NFL: The Eternal Ridiculousness of the Bears' Devin Hester

Planning for an NFL game can be extensive, tedious, and time-consuming. The typical NFL coach refuses to leave anything to chance. Game film is digested, players are studied, and methods of attack are hypothesized. But for teams playing the Chicago Bears in a given week, one significant chunk of that planning can be wrapped up with seven simple words:

Don’t kick the ball to Devin Hester.

The Minnesota Vikings didn’t listen, and Hester’s second-half kick return quelled what might have been a Vikings comeback in their nationally-televised game Sunday night. As the Vikings pulled to within two scores of the Bears early in Sunday night’s second half, Hester took over, receiving a kickoff and scampering through a mass of bodies, untouched, until he found the end zone. His celebration, though outlandish, seemed overstated. The old-school approach to celebrating a score is to act like one has done it before, and Hester had...16 other times in his pro football career.

It’s difficult to overstate the full magnitude of Hester’s return in the context of the NFL season. That kick may not get the credit it deserves for launching the Christian Ponder Era in Minneapolis, but it surely punctuated the beatdown that the Vikings endured. The impact of that beatdown being nationally televised, as the Vikings try to build a new stadium with taxpayer money, could be profound.

Devin Hester cares not about the Vikings’ plans. The product from “The U” has been shattering dreams on special teams since his rookie year in 2006. He reached the house five times on kickoff or punt returns that season. He did it six times the following year, an unprecedented feat. Hester’s impact on games is difficult to put into words. It’s almost like Mariano Rivera jumping into a game in the sixth, striking out the side and then leading off the next inning with a home run.

Teams don’t want to kick the ball to Devin Hester, and the NFL even tried to help.

Is it fair to say that the NFL’s new kickoff rules haven’t affected Hester? With the artificial enhancement of kicker power, more kickoffs are reaching the endzone, and fewer are being returned (almost 5 fewer kickoffs per game). But with more returners like Hester left to earn their money, more of those kicks are being run out from as far as eight yards deep in the end zone. Through six games, Hester averages almost 28 yards per kickoff return. That’s valuable production for any team that will start the bulk of its drives from its own 20.

Devin Hester was mediocre on defense. He’s average on offense, and even that description might be generous. But as a kick returner, he’s deadly. In terms of production, media hype, and angst in opposing special-teams coordinators, he stands without peer.

People still kick the ball to Devin Hester.

Dodging players in this league is difficult. Vikings punter Chris Kluwe--who put the ball in Hester’s hands once in five punts last night--has been outspoken on the difficulties of directional punting. Historically, there are numbers to back this up. Teams kicked or punted against Deion Sanders 312 times. He took nine of those to the house. Hester has 311, and returned 17 of those until there was no returning left to do.

In fact, the only thing that may prevent teams from kicking to Devin Hester will be Hester’s own retirement, whenever that may be. Hester turns 29 in November and is signed through 2013. With the criticisms of Jay Culter, the persistent misuse of Matt Forte and the fading production of Brian Urlacher, Hester finds himself relatively safe from criticism in a media market that seems capable of vilifying anyone. Every dropped reception in the defensive secondary comes with the understanding that such a task is only Hester’s second job, and that his money isn’t earned running out routes. As long as Hester pops off a return TD every few games, it’s all good.

Hester might find himself to be the guy who changes the argument of how special a special-teamer can be. Each Hester stampede toward paydirt fans the flames of the argument for Hester’s enshrinement in the Pro Football Hall Of Fame. Even though Sanders, the original “shutdown corner,” was lauded for his return game, one could suspect that a resumé bearing those feats alone would be ill-received by the gatekeepers of Canton.

But let’s be clear, the shadow that Hester casts over an NFL sideline is as profound and as scary as any from Drew Brees or Peyton Manning, and deciding exactly how much credit he receives for his impact on not only his games, but “the game”, is a fun debate. As fans, we’re not always interested in the players that are technically or fundamentally sound, but those that display a transcendent awesomeness, those that make us gasp the loudest. Devin Hester certainly fits that ball. And on behalf of NFL fans everywhere, I would make one humble request to the other 31 teams in the league.

Please kick the ball to Devin Hester.