How Tim Tebow Is Seen by the All-Knowing, Not Just Cowherd, Plummer and Limbaugh

Paul WardContributor IIIDecember 6, 2011

Do we hate him because we fear he's better than us?
Do we hate him because we fear he's better than us?Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

In case you missed the presser of the day, the angel of football operations, and flak for the All- Knowing, his Angelicalness, St. Walter Camp, was asked what His reaction had been to the Bronco victory over the Vikings, and how long this miracle would go on. 

“I’m not authorized to speak for the All-Knowing,” replied St. Walter, “but I can tell you He did see the whole game. 

“On the matter of how long this might go on, perhaps you could quote me to say, ‘as long as it needs to.’ Now that may sound ambiguous but I think those that know more about this would let me say that. That’s as accurate as I can be. 

“But here’s what I can say less obliquely: all these people, the likes of Colin Cowherd and Jim Rome, who thought that Tim was just a two-deep zone defense away from football oblivion were dead wrong. Perhaps the “clones”—is that what they’re called?—perhaps some of the clones may wish to pray on that.” 

That was the best of it. Somebody asked about whether Tebow is looking at a “glory cloud” when he looks up to heaven an evangelical mystery you can learn about on YouTube—but I don’t think St. Walter understood the question.

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The question that nobody asked was how does He feel about the way Rush Limbaugh is using Tebow to make political points against Occupiers, Nancy Pelosi and of course “the magic negro.” 

Here’s a condensed excerpt of Limbaugh’s take on Tebow today. See the rest on his site. And this is no kidding. 

"Why does even Tebow's own coaching staff and management offer so little public support" for the guy? Well, you and I all know the answer, here. "Jake Plummer, the latest to take pot shots at [Tebow], might have been speaking for anti-Tebowites everywhere when he said in an interview on a Phoenix radio station that he would like Tebow more if he would 'shut up' about his faith in Jesus Christ." 

"Just shut up about that and it's okay, Tim! And with that little comment, the cat, as they say, was out of the bag. Plummer said what the commentators wouldn't say. Their dislike for Tim Tebow is not, as they would have us believe, about his throwing motion or his completion percentage; it's all about his open professions of faith and his goody-two shoes image. When it comes right down to it, [American culture today doesn't] want heroes who are truly good."

"Instead, we wait for evidence that he really isn't that good. We hope to see him kick a player on the ground, drop an F-bomb on television, or Tweet pictures of his privates" like Anthony Weiner. In the meantime, we always have Penn State's Jerry Sandusky to make us feel better about ourselves...

"There is a psychology behind that, and the psychology is rooted in inferiority. We don't want anybody to be better than we are so that we don't have to deal with how bad we are. If everybody's a scumbag, then everybody can be a scumbag. But if there's somebody who's not a scumbag who does well, well, then maybe it's not okay to be a scumbag. It's the whole liberal thing about not wanting judgment out there. It's also about the fact he's highly visible on his love of Jesus Christ. That just makes 'em nervous, 'cause the people who don't believe in Jesus Christ are the ones who are bothered..."

Since when did Rush Limbaugh honor virtue or practice Christian values, much less try to internalize the teachings of Jesus Christ?  

But what is most insulting and ignorant and finally disgusting about el Rushbow’s puerile little rant is that he has no clue to the identity of the American hero. To begin, in this culture we separate church and state. And so Billy Sunday may have been popular in the Midwest in the 1920s but he was not our hero. Fr. Coughlin was popular during the same period, but certainly he was no hero. 

An American hero is the silent type, the savior-stranger who doesn’t proselytize.  He may be angry or sultry but he relishes independence, for himself and for those around him.   

In football, you think of Joe Montana. He looked up to heaven occasionally but he didn’t try and convert anybody.  Walter Payton looked up to heaven now and then but he didn’t lord it over you.  

And the fact is Walter Payton did more to advance American values, and by extension basic Christian values, than a thousand Tebows and an infinite number of Limbaughs. He was the show-not-tell hero who by his strength and grace, and unwillingness to give up, exemplified the American spirit as no other. 

Of course, there have been many others.  We each have our own. That’s why we so love football. 

So sure, Tebow’s a nice kid. And he’s can do the heroic. Good on him. But you’re not seriously going to sit there and tell me he’s a better role model than say, Drew Brees. Think of what that man has done for New Orleans, in every way. 

There’s one other point here. Yes, we do have a bad habit of tearing down our heroes, but less so athletes and actors. The heroes we’re can’t resist mocking are living politicians. Why? Because they do human things. The erroneous notion is that anybody can make a speech or start a war or tell NASA to go to Mars.  

Your San Francisco 49ers Helping Out. Fanfare not included
Your San Francisco 49ers Helping Out. Fanfare not includedJustin Sullivan/Getty Images

But who else can dramatize rising from the dead like anybody you follow every Sunday.

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Meanwhile back in FarmVille, one of the questions at the presser was what other miracles St. Walter would compare these Tebow wins to. “Just below feeding the multitude with three fish and a loaf of bread,” he quipped.  

"No seriously," he said, “I would say this is right up there with Yale’s win over Princeton in 1897. That was pretty spectacular. My alma mater, but still. Charles de Saulles, the quarterback, had three runs averaging about 60 yards each.  And remember he was only 5’8” and 151 pounds. You could say he was the Tebow of his day.  

“And of course we all feel horribly about his brother John, John de Saulles, who was shot to death by an ex-wife, an extremely wealthy Chilean woman. But of course that’s all old news.”


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