How I Found Nascar In Times Of Need

I want to preface this by saying this is a personal reflection and how I found NASCAR as a comfort in times in my life when I  needed it the most.

In times of tragedy sports for many becomes a form of escapism. For many fans anniversaries of such tragedies like 9/11, death of a family member or extreme emotional distress, we cling to things we find comfort in. For this sports fan; NASCAR has twice saved me.

I have been a NASCAR fan since 1997. I have an extreme passion for this sport. In the offseason I am reading articles and keeping up on what my favorite driver has planned and going on next season.

My first race I saw was the CMT 300 and my favorite driver Jeff Gordon won. He did not become my favorite driver because he won the race, it was because of a reference I had heard months before I lost  my grandma to lung cancer in May of '97 and my grandfather to a sudden brain Aneurysm in August of '97.

The term "Rainbow Warrior." At the time I first heard it I had no idea what it was, or who it was, but in flipping the channel that September day I heard the phrase and began watching.

To explain this, I lived with my grandparents, they were always the constant in my  brother and sister and my lives. My mom worked to raise us and support us my grandparents were the other parents in a single family home. Losing them has left a hole in my heart, still void.

I struggled very much after losing them in such a short time, I became very closed off, and secluded. I was seeing a pastor at my church and he had told me I needed to find something to not just take my mind off of all the pain but to escape if only for a little while. So for me NASCAR in the beginning was a form for me to get  away.

For a few hours a week I got to go off into this other world where speed and technology mesh together and while death was always a possibility it was watching these drivers walk that fine line for four hours on a Sunday.

I can't say it healed me, I can't say it made losing my grandparents any easier, but it allowed me to go to a place where my grandparents were still here, and I was just a kid watching a sport where men tested fate and carried 3400 pound monsters at blazing speeds.

In 2001, I watched every lap of the Daytona 500. Including the final laps. I remember crying. I was sitting on my bed crying. It couldn't  have been true. I knew that there were other drivers who had died at the track but not this driver. Not the Intimidator.

My mom asked what happened and when I told her she told me, "Next Sunday you will watch the race, you won't forget what happened, and while you did not know this man personally you can grieve and be sad, but there is always gonna be next Sunday."

I have not forgotten her saying that. When 9/11 happened I was in school. We all know the exact place that  we were at when we heard. I didn't react until I got home, I watched all the coverage for days. It was school, work, and news. I was couldn't walk away from it. Nothing was more important than learning who caused this.

NASCAR next event was held on September 23. Just weeks after the attacks. Emotions still raw. I was angry. My mom could see the anger and sadness. I could feel it, it was like a bad cold, you just can't get rid of. She told me I needed to step away from all the TV coverage that I needed to go back to my routine. I didn't know how to do that. I had a new routine.

I watched the opening ceremonies. I cried. I wiped my tears, I watched the race, but couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Because it could have been my family to lose a loved one. It could have happened anywhere.

I watched Dale Jr. win that emotional race. I couldn't help but feel like it was time to move forward. Time to move on. That same realization I carried a few years earlier. 

Sports is about enjoyment, its about watching men do things you wish you could do. In times of tragedy sports becomes a free therapist. In time you heal, you find comfort in things you are familiar with.

For athletes when a personal tragedy happens they rally together around there team or the person who is experiencing this tragedy. Even in the darkest moments they come out  on the field, or the court or the track and perform. Often times the fans don't know what is going on in their life.

For athletes there is no hiding in times of national tragedies. They are expected to be the healers. They are expected to bring the country together and remind them that there is always tomorrow.

We all deal with loss or tough times in different ways some turn to alcohol, drugs, or work. Others turn to friends and family and others turn to sports. Some might not be  very healthy choices but in some way its human nature to turn to things we  seem to be the happiest or the most content.

I will never forget  those dark days following 9/11. I will never forget the loss, the anger, and sadness. But I will never forget what I felt watching those races, and how I began to heal and find a place of comfort and security when the world around me seemed so lost.

Thank you for reading my work on here and this was a very personal piece for me. I hope you enjoyed reading and maybe got to know me a little better and see what influences me in my writing about NASCAR.