NBA Trade Rumors: 15 Things More Appealing Than Grizzlies' Hasheem Thabeet
The Grizzles are currently one of the surprise teams in the NBA. They have won eight of their last 10 games and are looking more and more like a playoff contender.
Memphis is somehow having this success despite the colossal bust that is Hasheem Thabeet.
He was the second overall pick in the 2009 NBA draft and the entire front office in Memphis is ready to ship him out of town ASAP less than two seasons into his career.
That’s what happens when you’re a seven-footer that averages 1.1 point, 1.6 rebounds and .3 blocks while shooting 42 percent from the floor.
Wow!
Those are some historically bad numbers and Thabeet is the only top five pick to ever play in the NBDL.
The Grizzles are reportedly “aggressively” shopping the former Uconn star, which begs the question…what team in their right mind would want this guy?
Here are just a few things that are in higher demand than Thabeet.
15. The American Dollar
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So what if the the value of a U.S. dollar drops by the minute?
Think about all of the high class dollar stores that are located right next to Wal-Mart across the U.S. of A.
A wooden spoon, a single steak knife, watered down laundry detergent, candles that don’t smell and knock-off potato chips are just a few of the fabulous things you could buy at the dollar store.
Pretty sure the Grizz would take a wooden spoon over Thabeet.
14. Gigli
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Possibly the worst movie of all time, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez star in a “comedy” with the following IMDB description:
The violent story about how a criminal lesbian, a tough-guy hit-man with a heart of gold, and a retarded man came to be best friends through a hostage.
Sounds riveting!
It would certainly keep my attention longer than watching Thabeet pout on the end of the Grizzles bench.
13. Anything Justin Beiber
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Let’s face it…It’s a Bieber world and we are all just living in it.
The ridiculously popular 16-year-old pop singer is somehow the most famous person on the planet right now.
I wonder if he could make a song for Thabeet?
“You’ll always be my biggest bust, the No. 2 pick no one could ever trust...”
12. 2011 NFL Game Ticket
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Season ticket holders in the NFL have already received their invoices for 2011 tickets. There’s just this small little snag…WE MAY NOT HAVE A SEASON!
But I would still rather have a souvenir of a lost season than a guy that blocks less shots than Steve Blake.
11. Apples to Apples Board Game
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It’s a fun competition that can entertain people from the age of 8-88.
The judge receives the contestant’s adjectives and must determine which noun is the best match for the adjective.
Imagine the adjectives you could use if “Thabeet” was one of the nouns players had to match with adjectives.
Slow, soft, sluggish, uninspired, bland, boring, dull and forgettable are just a few that would win you big points.
10. Charlie Sheen’s Briefcase
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Who knows what you are going to find in Charlie Sheen's briefcase? You know it’s going to be more interesting than Thabeet.
9. Incredibly Annoying “Flo” from Progressive Commercials
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Everyone’s least favorite spokesman is insanely irritating. Her jokes are both dim-witted and lame. I make sure to never buy anything Progressive related just because of this “Flo."
But I would still take her over an overpriced dud of an NBA player.
8. Leftover Valentine’s Day Candy
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Valentine’s Day is a holiday that you either love or hate.
The romantics love the whole wining and dining thing, with cuddling and romantic comedies to end the night.
Others (probably 99 percent of which are men) would much rather curl up next to their favorite sports movie while shoving gobs of heart shaped beef jerky and chocolate down their pie hole.
Needless to say, I would eat a giant box of Russell Stover chocolate cream squares over having Thabeet on my basketball team any day of the week.
7. This Reporter
9 of 15OK, so she may have had a stroke in the middle of a live broadcast and that's not funny.
But I still say she was more effective at her job in this 11 second clip than Thabeet has been in almost two years with the Grizz.
6. AT&T Stock
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Now that the iPhone is going to be released on the Verizon network, the maddening service that AT&T provides will get hammered.
It was the last hurrah of the dated phone company and the time is now to sell your stock in the company.
But this failing stock still has more value than the corpse also known as Hasheem Thabeet.
5. Advice from Larry David
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The Curb Your Enthusiasm star doesn't always make the best decisions.
He may have tripped Shaq at a Lakers game, brought a hooker to a Dodgers game in order to ride in the carpool lane and hung up the phone on his wife as her plane was going down because the TiVo guy was at the house...but I don't think Larry Davis would ever draft Thabeet in the first round—let alone the No. 2 overall pick.
Thabeet curbed the Memphis Grizzles' enthusiasm on him after about a month of watching him play.
4. 24 Oz Can of Steel Reserve
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The homeless man's drink of choice is tough to take down a sip—let alone an entire 24 oz can.
This alcoholic beverage eases the pain of your sorrows, so maybe Thabeet will start drinking some Steel Reserve to forget the last two years of his life.
3. Pack of Gum
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Having fresh breath is much better than having a seven-foot center that may or may not be the worst player of that extreme size in the history of the NBA.
2. Brett Favre Cell Phone Pic
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Brett Favre is known for his text messages and some of them are better to receive than others. Yet I would still rather get a Favre picture text in my inbox than Thabeet.
At least with Brett's pics, you can use it to get an undisclosed settlement from Favre. But with Thabeet, you are just stuck with a huge chunk of space that forgot how to play defense or shoot a basketball when he left the campus of Connecticut.
1. Carmelo Anthony's Denver Nuggets Authentic Jersey
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The NBA trade deadline is less than 10 days away and it's only a matter of time until the Nuggets star is shipped to the New York Knicks.
Who in their right mind would want to buy a jersey that will be relevant for only a week?
How about a guy that had to choose between that and Thabeet?
