Old Dogs: Ranking MLB's Best Players over 35
My friend wants an old dog.
She doesn’t have the energy or space for a young pup—they’re demanding, unpredictable, and they pee on stuff. She wants the companionship without the hassle, and there is something reassuring in the mellowing progression of years.
Unless, of course, the old dog dies, which is an impending and unsettling certainty. Old dog today, dead dog tomorrow.
The same holds for old baseball players. They’re reliable, levelheaded, and resourceful—generally more insightful and candid than younger counterparts. There’s a lot to like about old baseball players. Until they die, or the baseball equivalent thereof.
All of which motivates me to honor these elder statesman before time whisks them away. Drawing inspiration from Nathan Palatsky’s list of the 23 best players under 23, I’ve compiled a list of the 20 best players over 35 (trust me, 35 was too many).
For a special treat I’ve included each player’s favorite memory of the 1980s, drawn mostly from my research of that era conducted earlier in the afternoon and of course my prescient knowledge of the likes and dislikes of people I’ve never met.
Honorable Mention
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Koji Uehara 36, Scott Rolen 36, Jim Thome 40, Livan Hernandez 36, R.A. Dickey 36, Jose Contreras 39, Bobby Abreu 37, Derrek Lee 35, Hideki Matsui 36, Casey Blake 37, Francisco Cordero 35, Magglio Ordonez 37, Carl Pavano 35, Joe Nathan 36, Orlando Cabrera 36, Carlos Guillen 35, Raul Ibanez 38, Chipper Jones 39, Tim Wakefield 44.
Congratulations friends, you remember “Silver Spoons” and you are still good enough at baseball to be counted among the best 2,000 or so players in the world.
Now the bad news. “Silver Spoons” never played well as a rerun and you probably will never again play baseball well enough to crack anyone’s top 20 list. If you can’t make it here, you can’t make it anywhere.
Collective favorite memory of the 1980s: Tina Turner’s comeback.
20. Derek Jeter, 36
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With Derek Jeter, there are no right answers. If I leave him off the list everyone screams, if I put him on the list everybody not included in “everyone” screams even louder. So I put him on the list because I need to feed whatever makes Derek Jeter so damn polarizing.
Personally, I don’t get it. His style of play, his look, his company-line attitude—it’s all so damn boring. But people seem to enjoy a good Derek Jeter debate, so I’m putting him right on the deliciously debatable threshold between being on/off this list.
Now for some reasons he should be on this list:
-He’s a career .313 hitter who hit .334 just two seasons ago;
-He’s won five championships;
-He plays shortstop;
-He’s Derek “f***ing" Jeter.
The counter:
-That was two years ago, and he hit .270 last year with a paltry .710 OPS;
-80 percent of those championships preceded the inauguration of George W. Bush;
-He plays shortstop poorly;
-Point conceded.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Hi-top fades.
19. Arthur Rhodes, 41
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Arthur Rhodes doesn’t really belong on this list; at least not in terms of value. But I like Arthur Rhodes, and I appreciate the fact that Arthur Rhodes is as good at what he does (retiring left-handed hitters) at 41 years old as he was at 27. That’s pretty incredible, and the one thing making him list-worthy. I also enjoy the fact that he played on the Orioles when the Orioles were relevant. It makes me giggle.
Note: I totally had the Arthur-Rhodes-appreciation angle covered before SI came out with this awesome piece on Arthur Rhodes and fellow LOOGY Darren Oliver. Bested once again by timely, intelligent reporting.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: That EPIC road trip from Waco to El Paso to see Whitesnake play live.
18. Todd Helton, 37
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Todd Helton is the first test case for what will emerge as this list’s most salient question:
What do we make of the first 55 games in a 162-game season?
As a player ages, that question grows in importance. A slump at age 29 is a trend at age 39, just like a misheard sentence at 39 is a sign of dementia at 79. As we age, correlation devolves slowly and certainly into causation.
So what do we make of Todd Helton’s quick start? He’s posted an early .329/.399/.533 slash line, displaying some of the pop and patience that made him a star for the Rockies in the early 2000s.
He also just missed a game with back problems, the same that have been a recurring issue each of the last few seasons. Add to that the fact that he played poorly last season and hasn’t hit 20 HRs since 2005, and that early pace feels particularly dubious.
If he does maintain this pace, he’s way, way, way too far down on this list. At age 37 those are big “ifs.”
Favorite memory of the 1980s: new Coke.
17. J.D. Drew, 35
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Drew may live forever in the shadow of his expectations, but I for one think it’s time for fans to acknowledge the remarkable consistency of his goodness rather than lament the broken promise of his greatness. True, Drew never became an offensive force, but he has been a good major league hitter for a decade running now. As his 109 OPS+ in 2010 would indicate, Drew still hits for decent power and gets on base regularly.
I would compare Drew to an Andy Roddick or Eric Lindros—other athletes who could never escape the standards they set for themselves at a young age. And while it’s fine to acknowledge that disappointment, at some point we should probably admit that these guys were still pretty good. At 35, J.D. Drew is still pretty good, and that matters.*
*I also wanted to write a couple of paragraphs defending J.D. Drew because I’m fairly certain no one has ever done that—1,000 bonus points for novelty!
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Sneaking into the senior prom as a freshman and brushing against Cindy Wilhelm’s left boob while remarking to a friend that music television was “here to stay.”
16. Bartolo Colon, 38
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I immediately regret putting Bartolo Colon on this list for two reasons. One, is that all of the pithy commentary about Colon has been exhausted. And two, by the time I post Colon’s ERA, it will probably have doubled. But I like to live in the moment, and Colon’s stats really jump off the page. He’s posted the best SO-to-BB ratio of his career so far this year and his SO/9 haven’t been this high since 2000. Even if he doesn’t maintain those lofty figures—and I doubt he will—Colon still looks in line for a remarkably effective season in pinstripes.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Bacon-wrapped anything (also favorite memory of '90s and '00s).
15. Hiroki Kuroda, 36
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I have trouble envisioning Hiroki Kuroda as a young man. That perpetually affixed old-man frown of his oozes sagacity and calm. I bet he was one of those old souls who drank Earl Gray tea in eighth grade and told everyone in his sophomore biology class about the virtues of government bonds.
On to baseball...Kuroda has been a remarkably consistent performer over his three major league seasons. He’s always had an ERA under 4.00 and his hot start this years suggests more of the same. With his SO/9 rate actually on the rise, Kuroda seems bent on defying the gloomy science surrounding starting pitchers over age 35.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Menoodle...Japan’s Menudo.
14. Ted Lilly, 35
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Ted Lilly has been decent for a long time, and during the last couple of seasons he’s been even better than that. Amazingly, Lilly turned in the best back-to-back seasons of his long career at ages 33 and 34. With a WHIP just a tick above 1.00 both years, Lilly has quietly been one of the most effective starters in the National League during this late career renaissance.
After a disastrous campaign with Toronto in 2005, few could have predicted Lilly’s remarkable longevity. And his recent resurgence raises a number of interesting questions. Did he get better? And how? Or have hitters just gotten worse/less juiced? The stats provide no clear verdict though, by most any measure—standard, advanced, adjusted, etc.—his 2009 season stands out from the rest of his career.
All of it leaves me a bit confused. Where did this Ted Lilly come from? And where will he go next?
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Drinking warm Mr. Pibb in the soft summer rain.
13. Vladimir Guerrero, 36
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It’s tempting to call Vladdy’s 2010 season a “resurgence.” If you look at this career though, it’s clear that 2010 was less of a comeback than it was a slightly above-average performance in the context of a greatly exaggerated decline.
Vlad simply wasn’t as bad as people made him out to be before his All Star campaign in 2010. In 2009, despite playing a mere 100 games, Vlad hit 15 HRs and batted .295. Not stellar, but not terrible either. In fact, his HR per AB rate in 2009 was almost identical to the rate he posted in 2006 when he dropped 27 bombs and received a Silver Slugger.
Or at least it probably is...I did the math pretty quickly...and math isn’t my strong suit...neither is bowling. I am a terrible bowler.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Watching “Pretty in Pink,” like, a million times.
12. Alfonso Soriano, 35
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Try to isolate the man from the contract. Soriano was never, not even in his prime with the Yankees, Rangers, and Nationals, worth what the Cubs paid for him. He has a career OBP of .325 and never settled into a true defensive position. The drop in speed after age 30 was predictable enough, and even when he was fast he got caught stealing way too often to truly make hay of that tool.
Now try to forget all that, and appreciate that Soriano still has some pop left in his aging bat. He’s a sure bet for at least 20 HRs, and before he went on the DL his 12 HRs early in 2011 suggests he might even have a 30 HR campaign left in him.
He’s similar in a lot of ways to Vlad Guerrero, with the added bonus of having enough pep left in his step to at least play the field. I doubt Soriano ever escapes the disappointment heaped upon him by Cubs fans and fantasy owners, but at 35 he’s shown enough to remain a starter into the near future.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Learning how to accept life’s challenges with an open mind through the televised moralizing of the Care Bears.
11. Torii Hunter, 35
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Here I reverse course, and explain to you why Torii Hunter’s poor start to the 2011 should not be held against him. For starters, he looks pretty good. Slender waist, solid core, shiny bald head that projects a slick, youthful vigor. Torii, baby, I see you. Age 35 really is the new 25, yow!
Aaaaaandddd....
From a hitting perspective, 2009 and 2010 were easily the best back-to-back seasons of Hunter’s career. In both years, an OPS+ over 125 and drove in 90 runs. Even if he’s due for an age-related drop-off, I doubt he stays at his current level (106 OPS+, slashline of .242/.325/.397) all season. An upswing cometh.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Norman Foster Ramsey’s invention of the separated oscillatory fields method and its use in the hydrogen maser and other atomic clocks.
10. Derek Lowe, 37
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This guy had flame out written all over him—a hard-partying hurler with a construction worker’s temperament and a James Van Der Beek haircut. But the dude, unlike his hideous haircut, has staying power. I attribute his late-career resurgence to a wholesale change in attitude, a mellowing process that saw him progress from reporter-banging crazy to merely drunk-drag-racing crazy. Having done neither I choose to tastefully refrain from elaboration.
Surprisingly, Lowe’s baseball career has been everything his life career hasn’t—consistent, reliable, even boring. For seven seasons running, Lowe has pitched at least 180 innings and won at least 12 games. To say that, age 37 is something quite remarkable. Always on the verge of combustion, the Lowe flame burns eternal.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Looking into a crystal ball and seeing how awesome haircuts in the 1990s would be.
9. Placido Polanco, 35
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Polanco is one of the only plus defenders on this list; a feat made all the more remarkable by the fact that Polanco doesn’t even play his natural position anymore. Despite concerns about his arm strength, Polanco has become a fantastic third baseman for the Phillies after winning a gold glove at second base earlier in his career.
And even if he doesn’t thump the ball, Polanco continues to hit for a high average and put the ball in play. Plus, he kind of looks like a cross between the aliens in “Mars Attacks” and my friend Mike Galetta. Aaaaaand Galetta also played third base. It’s a small universe.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Working on the docks / holding on to what he had / living on a prayer.
8. Chris Carpenter, 36
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His 4.52 ERA and 1-5 record in 2011 don’t look great, but Carpenter is still as good as ever. His SO/BB ratio is high and his xFIP is right along career levels and blah blah blah...basically it’s bad luck and things should even out.
Besides, I like the name Christopher Carpenter—it’s alliterative, occupational, and translated literally it means Christ the Carpenter (I think). That’s some righteous good naming there. Bravo, Carpenters.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Roy Orbison’s comeback.
7. Lance Berkman, 35
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Excuse me while I indulge in some sports-writing cliches...
Lance Berkman? More like Lance Berserkman! The St. Louis outfielder has certainly been a HIT in his first year with the Cardinals. Due in large part to Berkman’s unlikely combination of power and patience, the red hot Red Birds have been brewing up victories by the keg-full this summer at Busch Stadium.
Along with his partner in pine tar, Matt Holliday, Berkman and St. Louis look like they're marching toward another eventful October. Holy home run, Robin! Bruce Wayne has nothing on this bat man. [Charlie Sheen reference]. [Allusion to 70s-era rock band/ exploits of son’s little league baseball team]. In the land of the muddy Mississippi, this much is crystal clear: they sure do like Lance-a-lot.
...I’m sorry for that. Lance Berkman is still good. Remember that, and nothing else.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Reaganism, Reaganomics, Reaganitis, Reaganade (wildberry welfare queen and trickle down tropic blast in particular).
6. Ichiro Suzuki, 37
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Someday, Ichiro Suzuki won’t be good at baseball anymore and I won’t see it coming. I won’t see it coming because that day should have come long ago, and it hasn’t. He’s staved off the “any day now” decline for so long that I’m starting to doubt if “any day now” will ever arrive. I mean he hasn’t regressed in the slightest.
And considering the way he plays the game—fast and furious (Tokyo drift)—that longevity is all the more remarkable. Last year, at age 36, Ichiro played in all 162 games and has never missed more than a couple weeks time throughout his remarkable career. He is an athletic spectacle along the lines of Darrell Green, Bernard Hopkins, and Dara Torres.
Maybe I’m being overzealous with those comparisons. Some more recent signs do point to an imminent decline. So far this year he’s hitting a paltry .264 with a mere 10 extra-base hits and zero HRs (bad even by his standards).
But...he’s still stealing bases, has actually cut down on his strikeouts and has a preposterously low BABIP of .284 to blame for his offensive woes. And, as a loyal rider of the Ichiro bandwagon, I’m beholden to the most obscure counter arguments until the wheels fall off, the band gets strep throat, and all of the remaining passengers get eaten by ravenous honey badgers.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Obediently performing endless sets of drills...in LEGWARMERS.
5. Alex Rodriguez, 35
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“When he’s healthy,” probably doesn’t apply to Alex Rodriguez anymore. It’s to the point where we can expect a trip to the DL every season and a few nagging injuries throughout. Even so, his numbers impress. He looks in line for another 30 HR season with an OPS around .850. That’s some serious old-man strength. Though his days as a fielder may be drawing to a close (there’s going to be some serious competition for Yankees DH in the next couple of years), A-Rod’s ability to meet bat and ball endures.
Surprised by how little I have to say about A-Rod? Me, too!
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Unbridled hedonism.
4. David Ortiz, 35
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Place here primarily for the dramatic effect of putting him one spot above a Yankee, Ortiz’s torrid start to 2011 on the heels of his strong 2010 campaign put him back in the conversation for the league’s most feared DH. Though his BAIBP is a smidge high, and I have to assume his .325 BA will normalize at some point, what’s most remarkable about Ortiz’s early numbers is his stunning lack of strikeouts. Big Papi is on pace for a mere 69 Ks this season—a number that, should it hold, would represent a career low during his time as an everyday hitter.
Adding to the intrigue, Ortiz posted a career high in that same category a season ago. Could a player at this stage in his career really cut down on his strikeouts-per-season by over 70? I’m dubious, but Papi has proved all of us wrong before.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Cyndi Lauper hitting high “E” time after time.
3. Paul Konerko, 35
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Big dude hits ball. As bones turns to sawdust and muscles into porridge, big dude continues to hit ball due primarily to his ever-present bigness. Barring any sort of accident involving human accordion, dude will continue to be big and hit ball with stunning proficiency well into the future. Paul “Bunyan” Konerko is 'dat dude.
Paul Konerko doesn’t bring much to the table. Just his bat, and maybe a fork and knife depending on whether or not this is a metaphor. And it doesn’t matter, because Konerko continues to rate as one of the AL’s most complete hitters. I would place him somewhere in the tier below Miguel Cabrera and Jose Bautista, but give him the edge over A-Rod and Ortiz because he seems to have a bit more pop left and has shown a skosh more consistency as a for-average hitter. The daintiness of those nouns indicates that the margin between the three is slim. And adorable.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: The underground hip hop career of Slick Rick’s cousin, Clumsy Rick.
2. Tim Hudson, 35
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Tim Hudson gets the nod here for a couple of reasons. First, he’s good. Second, I’m more impressed by longevity in starting pitchers than in power hitters. With memories of the steroid era still clouding my judgment and invading my sub-conscious self, the thought of a 35-year-old man hitting home runs sounds much less impressive than a 35-year-old man throwing seven innings in a major league game.
With apologies to Chris Carpenter, Tim Hudson is the only player on this list that still has elite starting pitcher potential. Impressive stuff for a 35-year-old. Before you think of it I’ll go ahead and mention that 2011 hasn’t been great for the 2010 Cy Young candidates. Of course the season is still young and there are many future ground balls just waiting to be induced.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Frisky Business and other classics of the decade’s kitten-cinema renaissance.
1. Mariano Rivera, 41
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Because greatness demands recognition. Because he is greatness personified. Because he carries that greatness so gracefully. For these reasons and more, Mariano Rivera must be first on this list. Now I’m not gonna argue that a great closer is as valuable as even a good hitter or starting pitcher. But I will say that Mariano Rivera transcends those types of baseball-value comparisons. He has no peers, he ends all debates, he has no foil—not even age. Heck, he doesn’t even seem old. Maybe that’s why he must be first on this list. He makes enduring greatness look effortless, without ever straining or sputtering or equivocating.
Favorite memory of the 1980s: Geraldo Rivera’s mustache.
