picks.

Remember LeBron and D-Wade making fun of Dirk Nowtizki in the 2011 NBA Finals? His trash talk would have been more subtle, but LeBron probably would have matched or exceeded Mitchell's performance on the field. 

Required to even the playing field: Give FredEx a muzzle, and you've got yourself a pretty even playing field. 

LeBron vs. Aaron Rodgers, QB (Ballertronic)

The Matchup: Think LeBron can play football in the NFL? Why not quarterback? Could he hang with the big boys like Drew Brees, Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers?

The Game: Let's take hitting out of the equation and have them quarterback opposing teams in an imaginary flag football game. 

The Outcome: With no threat of a bone-crushing sack, Rodgers' completion rate shoots up from 69.6 percent to 94 percent and he delights in running up the score. LeBron gives it his best, but turns out he's just a chucker, lobbing it down field hoping someone else can make something happen. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Rodgers a broken throwing thumb, a migraine, a seriously ill family member and a hot date after the game with a new model to distract him. 

LeBron vs. Kevin Kolb, QB (Barely Serviceable)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. an underperforming, physically-fragile quarterback who plays a full game every five weeks. 

The Game: They each quarterback the Cardinals in a game against the Patriots. 

The Outcome: Kolb completes about 55 percent of his passes with two touchdowns, a fumble and a pick before getting knocked out in the third quarter. LeBron completes substantially less passes with a number of turnovers but manages to finish the game. They both lose, so it doesn't matter. 

Required to even the playing field: Nothing. Is a barely-mediocre quarterback who can't finish a game any better than a bad quarterback who can?

LeBron vs. JaMarcus Russell, QB (Useless Stump)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. one of the biggest QB draft busts in history, his bad attitude only eclipsed by his laziness. 

The Game: Insert LeBron into one of Russell's games from 2009 to see if he could possibly perform worse. In 12 games played, Russell managed three touchdowns, 11 interceptions and nine fumbles. 

The Outcome: This is just speculation (as is all of this), but I say LeBron outperforms Russell in 10 of 12 games. 

Required to even the playing field: Give LeBron a steady diet of Cheetos and purple drink. 

LeBron vs. Adrian Peterson, RB (God-Like)

The Matchup: Can you be too tall to play running back? Let's assume you can't be and see how LeBron might match up against one of the best RB's of the decade. 

The Game: Any game. 

The Outcome: AP is money. LeBron is not. 

Required to even the playing field: Give AP a broken leg and then you've got yourself a contest. 

LeBron vs. Danny Woodhead, RB (Trying Hard)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. the NFL's Rudy. An undersized underdog who has built an NFL career on sheer will and determination. 

The Game: Again, any game. 

The Outcome: Woodhead would get four to eight carries, but would run each of them like it was his last, ending up with 20-50 yards. LeBron would get four to eight carries, but would run out of bounds on most and end up with five to 25 yards. 

Required to even the playing field: Take away half of Woodhead's heart and most of his grit. 

LeBron vs. Deji Karim, RB (Who?)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. a backup running back who really doesn't make the best of his chances. It's no fun living in Maurice Jones-Drew's shadow, but averaging 2.0 yards per carry isn't the way to get out of it. 

The Game: Any game. Any number of carries. 

The Outcome: Karim manages 2.0 yards per carry. LeBron would have to be really disinterested to do much worse than that. 

Required to even the playing field: Sounds like a pretty fair fight. LeBron is a better athlete, but Karim is a football player. 

LeBron vs. Rob Gronkowski, TE (Already a Legend)

The Matchup: So this is the position everyone says LeBron could step in and play in the NFL. Could he play it in beastmode like Gronk, who he matches up well with size wise?

The Game: The Pats/Jets game in November 2011. 

The Outcome: Well, Gronk had eight receptions for 113 yards and two touchdowns, one of which came on a head-first dive into the end zone. Can you even imagine LeBron attempting a play like that?

Required to even the playing field: Not even plausible. 

LeBron vs. Matt Spaeth, TE (Journeyman No-Name)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. an underwhelming tight end who is destined for anonymity. 

The Game: Any.

The Outcome: They might be interchangeable for the most part, but Spaeth would be a bigger physical contributor. 

Required to even the playing field: Take away Spaeth's willingness/ability to block. 

LeBron vs. David Akers, K (Great at Kicking)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. the best kicker in the NFL.

The Game: Best of 10 field goals from the 30-yard line. 

The Outcome: Akers goes 10-for-10. LeBron goes 1-for-10. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Akers a blindfold…although I bet he still hits at least five. 

LeBron vs. Olindo Mare, K (Kinda Sucky at Kicking)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. one of the worst kickers (statistically) in the NFL.

The Game: Best of 10 field goals from the 35.

The Outcome: Mare goes 7-for-10. LeBron goes 1-for-10. 

Required to even the playing field: A blindfold again, and even this guy probably still hits two or three with it. 

LeBron vs. Darrelle Revis, CB (Has His Own Island)

The Matchup: Isn't the cornerback position for receivers who can't catch? LeBron might have the size and speed to play the position, but would he have his own island?

The Game: Doesn't matter. 

The Outcome: Revis stuns, in a good way. LeBron stuns in a bad way. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Revis an eye-patch, 10-pound weights on each ankle and a runny nose. 

LeBron vs. Devin McCourty, CB (MUCH Worse Than Revis)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. a former Pro Bowl cornerback who lost all of his abilities during the lockout and might lose his starting job.  

The Game: Patriots/Redskins, December 2011

The Outcome: The Pats cannot defend the pass and were picked apart by Rex Grossman. Put LeBron in for McCourty, and the final score is probably the same. 

Required to even the playing field: Meh…a little practice, and LeBron could probably step in for this dude. 

LeBron in MLB

Major League Baseball seems like the "easiest" sport for athletes of other, more athletic, sports to cross over to. 

LeBron doesn't have any baseball experience, but if Bo Jackson and Michael Jordan could do it…well, Bo Jackson could do it. 

LeBron vs. Roy Halladay, P (Strikes People Out)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. Phillies ace Roy Hallady 

The Outcome: Click here. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Hallady a broken pitching arm, heaving it with his left harm. 

LeBron vs. James McDonald, P (Strikes *SOME* People Out)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. a Pittsburgh Pirate. 

The Outcome: Click here. 

Required to even the playing field: Get McDonald drunk before the game and have him sit while pitching.

LeBron vs. Derek Lowe, P (Strikes Relatively Few People Out)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. the Braves Derek Lowe, who had a 5.05 ERA and about twice as many losses than wins. 

The Outcome: Click here.

Required to even the playing field: Get Lowe really drunk the night before the game, write something nasty about him on his locker and have him pitch standing on one foot. 

LeBron vs. Casey Kotchman, 1B (Good)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. the Ray's Casey Kotchman, arguably the best at the position. 

The Outcome: Click here.

Required to even the playing field: Put Kotchman on rollerblades and have him hold a kitten in his left hand. 

LeBron vs. Justin Smoak, FB (Passable)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. the Mariners fairly average first baseman, Justin Smoak. 

The Outcome: Click here. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Smoak two of those leg braces that don't allow the knees to bend and take away his tobacco for added distraction. 

LeBron vs. Prince Fielder, FB (at Least He Can Hit)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. future designated hitter Prince Fielder. 

The Outcome: Click here. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Fielder an eye-patch and an unaddressable wedgie. 

LeBron vs. Matt Kemp (Top-Notch Slugger)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. Dodgers slugger Matt Kemp 

The Outcome: Click here. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Kemp some hallucinogenic substances and replace his bat with a piece of driftwood. 

LeBron vs. Jason Bartlett (Earns His Paycheck)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. Padres Jason Bartlett

The Outcome: Click here. 

Required to even the playing field: Have Bartlett hit lefty with an oversized sombrero which obscures his view. 

LeBron vs. Mark Reynolds (Should Be Flipping Burgers)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. the Orioles Mark Reynolds, who was one of the least impressive hitters in MLB this year. 

The Outcome: Click here. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Reynolds a walking boot, one of those weird neck braces and headphones with death metal blasting in his ears. 

LeBron in the PGA or ATP

Perhaps LeBron will want to take up golf or tennis as a hobby in the offseason. Naturally that would lead to discussion of him, being the amazing athlete that he is, potentially trying to make a go of it as a pro. 

Wonder how that would all play out? Not well is my guess…but we'll see. 

LeBron vs. Tiger Woods, PGA (Ranked 23rd)

The Matchup: For all of Tiger Woods' "struggles," he's still the 23rd-best player in the world. 

The Outcome: LeBron plays a little golf in his spare time, but Tiger would absolutely humiliate him. Which is pretty fitting for the dude who dunks on little kids. 

Required to even the playing field: Magic.

LeBron vs. Kevin Johnson, PGA (Ranked 1,389)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. Kevin Johnson, ranked 1,389 in the world. Did you even know the PGA ranked golfers all the way to 1,389?

The Outcome: Pretty much the same as if he played Tiger Woods. Even the golfer ranked 1,389 in the world, he is still a lot better than four billion people. 

Required to even the playing field: Johnson coming down with a serious stomach flu. 

LeBron vs. Rafael Nadal, ATP (Ranked 2nd)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. the No. 2 tennis player in the world, Rafael Nadal 

The Outcome: A drubbing.

Required to even the playing field: Not worth discussing. 

LeBron vs. Alexei Filenkov, ATP (Ranked 1,951)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. the No. 1,951-ranked player in the world, Alexei Filenkov 

The Outcome: Filenkov is ranked so desperately low by the ATP that pictures of him don't even exist, and even he would absolutely trounce LeBron. 

Required to even the playing field: Some Tim Tebow divine intervention. 

LeBron vs. Caroline Wozniacki, WTA (Ranked 1st)

The Matchup: How about against the girls? LeBron vs. Caroline Wozniacki, ranked No. 1 in the world by the WTA. 

The Outcome: An utter shellacking.

Required to even the playing field: Andy Roddick as his doubles partner and Wozniacki with a bum ankle. 

LeBron vs. Skylar Morton, WTA (Ranked 1,200-Plus)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. Skylar Morton, ranked 1,200 by the WTA.

The Outcome: You know, I like to think that with the proper training and preparation, that LeBron could beat the 1,200th-best woman in the world at tennis. 

Required to even the playing field: A full year of training, minimum. 

LeBron in MMA or Boxing

Well, this is what the people of Cleveland would most like to see LeBron try his hand at. He's a big guy with a long reach, but there's no way he's got the mettle to withstand the type of beatings that are dished out in this world. 

But whatever, let's (briefly) consider it. 

LeBron vs. Wladimir Klitschko

The Matchup: At 6'8 and 250 pounds, LeBron would be classified in the heavyweight division. That means he could potentially face heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko. 

The Game: This dude is no joke. LeBron might not survive. 

Required to even the playing field: A firearm of some sort. 

LeBron vs. Don Flamenco (PunchOut's Resident Frenchman)

The Matchup: Don Flamenco definitely isn't a heavyweight, but he's got more experience than LeBron, so it's a fair match. 

The Outcome: Flamenco may not look tough, but he's no pushover, especially the second time you fight him. He'd probably beat LeBron.  

Required to even the playing field: LeBron could definitely take him down the first time as long as he knows how to dodge and uppercut. 

LeBron vs. Glass Joe (PunchOut's Sacrificial Lamb)

The Matchup: Glass Joe is a guaranteed victory for anyone who wants it enough.  

The Outcome: LeBron should win; it's almost harder to lose to this guy. 

Required to even the playing field: Glass Joe would need some balls. 

LeBron vs. Junior Dos Santos, MMA (Skullcracker)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. UFC heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos.

The Outcome: I suspect LeBron would take one look into Santos' eyes and head for the door. 

Required to even the playing field: A genie and a wish. 

LeBron vs. Tito Ortiz, MMA (Aged Bruiser)

The Matchup: LeBron vs. UFC's Tito Ortiz. 

The Outcome: Ortiz is smaller than LeBron and about three years past his prime, but obviously, he'd still beat the hell out of him. 

Required to even the playing field: A weapon of some sort, but the concern is that Ortiz would wrestle it away and use it himself. 

LeBron in Various Sports

Perhaps LeBron fancies himself a race car driver or has plans to pursue a career in soccer after his basketball skills start to diminish.

It's never smart to take cues from Chad Ochocinco, but to each his own.  

LeBron vs. Henrik Lundqvist, NHL

The Matchup: LeBron vs. Rangers superstar goalie, Henrik Lundqvist. 

The Game: Standard NHL shootout, facing the same five players. 

The Outcome: Lundqvist stops 4 of 5. Lebron stops 1 of 5; there's a chance he could stumble in front of the puck if he can't ice skate. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Lundqvist a blindfold, and they'd be about even. 

LeBron vs. Tony Stewart, NASCAR

The Matchup: LeBron vs. 2011 Sprint Cup Winner Tony Stewart 

The Game: A two-car race (to prevent a horrifying crash), 100 laps at Talladega. 

The Outcome: Stewart finishes his 100 laps and LeBron has about 55 to go. 

Required to even the playing field: Require Stewart to have all four tires changed every 10 laps. 

LeBron vs. Hope Solo, Soccer

The Matchup: LeBron vs. U.S. women's soccer goalie Hope Solo 

The Game: Each facing five penalty kicks from the same five U.S. women soccer players. 

The Outcome: Solo stops four of five. LeBron stops two of five. He might not be a soccer player, but he's a big dude who takes up a lot of the net. 

Required to even the playing field: Give Solo a walking boot and have a few people heckling her with megaphones. She's very easily agitated. 

LeBron vs. Cristiano Ronaldo, Soccer

The Matchup: LeBron vs. Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo.

The Game: Each kicking five penalty kicks against the same goalie. 

The Outcome: Ronaldo goes 3-for-5. LeBron goes 0-for-5. 

Required to even the playing field: Replace LeBron's goalie with a little kid. 

LeBron in the Olympics

The 2012 Summer Olympic Games in London will be here before you know it! If LeBron is one of the finest athletes in the world, then he should be able to step in and compete in a variety of events. Naturally, he'd have varying levels of success. 

LeBron vs. Usain Bolt

The Matchup: LeBron vs. the fastest man in the world, Jamaica's Usain Bolt. 

The Game: A race of some sort. 

The Outcome: Bolt would win and then dance around a pouting LeBron. 

Required to even the playing field: One of those parachutes that runners use to train. That should slow him down a little. 

LeBron vs. Michael Phelps

The Matchup: LeBron vs. swimming phenomenon Michael Phelps 

The Game: It really doesn't matter. 

The Outcome: Phelps would finish the race, smoke a bong and eat 12,000 calories before LeBron finished. 

Required to even the playing field: Maybe a dolphin for LeBron to hitch a ride on. 

LeBron and USA Basketball vs. the World

And finally, something besides NBA basketball that would be worth seeing LeBron compete in: Olympic basketball. 

The Outcome: (United States wins the gold) USA! USA! USA!