Halloween 2011: The Creepiest Athletes in Sports

Typical people celebrate Halloween by dressing up in their scariest attire. However, not everybody needs a costume to provoke some screams.

These current professional athletes epitomize October 31. They creep out fans both on and off their respective fields of play through either eccentricity, intimidation, sheer ugliness or by pushing the limits of legality.

On this spookiest of all holidays, they need only to portray themselves.

Joakim Noah: Chicago Bulls

Let's begin with someone who permanently dons a hideous mask.

Joakim Noah may be an elite rebounder in the NBA, but unfortunately his most distinct features are the gap between his front teeth and his messy hair.

His face isn't exactly welcoming to young ballplayers or single women...or anybody.

Brian Wilson: San Francisco Giants

Brian Wilson's spandex tuxedo at the 2011 ESPY awards spoke volumes about his personality. Although I find some of his antics funny, his weirdness is just off the charts.

Maybe it's just paranoia, but in the back of my mind, I've always believed that people with bushy beards have something to hide.

James Harrison: Pittsburgh Steelers

Linebacker James Harrison is a fearsome individual.

On the field, Harrison is notorious for his huge hits, several of which have resulted in ex-post-facto punishment. He was fined $120,000 by the league in 2010 alone!

Meanwhile, an unrelated story from 2008 bolstered his reputation as a bad boy. Harrison was arrested and charged with simple assault and criminal mischief stemming from a domestic altercation with his girlfriend.

The charges were dropped once Harrison completed anger management and psychological counseling, but you know what they say: old habits die hard.

AJ Burnett: New York Yankees

AJ Burnett is a total enigma. Despite all his ability, Burnett has sorely underachieved as a New York Yankee.

He doesn't locate his pitches consistently and he allows opposing baserunners to screw with his mind.

Across the franchise's international fan base, there is a consensus that Burnett stinks. The media rips him relentlessly, too.

It's only a matter of time until he bursts and you'll want to be keeping your distance when those years of oppression explode out of him.

Chris Andersen: Denver Nuggets

Ink is cool in moderation, but Chris "Birdman" Andersen can't help himself.

His relatively recent "Free Bird" tattoo that wraps around his neck was clearly the brainchild of someone with a few loose screws.

Anybody who has taken the needle to the body as much as Andersen...I'll just stop there. Imagine the worst and heed my warning!

Greg Oden: Portland Trailblazers

No offense, Greg Oden, but you're a total creep. It is simply inconceivable that a 23-year-old has such deep facial creases!

Additionally, the big man has haunted the championship dreams of Trailblazer fans who expected him to play an integral role on their team. Instead, Oden has played one season's worth of games in four years because of recurring knee problems.

Nyjer Morgan: Milwaukee Brewers

Milwaukee's Nyjer Morgan definitely has no need to dress up this Halloween.

The looney outfielder found time to create a number of alter egos this season, most notably "Tony Plush."

Morgan invented words like "plush-damentals" and phrases like "tickle it into the outfield."

He even shouted expletives into a television camera during a post-game interview after the National League Division Series.

Morgan marches to the beat of another drummer, but his tune makes me very uneasy.

Thankfully, his new schtick has made him notorious. Now we all know how to spot him.

Ray Lewis: Baltimore Ravens

Future pro football hall-of-famer Ray Lewis has been inciting fear in his opponents since my infancy.

Lewis' energy practically secretes through his skin and carries through the air. It fills the lungs of the ball-carrier and suffocates him, paralyzing him like a deer in headlights.

His hard hits are one thing, but his intimidation techniques are one of a kind. Even on a screen, his facial contortions make you nervous.

Oh yeah, and then there was that whole "murder trial" thing in 2000.

Carlos Zambrano: Chicago Cubs

Carlos Zambrano makes everybody uncomfortable, particularly his teammates in Chicago.

Zambrano was once a dominant pitcher, but in 2011, it seemed that some of the gears in his head were grinding the wrong way.

He was the first MLB player in recent memory to be placed on the disqualified list when he couldn't calm himself after a poor outing.

Zambrano emptied the contents of his locker on August 12 after being shellacked by the Atlanta Braves and began to rant about retiring. The roster move was officially made the next day and Zambrano hasn't pitched since.

This was far from an isolated incident.

A dugout scuffle in 2007 with catcher Michael Barrett was the first hint that the heavy Venezuelan was an irregular human being. Then, in 2010, Zambrano had to leave the team to address anger management issues. 

Unfortunately for us, he has the physical means to execute his insane impulses.

Alex Ovechkin: Washington Capitals

Alex Ovechkin is an upstanding guy.

However, with what I'd guess is about 20 percent of his original teeth, I bet he's holding a few grudges.

Ovechkin is a two-time NHL Most Valuable Player and arguably the most talented scorer in the sport today, but face it: he's gross.

Opposing defenses find him frightening year-round.

Ron Artest: Los Angeles Lakers

You remember that brawl in 2004, right? The one where Ron Artest brutally attacked a fan during a televised, public event?

Artest has kept busy since then.

While with the Sacramento Kings in 2007, his pet dog was seized by animal officers under suspicion that she was being under-fed.

There isn't anybody who could make me understand how Artest—who earned more than $7.5 million during the 2006-2007 season—couldn't afford to support her.

Soon after the dog incident, Artest was arrested on domestic abuse charges. He served 10 days in jail.

I won't even discuss his name change (made official last month). The man is a loon.

Lastly, though, keep in mind that Artest—or should I say World Peace—is physically imposing. A regular-sized creep is one thing, but at 6'7" and 260 pounds, he can do some damage.

Kimbo Slice: MMA/Boxing

Bahamian-born Kevin Ferguson took a while to rise to prominence.

His dreams of playing in the National Football League didn't pan out.

Ferguson instead found a career as a bodyguard. Unfortunately, details from that part of his life haven't been made public (I wonder why).

By his late twenties, he had adopted the professional name "Kimbo Slice." He competed in unsanctioned street fights and uploaded them to the internet. That's how Slice got famous: mashing people in his backyard.

He recently made the transition from MMA to boxing despite admitting to having no previous experience in the latter.

"Maybe some people think I'm crazy," he told ESPN in an August 2010 interview.

We all do, Kimbo.

Ben Roethlisberger: Pittsburgh Steelers

Although there was no particular arrangement of the other creepy athletes, Ben Roethlisberger is purposefully last. I consider him the creepiest of all.

No offense, Steeler fans, but Roethlisberger should be dead. I am not wishing him ill, just stating a fact.

The NFL quarterback was involved in a horrific motorcycle accident in 2006 in which he was flung off his bike head-first and through a car's windshield.

Landing as he did, with such great momentum yet without suffering any neck, spinal or brain injuries was incredibly lucky.

With a second chance at life, however, Roethlisberger continues to be impure.

He was embarrassingly accused of sexual assault in 2009 and 2010.

Roethlisberger hired lawyer Ed Garland to handle the second case. Garland also defended Ray Lewis during his murder trial.

Halloween brings creepiness to the front of our minds, but in one form or another, it affects us year-round.

Stay safe!