Cleveland? Please. Phoenix is worst-cursed sports city in America.

 It was almost laughable.  The jubilation.  The excitement.  Most of all, the rejoicing that an unjust era of futility had finally come to an end.

That was the scene in Boston a year ago when the Celtics acquired Kevin Garnett just after dealing for sharp-shooter Ray Allen on draft night. 

“21 unbearable years without a championship!” Bostonfans, journalists and sympathists cried, overjoyed that the undeserved time of suffering was behind them.

Whoopde-freakin’-doo.

You want suffering in the world of sports?  Check out Phoenix, where the championship trophy cases reflect the surrounding desert: dry, dusty…and empty.

21 years without a championship after winning 16 Larry O’Brien trophies?  Try 40 years without one.  Try your team’s entire history, with two instances of coming in second.

Those two losing efforts in the Finals (1976 against the Celtics, 1993 vs. the Bulls) are probably the biggest proof that Phoenicians have been a deprived sports nation.  The city was so excited at finishing second, they threw downtown parades as if they’d actually won.

It’s not just the lack of championships.  It’s the lack of star power.  At least Clevelandhas Lebron James. 

The Suns have had All-Stars; even recognizable ones (sorry, Cedric Ceballos).  But they’ve never had a stop-where-you-are, “I’m going to will my way to relevancy”, indisputable franchise player.  Yes, that includes Charles Barkley, Alvin Adams and Connie Hawkins.

Just look at the Suns best centers in their history: Alvin Adams, Mark West, Oliver Miller, Hot Rod Williams, a 36-year-old Shaq…it's like 40 years' worth of Craig Ehlo.

What about other sports, Cleveland fans?  O.K. Fair enough.

The woe begotten Browns (seriously, they’ve had some tough breaks) have had 7 winning seasons in the last quarter-century.  The Arizona Cardinals?  One.

Yeah, the Browns have had their hearts broken.  There’s no denying that.  There’s also no denying the Cardinals have never had enough heart to break.  

Again, the excitement in Phoenix over that one winning season (1998) was pathetic.  Cards fans were multiplying and scurrying about like cockroaches after a morsel of rotten trash.  And when that playoff appearance ten years ago ended in the NFC Divisional Playoff, you’d have thought they’d played the Super Bowl in Glendale, instead of just hosted it.

Hockey was very probably brought in to distract the locals from the Suns and Cardinals’ failures.  It’s ended up being the Suns on Ice.

Playoff appearances, sure.  Optimism, frequently.  But championships?  Forget it.  Even the Great One’s success dried up upon arrival in the desert.

“Baseball!” the Cleveland faithful would protest, “Baseball!”  Sure, the Indians haven’t won a World Series in 60 years, and the D-Backs won their first in 2001.  It’s a wash, really, since both Arizona has the most recent championship, but Cleveland has two to their one.

Here’s a couple points of consideration, however.  The Indians won handily and entertainingly, largely thanks to guys like Lou Boudreau, Joe Gordon, and Eddie Robinson.

This is isn’t to say the pitching dominance of Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling is commonplace.  It’s just that for the D-Backs to even be contenders that season, the pitching duo had to be on the absolute top of their respective games for Arizona to even have a chance.  Without their hurlers at their pinnacle, they were…vulnerable.

Arizona was barely able to squeak by the Yankees. Cleveland?  They were far and away the best team in baseball back in 1948. 

That brings up another point.  The older, gold-er days of baseball are more cherished thanks to the presence of legends and absence of performance-enhancing drugs.  A fan is presented with the following choice:

A)    A 1948 World Series during the era of Joe Dimaggio, Ted Williams, and Stan Muzial without steroids in the mix?

B)    A 2001 World Series with a roster that was bought, not built, for one season of success, rather than years of contention.  Not to mention the fact that players’ talents were assisted by illegal means in that era.

The D-Backs have one World Series, but the Indians got twice as many in a more impressive way and era.

Both Phoenix and Cleveland have had rotten luck.  But if the 40 American cities with at least one professional team for a major sport (baseball, basketball, hockey and football) were ranked for luck…Cleveland would have to settle being #39 to Phoenix’s #40.