ESPY Awards: What Ricky Gervais Might Say If He Hosted the Show

What a crazy week it was for Ricky Gervais.  After his opening monologue on the Golden Globe Awards, the media was engulfed in a tsunami-like wave of controversy.

For many, the Brit's no-holds-barred verbal assault was funny and refreshing.  For others, it was a nasty, below-the-belt shot at the Hollywood elite.

But what would happen if Ricky decided to host the ESPY Awards? 

His opening monologue might go a little like this…

What Ricky Gervais Might Say If He Hosted The ESPY Awards

Good evening everyone.  It’s great to be here at the ESPY Awards.

As many of you know, I recently hosted the Golden Globes.  It was a smashing success.  And by smashing, I’m referring to all the massive egos that were deflated that night.

Right then, let's get started.

ABC’s Wide World of Sports announced they’ve replaced the “Agony of Defeat” guy in the show’s opening.  Now, instead of seeing ski jumper Vinko Bogataj crash out of control, viewers will just see an image of Charlie Sheen.

It’s too bad, but Sylvester Stallone was unable to attend tonight’s show.  The actor is currently working on Rocky 10.  This time the champ takes on his toughest competitor: his enlarged prostate.

I love being here in Los Angeles.  You have the most amazing transit system.  It’s a lot like Viagra.  A one-hour wait, for a two-minute ride.

Here’s a little-known fact.  Taking one Viagra can leave you with a four-hour erection?  But don’t worry.  The drug manufacturer recommends the easiest way to cure that is by watching five minutes of the WNBA.

LeBron James just announced he plans to star in a new sitcom.  The Miami Heat superstar’s new show will be called “Not In Cleveland.”

Did you know that Rush Limbaugh was a Brock Lesnar fan?  It’s true.  Limbaugh’s favorite fight was the Lesnar-Shane Carwin bout.  Lesnar was down and virtually out, and then rebounded to win.  This was a bit of shock to me.  Who knew that Rush would support a man who is able to come from behind?

Good news for NHL fans. The league just released a new viral video that is so shocking it will definitely get people talking about the league. I wish I had a clip to show you, but sadly I do not. However, if you are searching for it on the Internet, just Google the title “Two Girls and The Stanley Cup.”

Thank you.  Now on with the show.