The 50 Dumbest Quotes in Sports

Zack Pumerantz@z_pumerantzAnalyst IIINovember 16, 2011

The 50 Dumbest Quotes in Sports

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    While many iconic figures in sports have presented fans with the most inspirational, motivational and tear-jerking quotes, there are those who have had the right idea but failed to produce.

    From angered coaches in the heat of the moment to pretentious superstars who fumble their vocabulary, these individuals have left a comical mark that can never be forgotten.

    These baffling statements continue to entertain eager fans.

    Here are the dumbest quotes in sports.


50. Milwaukee Bucks Power Forward Drew Gooden

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    "I've had to overcome a lot of diversity."

    The only adversity power forward Drew Gooden has likely had to deal with involved questions regarding his solid, yet unspectacular 11.9 points per game average after being the fourth overall pick of the 2002 draft.

49. Australian Golfer Greg Norman

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    “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”

    Apparently they do things a bit differently down under.

48. Six-Time Pro Bowl Wide Receiver Chad Ochocinco

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    "I'm traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop 85."

    Chad Ochocinco continues to search for that last state.

47. Hall of Fame Wide Receiver Jerry Rice

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    "I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that."

    Jerry Rice evidently failed at his attempt to be humble.

46. Hall of Fame Tight End Shannon Sharpe

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    "Ray Lewis is the type of guy, if he were in a fight with a bear I wouldn't help him, I'd pour honey on him because he likes to fight. That's the type of guy Ray Lewis is."

    This is undeniably a compliment coming from this Hall of Famer.

45. Philadelphia 76ers Head Coach Doug Collins

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    “Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.”

    "Almost" being the key word.

44. Former Relief Pitcher Tug McGraw

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    "I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf." 

    Known for striking out the Kansas City Royals' Willie Wilson with the final out in the 1980 World Series to give the Philadelphia Phillies their first world championship, Tug McGraw presents us with one of the most unique answers ever after being asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf. 

43. Seven-Time All-Star Tracy McGrady

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    "My career was sputtering until I did a 360 and got headed in the right direction."

    After signing with the Orlando Magic in 2000, T-Mac clearly didn't regret missing multiple math classes.

42. Hall of Fame Outfielder Reggie Jackson

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    "The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't watch myself play."

    At least the Hall of Fame slugger was honest.

41. Six-Time NBA Champion Scottie Pippen

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    "He's one of the best power forwards of all-time (sic). I take my hands off to him." (on Tim Duncan)

    Considering NBA players don't wear helmets or hats, we'll give seven-time All-Star Scottie Pippen a pass on this one.

40. Former Devil Rays General Manager Chuck Lamar

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    "The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at the major league level."

    At least he knew what they were missing. 

39. Five-Time NBA Champion Dennis Rodman

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    "Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."

    This might actually be one of the smartest statements ever out of the mouth of this Hall of Famer.

38. Bronx Zoo's Speedy Leadoff Hitter Mickey Rivers

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    "Me, Billy (Martin) and George (Steinbrenner) are two of a kind" (on his relationship with Yankees management)

    Considering Rivers and Martin weighed only 165 pounds each, this statement actually makes sense.

37. 1981 World Series MVP Pedro Guerrero

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    "Sometimes they write what I say, not what I mean."

    They've lost their ability to read minds.

36. Former NBA Center Chuck Nevitt

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    “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”

    Clearly former center Chuck Nevitt's 7'5" stature confused him more than his opponents.

35. Two-Time NBA MVP Karl Malone

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    “I ain't gonna be no escape-goat!"

    But you can still be a scapegoat, right?

34. Tampa Bay Buccaneers Tight End Kellen Winslow II

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    “I’m a !@%&ing soldier!”

    That's clearly better than a soldier.

33. Former MLB Catcher and Current Sportscaster Tim McCarver

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    "Yankee pitchers have had great success this year against Cabrera when they get him out."

    For a sportscaster and former catcher, Tim McCarver's analysis surprisingly fails.

32. Former First Baseman John Kruk

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    "I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player."

    His stocky stature seemingly agreed.

31. Former Texas A&M Head Coach Shelby Metcalf

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    “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.” (what he told a player who received four F's and a D)

    As the coach of the Aggies basketball team for 27 seasons, Shelby Metcalf must have given plenty of pep talks, but none more inspiring than this.

30. Six-Time Pro Bowl Wide Receiver Terrell Owens

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    "Don't say I don't get along with my teammates. I just don't get along with some of the guys on the team."

    Those are certainly different than teammates.

29. Former University of Houston Wide Receiver Torrin Polk

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    "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

    It's only complete with mascara and heels as well. 

28. Seven-Time Pro Bowl Wide Receiver Randy Moss

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    "When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey."

    Brilliant financial advice.

27. Dutch Football Manager and Former Football Player Ruud Gullit

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    "We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us."

    He was evidently known more for his on-field prowess than his math skills.

26. 10-Time NBA All-Star Jason Kidd

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    "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." (about the Mavs after he was drafted)

    He may not have reached 360, but 180 degrees certainly suffices.

25. Ohio's Mr. Football 2001 Maurice Clarett

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    "It's a humbling thing being humble."(after finding out his draft stock had dropped)

    It doesn't seem to be working.

24. 2006 NBA Champion Antoine Walker

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    "Because there are no fours." (when asked why he shoots so many three-pointers)

    It might be time for some scoring changes.

23. NASCAR Driver Kurt Busch

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    "My wiener has never been so exhausted." (after beating three other drivers to win the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile race at Lowe's Motor Speedway)

    As if your name wasn't comical enough.

22. English Former Soccer Player and Manager Ron Atkinson

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    "Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."

    Thanks for clearing everything up.

21. Former Five-Time All-Star Second Baseman Lou Whitaker

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    "I'm rich. What am I supposed to do, hide it?" (after taking a stretch limo to a players' union meeting during the 1994 baseball strike)

    That's a cogent point.

20. Former Boston Red Sox Outfielder Mike Greenwell

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    "I'm just a four-wheel-drive pickup kind of guy, and so's my wife." 

    We don't doubt that for a second.

19. Former Backup Shortstop and Announcer Darrel Chaney

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    "Raise the urinals." (on how the team's brass can keep the Braves on their toes)

    The lines would certainly be shorter.

18. Hall of Fame Catcher Yogi Berra

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    "Surprise me." (when asked by his wife where he wanted to be buried)

    With his long list of iconic, yet baffling quotes, this compilation couldn't possibly be complete without the former Yankees catcher.

17. Former MLB Outfielder Jim Wohlford

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    "Ninety percent of the game is half mental."

    That's quite profound.

16. 2004 NBA Defensive Player of the Year Metta World Peace

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    "Having a record company and putting out my own CD. There's clothes and shoes. There's also an upcoming book deal that I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be positive. I'm a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize."

    At least the man formerly known as Ron Artest is trying to be peaceful.

15. 14-Time All-Star Third Baseman Alex Rodriguez

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    "Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic."

    Apparently staring at yourself in the mirror can be quite therapeutic as well.

14. Boxing Promoter Don King

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    "He's the Man of the Hour, at this particular moment."

    With hair like his, Don King can make as little sense as he pleases.

13. Former LT Victim Joe Theismann

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    “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

    Clearly Joe Theismann is not the exception.

12. 1988 AL MVP Jose Canseco

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    "Every time that I have ever tried to help a woman out, I have been incarcerated."

    Must be a coincidence.

11. 1980 Heisman Trophy-Winning Running Back George Rogers

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    "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

    Luckily, his 1,781 yards in 1980 secured him both.

10. Former Indianapolis Colts Head Coach Ron Meyer

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    "It's not like we came down from Mount Sinai with the tabloids." (on whether his staff could lead the Colts to the promised land)

    Could've fooled us.

9. Chicago Cubs Hall of Fame Outfielder Andre Dawson

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    "I want all the kids to copulate me." (on the need to be a role model)

    Let's try that again.

8. Four-Time NBA Champion Shaquille O'Neal

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    “I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs we went to.” (in reference to being asked whether he'd been to the Parthenon while in Greece)

    A moment in the life of Shaq.

7. Former Pittsburgh Steelers Head Coach Bill Cowher

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    "We're not attempting to circumcise rules."

    Former Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Bill Cowher eliminates the ubiquitous fears.

6. Boxing Trainer Lou Duva

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    "You can sum up this sport in two words, you never know."

    The "you" is clearly silent.

5. Former Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World Mike Tyson

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    "Fade into Bolivian, I guess." (his response to what he'd do after retiring from boxing)

    Apparently Bolivia is nice this time of year.

4. Career Stolen-Base Leader Rickey Henderson

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    "Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there." (in response to the suggestion that 50 percent of MLB players use steroids)

    There's no way that adds up.

3. Former NBA Power Forward Charles Shackleford

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    “I can go right, I can go left, I’m amphibious.”

    Perhaps if he was ambidextrous instead, he would've averaged more than 5.4 points per game. 

2. Three-Time Gold Glove Outfielder Mike Cameron

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    "The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.”

    Most recently with the Florida Marlins, outfielder Mike Cameron may have three Gold Glove Awards, but his history needs a bit of work.

1. 2005 World Series Champion Outfielder Carl Everett

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    "God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve, The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex."

    It's comments like this that explain why former outfielder Carl Everett played for nine teams during his career.

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