Shaquille O'Neal Retires: Our 10 Favorite Shaq Quotes

John ValentovicAnalyst IJune 2, 2011

Shaquille O'Neal Retires: Our 10 Favorite Shaq Quotes

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    LOS ANGELES - APRIL 28:  Shaquille O'Neal #34 of the Los Angeles Lakers boxes out Kelvin Cato #13 of the Houston Rockets during Game five of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2004 NBA Playoffs at Staples Center on April 28, 2004 in Los Angel
    Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images

    Shaquille O'Neal was more than just a great basketball player during his 19-year career.

    Yes, he won four NBA championships, won a league MVP award and was named one of The NBA's 50 Greatest Players (just to name a few of his accomplishments), but he was even more than that.

    "The Big Diesel" was also a great entertainer and one of the most unique personalities the game has ever seen. 

    He never stopped speaking his mind, and provided us with countless memorable phrases and quotes, many of which resulted in constant laughter by those who heard or read them.

    Although there are many more, here are 10 of our favorite quotes from "The Big Aristotle."

On Stan Van Gundy...

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    ATLANTA, GA - APRIL 28:  Stan Van Gundy of the Orlando Magic questions a call by the official during Game Six of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals in the 2011 NBA Playoffs against the Atlanta Hawks at Philips Arena on April 28, 2011 in Atlanta, Georgia
    Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

    "I heard his comment. Flopping to me is doing it more than one time, and I realized when I tried to take the charge, as I went down, I realized that that play reminded me of his whole coaching career.

    "And one thing I really despise is a front runner, so I know for a fact that he's a master of panic, and when it gets time for his team to go in the postseason and do certain things, he will let them down because of his panic. I've been there before; I've played for him."

    Apparently, Shaq wasn't pleased when Van Gundy accused him of being a flopper.

    And, he does have a valid point about SVG's postseason success.

He Was Once Asked If He Could Still Play...

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    385420 04: Los Angeles Lakers center Shaquille O''Neal speaks on NBC's 'Meet the Press' February 11, 2001 in Washington, D. C. The topic was Professional Basketball: Sports and Society and Role Models. (Photo by Alex Wong/Newsmakers)
    Alex Wong/Getty Images

    "But can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective."

    As we will see in a bit, O'Neal never shied away from bathroom references.

On Phil Jackson Possibly Being Fired...

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    LOS ANGELES, CA - MAY 02:  Head coach Phil Jackson of the Los Angeles Lakers looks on during the national anthem before the Lakers take on the Dallas Mavericks in Game One of the Western Conference Semifinals in the 2011 NBA Playoffs at Staples Center on
    Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

    "Phil took us to the finals three out of the five years and you want to fire him and want to bring in Mike Krzyzewski? Come on, man. That's like being married to J-Lo, then dropping J-Lo for a girl that's 5-10, 480 (pounds)."

    The Diesel showing Coach K very little love.

Shaq Didn't Mind Being a Terrible Free Throw Shooter...

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    DENVER - JANUARY 08:  Shaquille O'Neal #33 of the Cleveland Cavaliers takes a free throw against the Denver Nuggets during NBA action at Pepsi Center on January 8, 2010 in Denver, Colorado. The Nuggets defeated the Cavaliers 99-97. NOTE TO USER: User expr
    Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

    “Me having a beautiful wife and great family and friends around me, all the money I’ve got, all the things that I’ve got, a Ferrari that I just ripped the top off of and turned into a convertible, the rings I got, the two mansions on the water, a master’s in criminal justice, I’m a cop, plus I look good. 

    "So to me, shooting 40 percent at the foul line is just God’s way of saying that nobody’s perfect. If I shot 90 percent from the line, it just wouldn’t be right.”

    Who says athletes have it all?

On Rick Adelman Complaining About Him...

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    OAKLAND, CA - DECEMBER 20:  Head coach Rick Adelman of the Houston Rockets talks to his team during their game against the Golden State Warriors at Oracle Arena on December 20, 2010 in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agr
    Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

    "That game was dedicated to Rick Adelman. I'm at home, in the bathroom, trying to take a dump, flipping through the channels and he's complaining (on TV) about how I'm stepping over the line.

    "I can't even do a No. 2 in peace. I'm sitting there grunting at 12:30 at night. Can I go one day without somebody saying something negative about me?"

    O'Neal enjoys talking about his personal experiences in the bathroom, doesn't he?

On Having a Great Regular Season Record...

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    BOSTON, MA - JANUARY 19:  Shaquille O'Neal #36 of the Boston Celtics celebrates in the fourth quarter against the Detroit Pistons on January 19, 2011 at the TD Garden in Boston, Massachusetts. The Celtics defeated the Pistons 86-82. NOTE TO USER: User exp
    Elsa/Getty Images

    “If you go 72-11 and don’t win (the championship), it doesn’t mean anything. Actually it does. It means you’ve cheated and played an extra regular-season game.”

    So, I take it O'Neal's math skills are similar to his free-throw shooting skills.

On Lakers Owner Jerry Buss...

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    EL SEGUNDO, CA - MAY 31:  Jerry Buss, owner of the Los Angeles Lakers, is seen after Lakers new coach Mike Brown's introductory news conference at the team's training facility on May 31, 2011 in El Segundo, California. Brown replaced Lakers coach Phil Jac
    Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

    "I didn't need motivation," Shaq fired back. "I needed a real owner, not a guy that parties with girls three times (younger) than him. When you're 60, hang out with 60-year-olds, not 20-year-olds. You can quote me on that. I've got nothing else to say about Jerry Buss."

    Shaq said it, but honestly, we have all been thinking it.

On the Opposition Starting off the Game Hot...

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    OAKLAND, CA - MARCH 15:  Shaquille O'Neal #32 of the Phoenix Suns looks on against the Golden State Warriors during an NBA game on March 15, 2009 at Oracle Arena in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloa
    Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

    "I had an awful first quarter but I picked it up. To all you single guys out there, it`s not how you start the date, it`s how you finish it, sir. A lot of people can, you know, start the date with flowers and candy, but if you don`t finish the date... you know what I mean?"

    A little dating advice, brought to you by "The Big Cactus."  Or "The Big Shamrock."  Or any other nickname that I personally can't keep track of.


More Wisdom from Shaq About Opponents' Shooting...

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    AUBURN HILLS, MI - JUNE 15:  Shaquille O'Neal #34 of the Los Angeles Lakers looks on from the bench in the fourth quarter of game five of the 2004 NBA Finals against the Detroit Pistons on June 15, 2004 at The Palace of Auburn Hills in Auburn Hills, Michi
    Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

    "They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn`t always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning."

    Are we sure that's all he eats?  Really?

Asked If He Visited the Parthenon When in Greece...

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    BOSTON, MA - OCTOBER 26: Shaquille O'Neal #36 of the Boston Celtics beats Dwyane Wade #3 of the Miami Heat to the basket at the TD Banknorth Garden on October 26, 2010 in Boston, Massachusetts. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by
    Jim Rogash/Getty Images

    "I can't really remember the names of the clubs we went to."

    O'Neal has always been a man interested in culture.  I just didn't know it was that kind of culture.


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