Tom Brady and 5 NFL Players Who Are Awful at Acting Angry

Football is a game of intimidation, a sport full of hard-hitting crazy men out for each others' blood in the pursuit of an oblong ball and the points that can be scored with it. And intimidation takes many forms, from the physical to the mental, as players try to wear their opponents down by being the tougher man.

Anger is also part of the game, whether it's anger at oneself for making a mistake, at a teammate for the very same reason, at an official for a poor call or at a coach for bad strategy. Being convincingly intimidating and openly angry is a sign of strength on the gridiron, and it's clearly not something that can be taught.

Ask New England Patriots defensive lineman Vince Wilfork, who said on The Dan Patrick Show that his quarterback, Tom Brady, just doesn't have what it takes to intimidate his teammates when their on-field play angers him.

Brady leads the list of five players who, despite their best efforts, just don't seem to have that anger thing down.

QB Tom Brady, New England Patriots

And why would Vince Wilfork not find an angry Tom Brady intimidating? Apparently because Brady's inflection switches from normal to falsetto when angry, making his teammates take pause—to laugh.

Wilfork said that Brady has a "high-pitched voice when he yells" that is "quite amusing." The handsome quarterback known just as much for having a supermodel wife and interesting choices in hairstyle, as well as for his play on the field, has never come off as particularly intimidating, to be sure.

Brady doesn't throw like a small child, but when angry, he sounds like one. That may be disturbing and hilarious, certainly, but there's nothing scary about it.

QB Eli Manning, New York Giants

Quarterbacks in general aren't intimidating fellows, but when the quarterback looks like everyone's little brother, it's hard to imagine his anger getting the desired result.

The New York Giants' Eli Manning comes off more as a child having a temper tantrum when angry than a legitimately scary guy vowing that heads will roll.

In contrast with his older brother, Peyton, who truly looks as though the wrath of the gods will fall upon whoever he is targeting with his rage, Eli looks like a frustrated muppet with a tummy ache crossed with a bit of Butters from "South Park."

WR Hines Ward, Pittsburgh Steelers

Though Hines Ward has consistently been voted one of the NFL's dirtiest players by his peers in the league, it might have been done so ironically.

Ward is always smiling. And not scary-smiling either, like a madman with a mad plan in mind for any defender foolish to cross his path. No, this is a full-on beaming smile.

Ward catches a pass? Smile. Ward drops a pass? Smile. Ward scores a touchdown? Smile. Ward gets a bone-jarring hit? Smile. A little more "grrr" and a bit less "glee" would go a long way for Ward's intimidation factor.

QB Tim Tebow, Denver Broncos

A peacemaker. A leader of men. An inspiration. A quarterback woefully unprepared for the professional stage. All of these things and more have been said of Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, but no one has ever mistook him for an enraged bruiser on the football field.

Tebow goes out of his way to stop his teammates from getting into physical fights with their opponents, which is rather ironic considering what those very same men do from whistle to whistle.

When the game is seemingly lost, he doesn't scream at the receiver who dropped his pass or at the coach who called a busted play. Instead, he silently prays, subsuming his own anger while the sounds of angels' harps encircle him.

The only thing scary about Tebow are the wobbly passes that he chucks down the field, and little more.

K Sebastian Janikowski, Oakland Raiders

Raiders kicker Sebastian Janikowski is terrible at acting angry. He's terrible at showing any emotions. Whether he makes a 63-yarder, misses a 33-yarder or sprains a hamstring, he's got the same emotionless poker face game in and game out.

I'm not sure if he even speaks, unable to communicate what must be myriad deep feelings about his team and his role on it, stifling his human responses in an attempt to become the world's first and most efficient cyborg kicking machine.

It's as if the late Al Davis told him that when a kicker is drafted in the first round, it's not for his ability to think, feel or emote, it's simply to kick. Kick made, hands up, the end. Existence and kicking—Janikowski knows nothing more.