NFL's All-Time Fat Guy Team

Black Friday is upon us, a day in which Americans both begin to evaluate their Christmas shopping and their waist lines after the big eating taking place on Thanksgiving.

Speaking of bigger waistlines, when it comes to the NFL, there's plenty of weight to go around. With that in mind, it felt like the right time to organize a whole squad full of the heftiest players in NFL history.

They might have a fat chance of winning, but they'd definitely be fun to watch.

Here's the roster for the NFL's All-Time Fat Guy Team

Head Coach: Rex Ryan

A big team deserves a big coach, and few can take claim to this role quite like New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan.

Known best for his candor on the sidelines, Ryan has seen his weight become fodder for both opposing coaches and former Jets quarterback Joe Namath

Certainly Ryan would able to handle the (crushing) weight of the expectations with this team.

Assistant: Andy Reid, Philadelphia Eagles

Quarterback: JaMarcus Russell

He may be considered one of the biggest busts in NFL draft history, but Oakland Raiders quarterback Jamarcus Russell was also one of the biggest quarterbacks—period. 

In addition to being criticized for his poor decision making and inaccurate throws, Russell was also derided for his rapidly fluctuating weight while playing.

Now at somewhere around 280 pounds, he was the subject of a very interesting profile in Sports Illustrated about where he struggled in his career and his desire to keep playing the game.

Backup: Jared Lorenzen 

It wouldn't be a complete roster without the quarterback most fans called "The Pillsbury Throwboy."

Running Back: Jerome Bettis

Pittsburgh Steelers running back Jerome Bettis is a deserving member of this roster, tipping the scales at 252 pounds (at only 5 feet, 11 inches). Affectionately known as "The Bus," Bettis was praised for his ability to go for contact and to take advantage of his size. 

He also has the distinction of being on the cover of a Sports Illustrated magazine titled "Phat Backs."

Bettis, who retired in 2006, now works as a NFL commentator on NBC.

Fullback: Craig Heyward

Fullback Craig Heyward is an easy addition to this list. He struggled with weight for most of his career, bouncing from 250 pounds to as high as 340 pounds. 

For his dominating size and big head, Heyward was best known as "Ironhead." 

Heyward died in 2006 at the age of 39 after a long battle with bone cancer in his skull.

Tight End: Eric Green

A hefty 6 feet, 5 inches and 280 pounds, tight end Eric Green is definitely the right size to make the roster for this squad.

While he was a dominant figure with his size, he ran into trouble with drugs, and was suspended twice for testing positive for cocaine usage. 

He was also dropped from the Miami Dolphins roster after complaints from head coach Jimmy Johnson about his rapidly changing size.

Wide Receiver: Old Mike Williams

One of many ill-fated Matt Millen wide receiver draft picks, Mike Williams struggled with his weight for much of his early playing career. 

Playing one of the few positions on the field that really doesn't encourage adding too much bulk, Williams' weight was reported to be as high as 270 pounds

After taking a two year hiatus from football, Williams now appears to have his weight under control with the Seattle Seahawks. He's seen a complete career revival.

Offensive Line

While the offensive line is seemingly overwhelmed with overly hefty guys, Aaron Gibson, Max Jean-Gilles and Tony Mandarich would clearly have to find a way into this team's line.

Gibson, who last saw an NFL regular season roster in 2004, holds the record as the heaviest player in league history. At his peak, he weighed in at 410 pounds. Surprisingly, that was a drop from his high school weight of 440 pounds. 

Jean-Gilles has the unique distinction of being the first active player to undergo lapband surgery. He had ballooned to over 400 pounds while recovering from an ankle injury.

Mandarich, considered a draft bust, struggled with his weight after his career was over. This is after he already weighed 325 pounds. With a better diet and exercise, he was able to cut 60 pounds. 

Defensive Line

While the defensive line is another major point of extra girth, these three would have to play major roles within the All-Fat Team's defensive line.

When you're known as "The Refrigerator," it's almost a guarantee that you're going to make this roster. William Perry, who was best known for his time with the Chicago Bears, was a dominating presence on the team's defensive line. The 335-pound lineman was also known for his goal line touchdown during the Super Bowl.

Ted Washington was a larger than life figure in his playing years, weighing as much as 375 pounds. He also has a Facebook group in his honor, entitled "Ted Washington is the Biggest Man I've Ever Seen."

B.J. Raji, coming in at 337 pounds, is a (literally) huge part of the Green Bay Packers success. One of the largest defensive in the league right now, he has been particularly effective in defending against the run.

Linebacker: Karlos Dansby

Linebacker Karlos Dansby may not be the heaviest linebacker in the league, but he was in terrible shape entering camp this offseason. Entering at 271 pounds, he was 20 pounds over his listed weight.

While he entered poorly, he was able to get down the weight, losing about 25 pounds.

The Dolphins, entering the week on a three game win streak, lost to the Dallas Cowboys Thursday, 20-19. 

Safety: Roy Williams

There aren't too many options to go with at this position, but given his issues with staying in shape, the safety for this team will be Dallas Cowboys safety Roy Williams.

Coming in at 235 pounds, Williams was best known/infamous for his horse collar tackles (which the league would later outlaw), he also had issues with angering coaches with his ineffective off-season training.

He was given the nickname of biscuit, after then-head coach Bill Parcells said he was "one biscuit from being a linebacker." 

Cornerback: Brandon Browner

It's tough to assign a team member at cornerback, given that the position is dominated by smaller, faster players.

However, the starting role on this team has to go to Seattle Seahawks Brandon Browner. Weighing 221 pounds, he is around 20 pounds heavier than his fellow cornerbacks. 

The Seattle Seahawks have struggled mightily this season, and Browner's numbers have been less than stellar. So far, he only has one interception.

Punter: Sav Rocca

Washington Redskins punter Sav Rocca may have one of the more interesting backstories in the league, but he is also one of the bigger guys at his position. Hitting the scales at 265 pounds, he clearly can generate a little bit of momentum when he steps into a punt. So far this season, he's averaged a respectable 45.5 yards per kick.

Backup: Ryan Plackemeier

Plackemeier may be the only punter blamed for a missed kick due to having fat fingers. 

Kicker: Tom Dempsey

A big man with a big leg, kicker Tom Dempsey knew how to put some extra zip on a ball, as shown in this attached video. Dempsey, along with Jason Elam and Sebastian Janikowski hold the record for longest kick in NFL history, each completing 63-yard blasts.

Backup: Sebastian Janikowski