Hottest Sports Stories for Monday, Dec. 12
Ryan Braun had some pharmaceutical help recently, Tim Tebow leads the NFL in results that don't make a lick of sense and the Lakers have lost their damned minds.
Welcome to the Daily Radar, the one place that will try to put together this mess we call the sports world. If not, at least there are video clips. Leave your comments in the place marked comments.
Let's dish.
.jpg?w=256 "Colts Jaguars Football")
In this edition:
- Miami Dolphins Fire Tony Sparano
- NBA Drive Hardest of Bargains
- Chyna's Career Keeps Getting Better
- Todd Haley Is Evil and Will Never Work In Kansas City Again
- Mikhail Prokhorov Wants To Take Over The World
- Joe Mauer's Sideburns Get Engaged
- Chris Paul Single-Handily Makes Clippers Relevant
- Latest Episode of Tim Tebow Saves Broncos is Here
- Ryan Braun Equals Barry Bonds Minus Big Head
- Lakers Now < Clippers Soon
- RG3 Wins Hearts and Heisman
- NFL Case of the Mondays
- Hottest Videos of the Day
- Bits of Tid
- Daily Dessert
TONY SPARANO LOOKING FOR WORK IF YOU NEED MEDIOCRE LEADERSHIP
The Miami Dolphins have reportedly pulled the plug on the lackluster Tony Sparano era. The Dolphins were in the middle of sucking, but not nearly enough for Andrew Luck.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Who's next?
Our Take: The usual big names like Jeff Fisher and Bill Cowher will be thrown about. I think they will settle on just about anyone that can manage to win at home.
Hype Meter: 2 out of 5 Ho Hums
We knew Sparano was going to be fired for weeks. It's any wonder that I never saw his name surface on LinkedIn looking for jobs.
Deeper Dive:
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CHRIS PAUL MAY WANT TO UNPACK HIS BAGS
Another deal that would have seen Chris Paul leave New Orleans has collapsed. It seems David Stern will only have CP3 traded if the Hornets gate 90's Michael Jordan, Alonzo Mourning from NBA Jam and Bo Jackson from Tecmo Bowl.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Will Paul ever get traded?
Our Take: It seems that a team is going to have to gut their squad and give up decades of picks to lure Paul out of New Orleans. At this point, it's not worth it for any team to get involved. Sorry Hornets fans, but Paul will leave and you will get nothing for it. Don't worry, you may not have a team by then anyway.
Hype Meter: 5 out of 5 Contraction
There are only two things that make sense here. Either Stern is looking to contraction, or he is huffing glue and turpentine cocktails while Adam Silver rubs his feet. Not sure which one I would be more pleased with.
Deeper Dive:
Hornets Chris Paul to Clippers Reportedly Dead (Yahoo Sports)
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FORMER WWE STAR CHYNA REPORTEDLY AN EXPENSIVE ESCORT
If you have $20,000 just lying around the house and you have nothing to do, you can reportedly hang out with a former wrestler turned D-list celebrity turned adult film star Chyna.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Is it really only $20,000?
Our Take: I know it sounds like a bargain, but if the rumors are true, then yes. Who needs to put money down on a house when you can spend time with a woman that can body slam you through a table?
Hype Meter: 3 out of 5 Bad Career Choices
We would be more hyped about this news, but Chyna has been wandering down this path for so long that it would be more of a shock to find out that these rumors are not true.
Deeper Dive
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TODD HALEY GOES DOWN HARDER THAN THE CHIEFS' 2011 SEASON
Apparently winning a division title last season and losing your starting quarterback and running back this season don't buy you a lot of leeway in Kansas City. The Chiefs have fired head coach Todd Haley thanks to a 5-8 start.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Did Haley deserve to lose his job?
Our Take: Absolutely not. He won a division title last season with a team that had no expectations. Jamaal Charles got hurt in the first game of this season, Matt Cassel didn't last much longer, and no one could have won big with this team.
Hype Meter: 5 out of 5 Angry Fingers
Perhaps Haley just wasn't the coach that Scott Pioli wanted and he needed some excuse to get rid of him. Now, Haley can look for another head coaching job somewhere or take a job as an offensive coordinator for a year.
Deeper Dive
Chiefs Relieve Haley of Duties (Chiefs.com)
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NETS OWNER MIKHAIL PROKHOROV WANTS TO OWN RUSSIA
Mikhail Prokhorov is done making stupid jokes about having the third pick in the NBA draft and Michael Jordan. He wants to play with the big boys in his home country by running for President of Russia.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Will he acknowledge the Nets in his campaign?
Our Take: If he wants to win, no. The Nets might be improving, but he hasn't turned them around yet. If he had a championship on his mantle, he could brag about how awesome he is at fixing things in a short amount of time.
Hype Meter: 5 out of 5 Jet-Ski Stunts
Prokhorov is one of the few NBA owners that actually has a strong public persona in this country, so I will be interested to see how this whole thing plays out for him.
Deeper Dive
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JOE MAUER BREAKS THE HEARTS OF MINNESOTA WOMEN
Joe Mauer, whose sideburns have actually helped inspire me in my adult life, is taking the bold step of getting engaged to his high school sweetheart. Now if she can find a way to keep his knees stable for 130-140 games, the Twins will be just fine.
Question on Everybody's Mind: So what do the women in Minnesota do now?
Our Take: I know that this won't be anyone's favorite solution, but they could always turn their attention to Christian Ponder. While it's true he can't hold a candle to Mauer's epic sideburns, but he is younger and has some potential.
Hype Meter: 5 out of 5 Joe Mauer Sideburns (Yes, it's cool to make this many sideburns references)
In all seriousness, we wish Joe and his fiancee all the best in their life together. He seems like a good guy and represents himself in the best way possible, so I assume that he knows what he is doing.
Deeper Dive
Joe Mauer Is Off The Market (Larry Brown Sports)
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CLIPPERS SHOW LAKERS HOW IT'S DONE
As of late o'clock Sunday night, the Clippers were a hope, skip and a jump from trading for Chris Paul. Wait, so Donald Sterling is a good guy now? Am I in some sort of nightmare?
Question on Everybody's Mind: Is this a good deal for Clippers?
Our Take: Totes. The Clippers give away Chris Caveman and some duds. I think I just heard Kobe Bryant's head explode into a million pieces.
Hype Meter: 5 out of 5 Clipper Curses
We all know this is too good to be true for Clippers fans. The curse is bound to rear its ugly head. I fully expect Chris Paul to grow a Baron Davis beard and an Eddy Curry gut now.
Deeper Dive:
Clippers Close in on CP3 (ESPN)
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TIM TEBOW TEBOWS ALL OVER THE TEBOW
Tim Tebow now leads the NFL in fourth quarter wins while the opposition implodes on the other side of the field. That stat may be made up, but the miracle that is Tebow is not. He won again, and the reason cannot be explained by human tongues.
Question on Everybody's Mind: How does he do it?
Our Take: No clue but it has America feeling like this. Honestly, if a unicorn had come out to midfield and started to give birth to leprechauns who then battled a bunch of Smurfs for control of the world, I would not have been surprised. In fact, I would be able to explain that away much more than Timmy Tebro and the Get Fresh Crew.
Hype Meter: 5 out of 5 Are You Smurfin Serious
Honestly, Tebow and the Broncos coming from behind yet again goes against the laws of physics. I am starting to view Tebow's games with the same skepticism that I have when watching David Blaine. He is basically M. Bison in this scene.
That Would Pretty Much Do It Tweet Award:
Deeper Dive:
Tim Tebow and Broncos Rally Again to Beat Chicago Bears (Denver Post)
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RYAN BRAUN TESTS POSITIVE FOR CHEATING
The Hebrew Hammer tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs over the weekend. He will appeal the decision to which he calls, "B.S." Here is footage of Braun leaving Brewers facilities. I guess we should have known.
Question on Everybody's Mind: How bad is this for Braun?
Our Take: He is now forever tarnished, like Barry Bonds, Raphael Palmeiro and that plate of chicken that has been in my fridge since Groundhog's Day. He is appealing the positive test and claims that he will be absolved of all wrongdoings. Currently, we are well below the Mendoza line on players that actually made good on similar claims.
Hype Meter: 5 out of 5 Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eaters
David Stern should give a shout out to Braun for getting caught when the NBA stuff really hit the fan. Now this is a bigger story than the gross misappropriation of power taking place in the NBA.
Deeper Dive:
Braun Joins Long List of Players Scrutinized for PED Use (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)
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LAKERS TRADE LAMAR ODOM FOR COUPONS FROM PENNY SAVER
You remember that Lakers team that spent heavy, even on teams that featured Eddie Jones and Sedale Threatt? Well, they are so keen on saving that they traded Lamar Odom for whatever the Mavericks had in their custodial closet.
Question on Everybody's Mind: What the hell is going on?
Our Take: No idea. The Lakers went from wanting to have both Dwight Howard and Chris Paul to now dumping one of their best players for absolutely nothing. If the Lakers don't flip this deal for something bigger, they just went through one of the worst weekends in club transaction history.
Hype Meter: 4 out of 5 Worst. Trade. Evers
The Lakers are far worse than they were a mere week ago, far worse. This is how all Lakers fans felt when a weekend of promise went to poop. Even if Odom demanded a trade, you give him a bro hug and move on, not trade him to the enemy.
Deeper Dive:
Kobe Bryant Upset About Lamar Odom Trade (CBS Sports)
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ROBERT GRIFFIN III IS FIRST IN HEARTS OF HEISMAN, AWWWW
In a weekend that saw Tebow win again and the Lakers begin to pinch pennies, the most unlikely of stars took the trophy. Robert Griffin III is your 2011 Heisman winner.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Was he true winner?
Our Take: I like this decision immensely. It was a tight race and Griffin deserved it by putting together one of the best statistical years ever. Perhaps the Colts should consider sucking for RGIII. I guess they could also consider not sucking period.
Hype Meter: 3 out of 5 Andrew Lucks
We love to see the little guy win. It's why Rudy makes me cry and Cool Runnings makes me cry harder. It also filled my holiday with so much cheer to see Stanford's Andrew Luck stung before he goes onto a Hall of Fame career in the NFL. The White Goodman of football was left to clap for RG3.
Deeper Dive:
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NFL CASE OF THE MONDAYS
Here is a breakdown of the only things you need to know about the NFL. Well, at least those things that aren't Tebow.
AARON RODGERS CONTINUES STREAK OF MAD SKILLS
Aaron Rodgers and the Packers essentially gave the Raiders noogies, swirlies and wedgies for four straight quarters. Green Bay stays perfect with an annihilation of the Raiders.
COWBOYS ARE BIZARRO BRONCOS
Sunday night gave us a thrilling game that saw Peyton's little brother get the win and the Giants control of the division. The Cowboys played the part of choke artists and saw their star running back hit with a season-ending injury. All this is to say things could be going better for the Cowboys. Perhaps they could have Tebow come and bless the team.
TOM BRADY DOESN'T LIKE BEING YELLED AT
As ESPN reports, Tom Brady got into a war of words with offensive coordinator Bill O'Brien. Brady took exception to being called out for throwing an interception. Boy, imagine if Tyler Palko reacted the same way after throwing picks.
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DAILY FUN WITH MOVING PICTURES
Because pictures are so '90s.
SOCCER TRICK VIDEO, NOW WITH MORE AWESOME
Happy Holidays from UNC-Asheville star goalkeeper Lassi Hurskainen and teammate Dan Jackson who save the season one trick shot at a time.
Deeper Dive: Watch UNC-Asheville Star Save Christmas from Evil Grinch (B/R)
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LA ANGELS LEVEL UP
Hilarious Taiwanese adaptation of Albert Pujols' story is here. Let's just say it has Pujols shooting a pitcher in the chest from the batter's box. The rest makes even less sense.
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ROBERT GRIFFIN III OFFICIALLY NEW FAVORITE ATHLETE
Here is video showing RG3 rocking a very epic Superman pair of socks as well as an even deadlier pair of Elmos. This is where silly meets radical.
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WOWZERS
Elvis Akpla of the famed Montana State Bobcats makes a ridonculous reception against Sam Houston.
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BITS OF TID
Little bits of goodness with a chewy center.
NERD ALERT
It's good to be connected. It allows you to pull off great things that are illegal and subsequently get hype on Cincinnati.com. These things include skirting the blackout rule with a Slingbox and about 20 televisions. Genius.
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JUST TRY AND SLEEP NOW
Here are the quaint confines for those dumb enough to get out of hand at Euro 2012 in the Ukraine. It's not exactly a bed and breakfast.
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THAT'S GOTTA HURT
SI.com has one of the most sobering "Where are They Now?" columns as they catch up with the 1986 Cincinnati Bengals. Trust me, it's safer to be a fan watching at home.
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Until tomorrow, I can sing high
.jpg?w=480 "Colts Jaguars Football")
