JWBS Presents: The Annual Bowl Picks Extravaganzpalooza Spectacularrrr

“He was yelling at me about coffee-flavored coffee, whatever that is, and then he called me a haiku-writing motherf****r. I’m glad he’s dead, I really am...”

Now for the fifth year, it’s time for my heralded bowl picks edition of the Justin's Weekly BS. Well, heralded mostly by myself and few others. For the third year in a row my wife will pick against me. I’m 1-1 against her as I’ll be trying to avenge my one-game loss to her last season.

I’ve decided to switch it up this year and write my picks in Haiku form (with reverence to all other B/R writers who’ve used Haiku in the past, like Eric Brown, Jason Siffring, Bart Winkler, and others). My wife’s picks will probably be just as hard to understand. Even though I pick a score, we pick straight up winners, no spread here.

I’d also like to point out that my wife is an extremely intelligent woman; however, football and geography are not her things. There’s a lot of games, so let’s do this...

Wife says:

Before I pick, I want to mention my continued disdain for all the corporate sponsoring taking away from the names of the bowls in recent years. Also with being a new mommy, lack of sleep, and lack of interaction with other adults, I’m working with about half a brain right now. So I apologize in advance if my picks aren’t as clever or comical as they have been in the past years.

EagleBank Bowl

Navy vs. Wake Forest

Why should I care when

These two teams already met

Déjà vu result

Navy 20-17

Wife says: Wake Forest

“Eagles live in the forest. The Wake Forest. That one was easy.”

(Give it some time, you’ll figure out how she gets there.)

New Mexico Bowl

Colorado State vs. Fresno State

Rams dig the smash mouth

Fresno has trouble with rush

Might be an upset

Colorado State 17-14

Wife says: Fresno State

“Fresno sort of sounds like Fresca. I love that drink!”

Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl

BYU vs. Arizona

Mormons in Vegas

That’s like Baptists in N’awlins

More drinks for us, yea!!!

BYU 33-16

Wife says: BYU

“What’s Pioneer? Pioneer the biscuit mix??? I made the point about Mormons in Vegas last year—you’re just copying me now.”

magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl

South Florida vs. Memphis

I picked Bulls last bowl

Dixon-less Ducks beat them down

I gamble again

USF 31-17

Wife says: Memphis

“Magic Jack sounds like an old blues singer from Memphis.”

R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl

Troy vs. Southern Miss

Pat O’s Hurricanes

The red drink is better than

This matchup will be

Troy 41-10

Wife says: Troy

“First of all, really? How long has this been a bowl? I’m picking Troy because I was looking at Southern Miss when I was looking at colleges, and I was ready to turn around as soon as we drove up.”

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl

TCU vs. Boise State

If you love high scores

In your wheelhouse this won’t be

You like defense much?

TCU 13-12

Wife says: “There should be a limit on how many words you can use in a bowl title. San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl? Seriously? I’m picking TCU because they have the least amount of letters."

(I didn’t tell her that BSU is often the abbreviation for Boise and that Texas Christian University has more letters than Boise State.)

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl

Notre Dame vs. Hawaii

Weis gets one more year

To right the ship can be tough

This game won’t help much

Hawaii 19-16

Wife says: Notre Dame

“My friend Stacey went to Notre Dame. She seems to like them.”

Motor City Bowl

Florida Atlantic vs. Central Michigan

Touchdowns in Detroit

Central Michigan gets more

Boo Schnellenberger!!!

Central Michigan 52-21

Wife says: Central Michigan

“They’re playing at home, right? They have to win.”

Champs Sports Bowl

Florida State vs. Wisconsin

Wisconsin can’t run

The Seminoles’ D stands proud

They tomahawk chop

FSU 23-13

Wife says: Wisconsin

“Who doesn’t like cheese?”

Emerald Bowl

Miami vs. California

Cal wins a squeaker

This is the only day I see

Emerald Nuts ads

Cal 27-26

Wife says: Miami

“Miami kind of reminds me of bling. Emeralds would be great on an Irish rapper. Too bad there aren’t any.”

(It’s the Emerald Bowl—that’s how she got there. Yeah...I know.)

Meineke Car Care Bowl

North Carolina vs. West Virginia

Heels keep on sliding

West Virginia wins the day

White’s a ‘Neer legend

WVU 24-17

Wife says: West Virginia

“Since it’s a Car Care Bowl, I’d be willing to bet there are more broken down cars in West Virginia.”

(But it’d be close.)

PapaJohn’s.com Bowl

Rutgers vs. NC State

Two teams with a hot streak

O’Brien’s solid in bowls

Wolfpack wins thriller.

NCST 27-24

Wife says: Rutgers

“Why can’t it just be the Papa John’s Bowl? What’s with the dot com? That’s stupid. ‘Rutgers’ is a fun word.”

Independence Bowl

Louisiana Tech vs. Northern Illinois

Bulldogs play near home

It’s time for a quiz, tell me

Where these two schools are

La. Tech 35-28

Wife says: Louisiana Tech

“My Goddaughter goes to La. Tech! This is a no brainer.”

Alamo Bowl

Northwestern vs. Missouri

“Daniel has fupa”

That sign still makes me chuckle

Chase gets the last laugh

Mizzou 41-21

Wife says: Missouri

“They call themselves Mizzou? That’s funny—I’m picking them.”

Texas Bowl

Western Michigan vs. Rice

Owls have big offense

Broncos are no slouch either

Pssssssst, take the over

Rice 45-42

Wife says: Rice

“I think LSU used to play Rice when I was a kid. I remember going to that game. Whatever happened to them?”

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl

Oklahoma State vs. Oregon

I’m pretty upset

Gundy gave no speech this year

Don’t downgrade the Pokes

Oklahoma State 28-21

Wife says: Oregon

“I’ve always wanted to visit someplace on the Pacific coast. Is that where Eugene is?”

Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl

Maryland vs. Nevada

Yo look everyone!

A blue field is a strange sight

Hey, what else is on?

Maryland 16-9

Wife says: Maryland

“If you lived in a place filled with Humanitarians, you’d be in a Merry land.”

(Isn’t she just adorable?)

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl

Air Force vs. Houston

Air Force likes the ground

Irony’s not just in books

But in football too

Houston 35-34

Wife says: Air Force

“Houston is not a division in the U.S. Armed Forces last time I checked, so Air Force.”

Sun Bowl

Pitt vs. Oregon State

Two exciting guys

Jacquizz and LeSean McCoy

Make this game worth it

Pitt 21-20

Wife says: Pitt

“It’s the Pitts having to choose between these two. That’s all I got.”

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl

Boston College vs. Vanderbilt

Fish out of water

Cat in a doghouse, just like

Vandy in a bowl

Vandy 17-16

Wife says: Vanderbilt

“Ha ha ha ha, you said ‘Gaylord’...again. I think that was my joke last year. I’m picking Vandy because LSU plays them every now and then.”

Chick-fil-A Bowl

Georgia Tech vs. LSU

Once bread and butter

Tigers' defense has gone soft

Tech’s option runs wild

GT 35-24

Wife says: LSU

“If bowls were rated by the food that represents them, this would be my second favorite bowl (her favorite being Outback). I pick the Tigers of course!!!!”

Insight Bowl

Minnesota vs. Kansas

Gophers started great

Mangino was once tiny

Oh my how times change

Kansas 38-13

Wife says: Minnesota

“Minn-e-sohhh-tahh!!! Is that where they filmed that movie Fargo? If not they all probably talk the same.”

(Geography, once again this year, not her strong suit.)

Outback Bowl

Iowa vs. South Carolina

He with the visor

Once great, the bane of his life

Is interceptions

South Carolina 23-20

Wife says: South Carolina

“South Cackalacky!!! Justin says that all the time. He never says Carolina. It’s almost not funny anymore. This is the food bowl National Championship!”

Konica Minolta Gator Bowl

Clemson vs. Nebraska

(I had two for this one that I couldn’t decide on...)

It’s orange and red

There is no escape from them

My eyes hurt, I cry

OR

Dabo takes control

You can’t spell “bowl” without “Bo”

Both coaches have that

Nebraska 24-20

Wife says: Clemson

“Are they the other Tigers or the other other Tigers? Which one is Auburn? Why is Auburn not in a bowl?”

Capital One Bowl

Michigan State vs. Georgia

Spartans have Ringer

Moreno completes the duel

Hunker down you Dawgs

UGA 35-24

Wife says: Georgia

“I liked that place when we went to that game that time (she’s talking about Athens). Also I’m a big fan of their colors. If I could choose my school colors, I’d choose Black and Red—that way I’d never have to shop for something to wear to a game.”

AutoZone Liberty Bowl

East Carolina vs. Kentucky

Pirates win again?

Maybe, but bets are off if

Kentucky’s healthy

Kentucky 17-10

Wife says: Kentucky

“I’m pretty sure there’s no East Carolina, just North and South. You can’t just make up names for states.”

AT&T Cotton Bowl

Texas Tech vs. Ole Miss

Speaking of Pirates

Is Mike Leach looking to leave?

Could affect outcome

Ole Miss 35-34

Wife says: Ole Miss

“I think Mississippi is known more for their cotton than Texas, so I’ll pick them. Is that racist? Is it racist to ask the question? I’m going to stop talking now.”

International Bowl

Buffalo vs. UConn

Turner Gill can coach

Buffalo’s outmanned up north

Huskies steal thunder

UConn 14-10

Wife says: Buffalo

“Buff-a-lo......Ta-tank-a.”

(Awesome, she uses an inside joke only like three people know. My wife went to a Catholic high school. It has to do with her and a friend cracking up laughing while quoting lines from Dances with Wolves at each other from across the church while making buffalo horns with their fingers. She got kicked out of church that day. Still, I married her despite her checkered past.)

GMAC Bowl

Tulsa vs. Ball State

Oh what’s that I smell?

Stadium on fire, no

Scoreboard is smoking

Tulsa 45-41

Wife says: Ball State

“Ball St.? (giggles immaturely) Ball State? It would be weird telling people I went to a place called Ball State. That’s funny.”

Rose Bowl presented by Citi

USC vs. Penn State

Joe Pa’s immortal

But Trojans are tough to beat

In the “Granddaddy”

USC 27-20

Wife says: USC

“Does anyone ever play in this bowl except USC? They play in it every year and they always win.”

FedEx Orange Bowl

Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech

Hokie Hokie Hi

But Bearcats historic rise

To the OB is sweet

Cincy 22-20

Wife says: Cincinnati

Her: Doesn’t Cincinnati have the mascot with the big orange?

Me: No.

Her: They don’t have like a big round mascot that’s like red or orange??

Me: No, Cincinnati is red...and black. The city also has the Reds in baseball.

Her: Does their mascot look like an Orange?

Me: No, I think it looks like a baseball.

Her: Who’s the team with the big Orange?

Me: Syracuse. His name is Otto.

Her: Oh...well Syracuse sounds closer to Cincinnati, so I’ll stay with them.

(What!!??)

Allstate Sugar Bowl

Alabama vs. Utah

Utes have a small chance

To justify mid-majors

No sir, roll Tide roll

Alabama 27-10

Wife says: Utah

“Utah has the Jazz. They used to be in New Orleans. Now we have the Hornets. I still like the name Jazz, so I’ll vote for Utah.”

(Yes, she said “vote”)

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl

Texas vs. Ohio State

Longhorns need this game

To prove everybody wrong

Loss nullifies gripe

Texas 28-23

Wife says: Texas

“Does the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl come with a side of queso bowl? There should be a queso bowl. It would jump past the Chick-fil-A Bowl on my food bowl rankings.”

FedEx BCS National Championship

Oklahoma vs. Florida

The big game is here

It’s Boomer versus Chomp Chomp

Heisman v Heisman

Florida 38-34

Wife says: “Oklahoma has a song and a musical named after them. I’m picking them.”

(That was rather anti-climactic.)

Well, there you have it. I’ll try to keep the race updated in some kind of way, maybe on my profile. Thanks so much for reading. If you made it this far you may need to rest—make sure you drink plenty of fluids, maybe something with electrolytes.

From my family to yours, Happy Holidays to everyone!!!