NFL Power Rankings: Top 10 Spookiest Teams in the NFL

I know what you're thinking. Halloween is over and done with, and the next one is 365 days away. Isn't it time to move on?

Yes, yes and yes. However, I'm going to hazard a guess and say that you're probably munching on some leftover Halloween candy right now, most likely a box of Milk Duds or some other candy that the kids always neglect. Therefore, Halloween is still somewhat alive.

What isn't alive is the first half of the NFL season. It's gone now, and it's time to take a good look at the landscape of the league.

In keeping with the still-very-much-alive spirit of Halloween, I figure there's only one way to do this.

[Holds flashlight underneath chin and illuminates face] By counting down the 10 spookiest teams in the NFL and by pairing them with their horror movie equivalents!

[Evil laugh]

Miami Dolphins (No. 31 overall)

We all knew coming into this season that the Dolphins weren't going to be anything special. Nevertheless, I don't think any of us expected the Dolphins to be bad enough to be winless after seven games.

The Dolphins have shown signs of life here and there, but they are essentially a dead team walking. They're going to keep showing up each and every week, but only because they must show up. It's basically nothing more than an instinct.

Horror movie equivalent: Dawn of the Dead (1978 version)

You know what, the Dolphins would probably be pretty good if they had Ken Foree under center. Just a guess.

St. Louis Rams (No. 30 overall)

The Rams are a team that was supposed to be good this season, perhaps even good enough to win the NFC West.

Instead, all hell has broken loose. The Rams lost each of their first six games, and looked bad doing so.

But credit where credit is due, the Rams did show some energy in their first win of the season over the New Orleans Saints. It appears they have some spunk after all.

Horror movie equivalent: Dawn of the Dead (2004 version)

It's like the other Dawn of the Dead, except with an energy drink high and less social commentary.

Arizona Cardinals (No. 28 overall)

Something funny has happened to the Arizona Cardinals this season. The coming of Kevin Kolb was supposed to be a good thing, as surely he would be the quarterback to save the team from the quarterback hell they went through in 2010.

Instead, things may actually be worse. It's almost as if Kolb's arrival has sucked the life out of the entire team, and things only seem to be getting worse as more and more time passes. What were supposed to be happy days have turned into a nightmare.

Horror movie equivalent: Salem's Lot

Get it? Because Kolb is Kurt Barlow. Or something...

Seattle Seahawks (No. 26 overall)

The Seahawks are a lot like the Cardinals, except the key difference is that we knew Tarvaris Jackson wasn't going to make them any better. It's like the Seahawks wanted to be terrible this season.

Make no mistake about it, the Seahawks are responsible for their own doom. And as they get deeper and deeper into the season, the worse it's going to get.

Horror movie equivalent: Deliverance

There was nothing unusual about the Seahawks until they decided to destroy their weekends by not bringing in a capable quarterback. They should have played golf instead.

Cleveland Browns (No. 23 overall)

Halfway through the season, it is my opinion that the Browns are without a doubt the most uninspiring team in the NFL. They're not good at anything, really, and it's more or less impossible to get excited about them.

The problem, I think, is that the Browns have no discernible character. Nor do they have an discernible purpose in life. They're just kind of here, and they're just kind of a nuisance.

Horror movie equivalent: The Blob

Prepare to be eaten by the Browns.

Hehe...that sentence is funny.

Tennessee Titans (No. 20 overall)

The Titans are a team that is impossible to predict. They looked really good at the start of the season, and now they're looking just OK.

The Titans' biggest problem is one of identity. They started off as Matt Hasselbeck's team, and now he's all but fallen off the radar. In the meantime, Chris Johnson may or may not be on the verge of losing his starting gig to Javon Ringer. Waiting in the wings somewhere is rookie quarterback Jake Locker.

Seriously, what is this... thing?

Horror movie equivalent: The Thing

All the Titans need is somebody with MacReady's beard. And his super-awesome hat.

San Diego Chargers (No. 19 overall)

The 2011 Chargers are just like the other Chargers teams under Norv Turner. They're not as good as they should be, and they lose too many games that they should win.

As those who watched Monday night's game can vouch, watching the Chargers is like watching a comedy of errors. It never fails, and it never really gets old, either.

Horror movie equivalent: Army of Darkness

So good, yet so bad...and with slightly less boomstick.

New York Jets (No. 13 overall)

It looked for a while there like the Jets were going to fade into obscurity, but they got back to looking like the Jets in their last two games.

The way things are currently situated in the AFC East, the Jets probably aren't going to make the playoffs. Nonetheless, they are going to demand your attention on a weekly basis, and they're probably going to keep insisting that they are as good as they've ever been.

Horror movie equivalent: Jaws 4

Seriously, we've had enough already. Just go away.

Cincinnati Bengals (No. 12 overall)

The Cincinnati Bengals are a team with some good young talent, but they weren't supposed to be much of a factor in the AFC North this year.

But at 5-2, it's clear that there is something strange going on with this team. Though they may be young, they hold a considerable power within them, and it has the other teams in the division feeling awfully scared.

Horror movie equivalent: The Omen

So then, who wants to hang themselves for the Bengals' sake?  

Atlanta Falcons (No. 11 overall)

Early on in the season, the Falcons were really dull and practically unwatchable.

Now things are starting to get interesting. The Falcons went into their Week 8 bye on a two-game win streak, and they are starting to resemble the team that went 13-3 last season.

So you see, the Falcons are getting good. They just needed a really long, really sucky buildup.

Horror movie equivalent: The Shining

Seriously, the first three hours of this movie are unbearable.

Zachary D. Rymer's Week 9 Power Rankings

Rank	Team	Record
1	Green Bay Packers	7-0
2	San Francisco 49ers	6-1
3	Pittsburgh Steelers	6-2
4	New England Patriots	5-2
5	Buffalo Bills	5-2
6	Detroit Lions	6-2
7	New York Giants	5-2
8	New Orleans Saints	5-3
9	Baltimore Ravens	5-2
10	Houston Texans	5-3
11	Atlanta Falcons	4-3
12	Cincinnati Bengals	5-2
13	New York Jets	4-3
14	Kansas City Chiefs	4-3
15	Chicago Bears	4-3
16	Oakland Raiders	4-3
17	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	4-3
18	Philadelphia Eagles	3-4
19	San Diego Chargers	4-3
20	Tennessee Titans	4-3
21	Dallas Cowboys	3-4
22	Washington Redskins	3-4
23	Cleveland Browns	3-4
24	Minnesota Vikings	2-6
25	Carolina Panthers	2-6
26	Seattle Seahawks	2-5
27	Jacksonville Jaguars	2-6
28	Arizona Cardinals	1-6
29	Denver Broncos	2-5
30	St. Louis Rams	1-6
31	Miami Dolphins	0-7
32	Indianapolis Colts	0-8