What If Every NFL Team Was a Famous Actress?

What if every team in the NFL were a famous or infamous actress? Would your team be the glamorous movie star type? The "girl next door"? Or the washed-up Hollywood has-been?

Well, here's your chance to find out! Here, in no particular order, are the teams of the NFL and their probable female counterparts.

New York Jets

Susan Sarandon. Talks a lot, but the long-ago Oscar winner and perpetual nominee doesn’t really win anything anymore.

Detroit Lions

Blake Lively. Hot, young and emerging.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Raquel Welch. Looked hot in the '70s, and despite being old, still looks pretty hot today.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Jessica Lange. Used to be hot and won it all during one really good year. Then, basically disappeared.

Minnesota Vikings

Natalie Wood. Today.

Philadelphia Eagles

RuPaul. From a distance, it’s a stunning, statuesque blonde. Then you get a real close look.

Arizona Cardinals

Elisabeth Shue. Became elite for a brief period, then disappeared. Haven't been heard from in quite some time.

Washington Redskins

Kim Kardashian (I guess technically she’s an actress?). Expensive, gaudy and absolutely no substance.

Denver Broncos

Caitlin Olsen. She's almost as funny as their on-field antics.

Baltimore Ravens

Drew Barrymore. Seems like they’ve been around forever, and they’re always at least pretty good.

Seattle Seahawks

The Olsen twins. At one time, there was so much anticipation and potential. Then...nothing.

Jacksonville Jaguars

Margot Kidder. Because it just seems like no one cares.

Green Bay Packers

Natalie Portman. They’re classy. They’re good. Real good.

Houston Texans

Jessica Simpson. Some very pretty parts, but get past those, and it’s a low-IQ disaster.

Chicago Bears

Kate Winslet. Very promising at one time. But, that was a while ago.

New Orleans Saints

Halle Berry. The right parts in exactly the right places.

New England Patriots

Meryl Streep. Drama queens who are perpetually winning something.

Atlanta Falcons

Julianne Moore. Had some success, looked really good at times, but never quite became a household name.

Cleveland Browns

Roseanne Barr. Always been pretty tough to look at.

Kansas City Chiefs

Demi Lovato. They tease you and lead you on, then you get busted as soon as you believe they're for real.

Dallas Cowboys

Fergie. Good from afar, but far from good. See also: Kansas City Chiefs.

San Diego Chargers

Pamela Anderson. Fake and plastic, with no genuine working parts.

San Francisco 49ers

Thesy Surface. You start out thinking they’re one of the McPoyle’s, but in reality, they’re the opposite.

Miami Dolphins

Kathy Bates. Naked. Enough said.

New York Giants

That girl from Seinfeld who looks hot sometimes and scary other times, depending on the lighting.

Buffalo Bills

Kirstie Alley. Used to be a bloated train wreck, now seems to have it together. But that can change from week to week.

Tennessee Titans

Madonna. Tired, old and consistently the worst-dressed.

Indianapolis Colts

Heather Mills McCartney. Appears to be a classy, hot chick. Then you realize she’s missing a part.

Oakland Raiders

Jennifer Hudson. Spent the last several years way out of shape, now appears to be lean and toned.

Cincinnati Bengals

Shannon Tweed. Had a few really good years back in the 1980s. Since then, not so much.

Carolina Panthers

Maggie Gyllenhaal. The Panthers play in a college football-crazed area. Maggie lives in a Jake-crazy world.

St. Louis Rams

Lindsay Lohan. Because the glory years are long gone, and now there’s just years in the NFL basement looming.