Tiger Woods' Mistresses: Where Are They Now?

Ed NoveloCorrespondent IIIJuly 2, 2011

Tiger Woods' Mistresses: Where Are They Now?

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    It's been a while since Tiger Woods' "indiscretions" shocked the sports world and beyond, permanently redefining his image. 

    By the end, he had lost $750 million in a divorce settlement—give me a second while I piece my brain back together—to former wife Elin Nordegren, as well numerous endorsement deals, and 13 women (by my count) had come forward claiming Woods shot a hole in one in the bedroom. 

    That last sentence means something, I'm sure of it.

    Since, Woods has been in a free fall, failing to win a single tournament. But this isn't really about him; it's about the mistresses. 

    So let's take a look and see where they are today in this (hopefully) indiscretion-free slideshow.

    Sorry, my grandma reads these.

Joslyn James

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    Her Involvement

    This was an affair for the ages. Satan was most pleased.  

    Veronica Siwik, otherwise known as Joslyn James, porn star extraordinaire, claims that Woods sent her numerous naughty text messages outlining various acts of love that he'd like to perform on her.

    Hey, some people consider those things love. And they live mostly in the San Fernando Valley.

    Seriously.

    Given the PG-13 rating on this site, I can't exactly say in detail what Woods likes in the bedroom, but I will say it's not scented candles and rose petals. 

    Also, I should probably mention he allegedly impregnated her twice

    So Where Is She Now?

    Where else? The San Fernando Valley, still making breathtaking works of cinema—now in HD! 

    For a full listing of her work—what the hell, let's call it that—check out her IMDb page here


Jaimee Grubbs

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    Her Involvement

    Jaimee Grubbs is a fairly hot cocktail waitress that Woods allegedly—God, I'm going to get real freaking tired of writing that word—had a 31-month affair with.

    Woods, who, evidently, loves writing grammatically poor and disturbing text messages (didn't he go to Stanford?), even claimed that he was her boyfriend at one point.

    And if you say it in text, it's for real. That's why I'm not allowed near my ex-girlfriend.

    So Where Is She Now?

    Getting arrested for a suspended license. Actually, in all fairness, that happened in April 2010. But she was in Maxim, so she's got that going for her.

    My best guess is that she's still a cocktail waitress in Los Angeles. 

Rachel Uchitel

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    Her Involvement

    First off, I seriously did my best to find a respectable photo of this woman's face, you know, where it didn't look like she rode a dirt bike face-first into a diesel, or more accurately, a giant ass.

    This is what you get, and you're welcome. 

    I guess what I'm saying is, Tiger Woods really dropped the ball on this one. You've seen his ex-wife, yeah?

    She allegedly had an eight-month affair with the former badass golfer, her friends saying that she even believed he was her "soul mate."

    She, too, claims to have text messages but was paid off to the sum of $10 million by Woods to keep quiet

    This, of course, is in stark contrast to what he told Joslyn James—allegedly. That hair's not going to pull itself.

    So Where Is She Now?

    Can you say, private detective? How about, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew? Having an affair with that dude from Bones, that show with the chick who's pretty hot after a few beers.

    I'm sure some other respectable stuff, too.

Holly Sampson

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    Her Involvement

    Though they allegedly slept together only once—at his bachelor party, no less—it was, in her words, "really good."

    How good was it, you ask?

    To quote this video, where Holly describes their encounter, he had "beautiful everything," which sounds super good after saying that "he's the whitest black boy you've ever met."

    Was she describing his sun-neglected ass? We'll never know.

    So Where Is She Now?

    Doing what she does best—having sex.

    Oh, and teaching, if the picture is to be believed. 

Mindy Lawton

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    Her Involvement

    You want to know something about Tiger Woods? He's "very well endowed," according to 34-year-old waitress Mindy Lawton. Now let that sink in. The thought! Not...never mind. 

    What's more, she says he "knows his way around the bedroom. On a scale of ten, [she] would give him 12." I assume this means he found that sock she lost. There's really no other way to interpret that. 

    She goes on to claim that Woods liked to have sex anywhere but the bedroom

    So Where Is She Now?

    Jail! That's right, she's in jail for a year as of Jan. 7, 2011, for drunk driving. 

Cori Rist

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    Her Involvement

    Cori Rist, a Manhattan club regular, claimed to have "passionate" sex with Tiger on numerous occasions. After the passion, he would reportedly go all weirdo and hole them up in a room, eating Fruit Loops and watching cartoons.

    Typical man protocol, though, I prefer Fruity Pebbles and Dragonball Z

    But seriously, he just didn't want people to know he was cheating.

    So Where Is She Now?

    Getting through her divorce with nightclub promoter Neil Santos. Also, taking care of her seven-year-old son.  

    It's all very glamorous.

Jamie Jungers

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    Her Involvement

    Tiger done crossed the line on this one.

    Allegedly—the word of the day!—he actually brought her into his home, even having sex with her the night his father died.

    That's cold-blooded.

    As if that wasn't enough, Jungers reportedly even took pictures of his naked, drunk body while he was sleeping to show the media if they ever broke up.

    If you ask me, I say they're both nuts.

    So Where Is She Now?

    Oh, you know, just on a little show called "Judge Joe Brown"! 

    She was being sued by her landlord for not paying her rent, which was a staggering $2,000.

    That's definitely staggering to me.

Kalika Moquin

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    Her Involvement

    According to her, she had no involvement.

    But according to the magazine Life & Style, she visited Woods' Las Vegas hotel room a few times during the weekend of Oct. 23, 2009.

    And that's just enough to put her on this list.

    So Where Is She Now?

    She's marketing pools, which is kind of her job. Plus, she's got a birthday extravaganza coming up, but you're not invited, so...


Loredana Jolie

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    Her Involvement

    Up to this point, Woods liked him some freaky-deaky, but according Loredana, Woods is freaky-deaky-teaky. I'd delete that, but my backspace is broken.

    If she is to be believed, Woods was into male—ahem—encounters, in addition to his time with her. Not that there's anything wrong with that...Seinfeld once said...

    I'm just walking away now.

    So Where Is She Now?

    She's writing a tell-all book about how much of a freak Tiger Woods is. No kidding.

    You better believe I'll be reading that.

Julie Postle

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    Her Involvement

    There's not much to go on here, but Woods was allegedly once linked to this former cocktail waitress. 

    Her ex-boyfriend, Brian Kimbrough, claims that when Woods would call her cellphone, his name would come up as "Mr. Brightside," an old song by The Killers.

    Brian's now blaming Woods for their breakup. 

    So Where Is She Now?

    I have no damn clue. Rest assured she's out there somewhere, though, watching us...waiting.

    Anyway, here are some provocative pictures of her if you're bored.

Theresa Rogers

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    Her Involvement

    Oh, that guy?

    Don't you worry about that guy.

    What you're looking at is Theresa Roger, a 48-year-old cougar—slightly past prime cougar age—who reportedly taught Woods "everything he needed to know to be a great lover," according to a source close to her.

    Their relationship reportedly lasted about five years, lasting past the time he was married.

    So Where Is She Now?

    Not having his baby, as a friend claimed she tried to doOr did she?

    Somebody phone Maury.

Emma Rotherham

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    Her Involvement

    As usual, Tiger is a freak.

    After meeting this 42-year-old mother of two at an Orlando nightspot, Woods got down with her on a couch. In his office. Just before golf. Naked.

    It appears that "he loved her to dress in black stockings and suspenders." I don't know if that's just on the couch or if that applies to everywhere.

    Also, Ambien, the powerful, prescription sleep-aid was involved at times.

    So Where Is She Now?

    I can't find much on her, but from what I can tell, she might be getting deported from the U.S. sometime soon, if she hasn't already.

    Nuts to her.

Devon James

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    Her Involvement

    I should begin by saying that James' own mother called her a "pathological liar," so the following things get a big ALLEGEDLY. 

    That being said, she had his child—according to her. But probably not. Also, she has a sex tape of them, which she is trying to sell.

    Both claims have yet to be confirmed, as I'm sure you know. That sounds like the kind of thing that would be on SportsCenter non-stop.

    So Where Is She Know?

    Porn. And probably lying about something.

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