Notre Dame Football: My Inspirational 2011 Speech

Fellow Irish: It is time…

Brian Kelly’s once-infant regime is now more than a year old. We Notre Dame faithful have had a first glimpse of what we have, and what may yet be.

We’ve been given a taste of a new ND, from recruiting to conditioning, from new schemes to new coaches, from game planning to game management, and from tragedy to triumph.

And although we had many a good meal, the diet could have been healthier.

So as a first season's sun sets, we head toward spring with fresh anticipation of something better, and maybe even something special.

There Is Good Reason To Hope

Our top recruit for the new year was actually enrolled in 2008, as a determined Michael Floyd will forego the NFL draft to return with 17 other players with starting experience. We begin the year with not one, but two quarterbacks that have actually touched the backside of a college center.

We await the return of an O-Line that finally hit something besides an all-night cheeseburger buffet, and by the end of the year, a defense that hit anything that moved.

With the dawn of a new spring, green athletic recruits have sprouted. Sunlight will soon bathe the thick grass at Notre Dame Stadium, harbinger of a glorious awakening of both nature and a program long dormant.

To commemorate the past and celebrate the future, as you might expect, it is time for my annual State of Notre Dame Alumni Kick-off Speech for 2011.

So I write with the greatest panache, write with the utmost purpose, and with a crayon.

I write based not on prediction, or reality. I write not because it is true, but because it should be true.

I write because this is what Irish Nation should hear.

So now, before anything can go wrong, it is time to go big. Yes...

...IT IS TIME TO REACH INTO MY KILN WITH TWO OVEN MITTS AND PULL OUT THE BIGGEST PAN OF CORNBREAD EVER!!!

In what will soon be the exact legendary words and acts of Daniel Martin Luther Stockrahm, I will walk to the podium, tap the mike, clear my voice and say...

I Have a Dream

"My friends...

Go back to Faust, go back to Davies, go back to Willingham, go back to Weis, go back to the many flawed leaders of our northern team, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today's spread offense and tomorrow's untimely injuries, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the Irish dream...

I have a dream that one day this team will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all teams are created equal, and then well above them there is Notre Dame.

I have a dream that one day on the two-foot high hills of South Bend the sons of former students and the sons of former players will be able to sit down together and share their cornbread at the table of brotherhood with heads held high.

I have a dream that one day ESPN will lament how the SEC was once an elite conference, and that Nick Saban and Les Miles retire knowing that no amount of over-signing, buxom recruiting hostesses, or pretend classes can stave off justice's one true defender that is Notre Dame.

I have a dream that one day even our team of Indiana, a team once sweltering with the heat of mediocrity, sweltering with the heat of ineptitude, will be transformed into an oasis of teamwork and good play.

I have a dream that my two little children will one day live in a nation where their Irish will not be judged by the color of the bruises on their butts but by the pride in their eyes.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every Notre Dame player shall be exalted, every hit and tackle shall be made low, the rough places in the defense will be made plain, and the crooked places in the offense will be made straight, and the glory of the Irish shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together for four glorious quarters each Saturday.

I Have Hope and Faith

This is my hope. This is the faith that I go to Notre Dame this eve of spring practice. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform any jangling discords of our team and our fans into a beautiful symphony of teamwork and admiration.

With this faith you, our devoted Irish Nation, will be able to face towards the game after three shots of Patron together, to pray for good weather at home games together, to struggle to open our twist-offs together, to go to the majestic rows of Port-A-Potties and stand in line for four days together.

To drink untold barrels of beer and make every effort to stand up for our anthem together, knowing all the while with the strength of our certainty that Notre Dame will soon be...

FREE TO BREATHE THE RAREFIED AIR OF THE BCS!!!

Do I hear a hallelujah?!!!

This will be the day when all of Irish fans will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My college, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. School where my fathers cried, land of the Irish pride, from every mountainside, let BCS freedom ring."

Ring Your BCS Freedom Cowbell

And if our Irish are to be a great program this must become true. So let BCS freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops along M-31. Let BCS freedom ring from the mighty mountains of St. Mary’s women, though forever hidden by countless layers of sweatshirts.

Let BCS freedom ring from the heightening top of Legends bar!

Let BCS freedom ring from the snow-capped coffee tables of Charlie Sheen!

Let BCS freedom ring from the endless slopes of the bubble butts of MSU's offensive line!

But not only that; let BCS freedom ring from the Stone Mountain in Lane Kiffin's head!

Let BCS freedom ring from every mole, hill and molehill in my backyard and on my backside!!! From every Irish' fan’s mouth and bottom side, let freedom ring!

And when this happens, when we allow BCS freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every man-cave, from every bar and every pub in this great country,

...we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men, white men and green men, cornbread-eater's and kool-aid swillers, alumni, fans, students, players and coaches alike, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

My friends, it's time...our day has come! The Irish will be back in 2011…LET BCS FREEDOM RING!!

GO IRISH!!!"

...After some timely fist-pumping there will be general pandemonium, at which point I will then stand back and bask in twenty minutes of thunderous applause before things quiet back down and they get the door raffle started.