NFL: If Al Davis and Steve Jobs Met in Heaven

Last week, Americans mourned the loss of one of its great all-time innovators, and this week we will mourn another.

As the death of Steve Jobs inspired a rarely-seen tribute from the American populace, the pro football community’s reaction to the death of Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis was equally reverent, if not more so.

Davis had run the gamut of football jobs—coach, general manager, owner, commissioner—and he did so in a way that football had never seen before, and probably will never see again.

In the wake of such loss, one is left to wonder what happens to us after we die, and whether the essences of Davis (and Jobs) will continue to exist.

While this might be a debate for another site at another time, this writer believes that, yes, we do continue to exist in some way after we die. Call it Heaven or whatever you want, but imagine the encounter of these two great revolutionary spirits if they were to come across each other beyond this mortal coil.

To quote Bob Newhart, I think that exchange would go something like this.


Al Davis: What is this place? Where am I? Where’d all this fog come from? Am I on fire?

Steve Jobs: You’re not on fire, Al. You’re—someplace else.

Al Davis: I’m fired? Who said that? Why are there staples in my forehead? Who are you?

Steve Jobs: Over here, Al. I’m Steve. It’s great to meet you.

Al Davis: Hey there, Pete. That’s a great turtleneck. Real men wear black, you know.

Steve Jobs: So I’ve heard.

Al Davis: So what did you do?

Steve Jobs: I resurrected a left-for-dead computer company and turned it into a corporation beloved by hipsters everywhere.

Al Davis: Computers? I have no idea what those are. I’m old and cranky!

Steve Jobs: Well, technically, you’re not, anymore. You’ve passed on.

Al Davis: Oh. That explains the lack of lesions on my forehead.

Steve Jobs: Al, you lived a very innovative life. And even though there aren’t any unemployed 27-year-olds posting your old commencement addresses on Facebook, you were a monumental person in your industry.

Al Davis: Who are you again? What am I doing here? Where do I have to punch Pete Rozelle to get a cup of coffee around here?

Steve Jobs: Al, I told you. I’m Steve Jobs. I used to run Apple.

Al Davis: Run apples? That sounds like peasant labor! Get me out of here! I have to get my Raid-uhs ready for the Houston Oilers next week.

Steve Jobs: Al, that’s all over now. I left important work behind as well. I was working on some innovative cloud technology for the new iPod music player.

Al Davis: How the hell do you put music on a cloud? Clouds are up in the sky! How’m I supposed to put my Pat Boone in the sky?

Steve Jobs: It’s hard to explain, really. I guess you’ll just never understand.

You get the idea.