WWE: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin for President

In 2012, Americans will once again make our voices heard when we go to the polls and elect the President of the United States. This election will be a pivotal one, due to the critical point we are at as a nation. Our leader must be strong, have gritty resolve and fierce determination to do what’s necessary for the betterment of our nation. There’s only one man for the job.

Stone Cold for President.

Washington has become stale, with the same politics, the same bureaucratic red tape, and no real hope or vision for the future.

Reminds me of Monday Night RAW.

Last week, when Stone Cold guest hosted RAW, it was like a breath of fresh air, a hypodermic needle of adrenaline shoved straight into the heart of the program. Suddenly, the same old tired, boring routine, got very entertaining very quickly.

When I think about it, I am a little amazed at just how over Austin is, and has been, for years. It’s not that I don’t see his clear contribution to the business, and to WWE as a company, but I know wrestling fans. We are a fickle bunch.

We are responsible for helping make stars in the business. It makes no difference how much time, effort and money, is put into attempting to get a guy over, if fans do not respond accordingly, then it does not work. At the end of the day, we decide how important a worker is in a promotion.

However, we are also the ones with our fingers on the kill switch. If we collectively decide that a guy no longer deserves a pop, then we will take it from him. If he falls short of our expectations, then we will leave him behind, ostracizing him from the ever important main event spotlight that he desires.

At times, we are easy to please, and other times we are extremely difficult to work with. It’s our nature, it’s who we are as fans.

Through the years since Steve Austin’s transformation into Stone Cold, WWE has introduced a hundred gimmicks and storylines that we now no longer care about, or have possibly forgotten altogether. But, despite the number of talent who have come and gone, succeeded or failed, there remains one true constant in our eyes.

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin is the coolest guy to ever set foot in a pro wrestling ring. Period.

Everything about him is perfect. His ability in the ring, his look, his promos, his music, there is nothing about him that I would change. He is genuine, straight to the point and loves what he does for a living.

Fans know that every time he speaks, his words are not hollow, or his promises empty. He always backs up what he says, and delivers the best he has every time he has the opportunity.

When was the last time we could honestly say that about an American President?

I can only imagine President Austin’s White House press conference.

“Mr. President, other world leaders have been very critical of your foreign policy, saying that we as a country should tread lightly and ask for permission from the Untied Nations for virtually everything we do. How do you respond to those charges?”

“What?”

“…Um, I said that other...”

“Shut up. Look at you, you stand there with your stupid little haircut, your stupid tie and your stupid little notepad. Is that supposed to impress me? What? You stare at me with those beady little eyes, talking about "other world leaders." You think they’re right? You think Stone Cold ought to go crawling to them, ask for their blessing, every time this country needs to protect itself? Well, do you?”

“Well, I...”

“Shut up. Ain’t nobody going to tell "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, or the United States, what to do, or how to do it. Anybody who has a problem with that is going to get an a$$ whippin', and that’s the bottom line. Next question.”

“Mr. President, the House vote on the balanced budget amendment is coming up next week, do you see any potential problems with the vote?”

“Do I see any potential problems with the vote? Is that supposed to be funny? What? Son, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin is the toughest sumb!#%h to ever run this country. If the House knows what’s good for ‘em, they will fall in line, and keep their mealy mouths shut. By the time Stone Cold is done, the budget will be balanced, their salaries will be cut in half and the money reinvested in the people of this country who are hurtin’ and lost faith in America.

If you want ol’ Stone Cold to do whatever it takes to get this country right, and Stun anybody’s a$$ who’s got a problem with it, give me a hell yeah!”

If you think the press conferences would be epic, imagine the transportation used for President Austin.

His trademarked four wheeler ripping up the White House lawn, with Stone Cold flipping off reporters as they try to ask questions. The Presidential motorcade consisting of monster trucks bearing the white skull logo, Stone Cold climbing up on the hood of the truck when it stops to guzzle beer down as the crowd cheers.

Air Force One, repainted black with white skulls, and flying over Taliban training camps, Stone Cold parachuting out with an M4 Carbine assault rifle in each hand, taking out anyone who moves.

And, the Secret Service? Well, there is no Secret Service. Who would be stupid enough to ever take a shot at "Stone Cold" Steve Austin?

Not only would Austin protect the American people, he would take no prisoners when it comes to finding solutions to the problems we have as a country. His philosophy would be simple. Do it Stone Cold’s way, or I’ll beat you’re a$$.

Imagine how quickly we could right the ship.

So, next November, when you go into that booth, vote for real hope. Vote for the future. A vote for "Stone Cold" Steve Austin is a vote for real change in Washington. Let your voice be heard.

Vote Austin/Piper in 2012.

(Paid for by the committee to elect Stone Cold as President.)