Kim Kardashian Divorce: Timeline of Hookup, Wedding, Split with Kris Humphries

Now, I know what you are thinking: But Tim, how could you possibly summarize their relationship into a quick and snappy timeline? Oh, that's right, they were only married for 72 days. Proceed.

Hey now—let's not forget about the six months or so they were dating.

Let's take a look back at the glorious, yet tragically short-lived, relationship of the couple America never really loved, but heard a whole lot about.

December 2010

Ah, a blossoming love. In December of last year, the pair that would later come to be known (by me) as Humpdashian began to date.

Who could have expected the whirlwind romance that would shortly follow? Well, other than the Kardashian publicists?

January 2011

Kim meets Kris' family!

And things went well, according to sources close to the situation! From E!:

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"Kris' family like Kim," a source tells E! "They think she is really nice, considerate and pretty."

Humphries' rep confirms Kim met his parents, telling E!: "Yes, they met and it was a wonderful meeting."

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And this was news. Seriously, everything this woman does is newsworthy. Expect a headline like this tomorrow:

"Sources Say Kim Kardashian Brushes Teeth Day After Divorce."

It's not a stretch.

March 2011

The above tweet sent Kim Kardashian's fans, the world's leaders, and possibly even diplomats from yet-discovered planets into a tizzy.

It would turn out that a certain somebody had just been playing a little joke on Kardashian's fans (and all other life forms):

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Hump was playing on my phone. I will get him back!

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Little did we know just how prophetic both of those tweets would be.

May 2011

First off, hot photos surface of the couple's vacation in Mexico. That isn't really a big moment in their relationship, but it was awesome news for anyone interested in hot photos of Kardashian.

Oh, and Kris proposed in May as well, along with slipping on Miss Kardashian's finger an absurdly giant rock:

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Another thing she couldn't have expected: the size of that rock. Humphries' question was eased along by the offering of a custom-designed 20.5-carat Lorraine Schwartz diamond engagement ring.

Yes, you read that right: 20.5 carats. Just so you know what kind of bauble we're dealing with here, it surpasses that of even a duchess, as Kate Middleton's massive sapphire engagement ring from Prince William is a relatively paltry 18 carats.

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Sheesh.

Photo from Daily Mail

August 2011

They get married! Wedding bells across American towns were heard! Small businesses shut down to celebrate Humpdashian day! Parties were held globally as joyful citizens of the world danced in the street!

And the Kardashians made a ludicrous amount of money for the occasion. From the Los Angeles Times (via the New York Post):

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Here is a breakdown by the New York Post of Kardashian's estimated $17.9-million profit:

-- Two-part TV special: $15 million.
-- Sale of wedding photos to People: $2.5 million.
-- Sale of rights to engagement announcement to People: $300,000.
-- Sale of rights of bridal-shower photos to OK!: $100,000.
-- Paid to have the bachelorette party at Tao Las Vegas : $50,000.

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And then for the honeymoon—Kim and Kris went small, enjoying a "last-minute, ultra-private honeymoon on Italy's Amalfi Coast," which of course is a measly "$3,300-per-night suite."

Also included in the above link is a hilarious video of the couple, where they appear to be making out, though neither seems to be having a great time doing so. Love works in mysterious ways.

October 2011

And just like that, a promising and beautiful young relationship hit the rocks.

It didn't start that way, of course. In early October, the wedding aired. A week later, Kim was seen riding a camel, which isn't all that newsworthy, but was pretty hilarious nonetheless, seeing as she did so wearing stilettos.

But then the rumors started leaking: Kim was hiring a divorce lawyer. Kim was too busy to be bothered with Kris, who was partying it up with the ladies while Kim was gone. Kris was seen moving out of the couple's hotel with boxes, though they would claim they were only moving those boxes for their move back to LA.

And then the divorce finally went down. And a nation mourned.

I will end this slideshow in the only way I know how—by dedicating an Air Supply song to this relationship.

Goodbye, Humpdashian. We hardly knew ye.

Photo from Daily Mail