College Football's Worst Teams: The Terrible 10 for Week 10

Where's Guy Fawkes when we need to fix the BCS and the bowls?

Maybe Boise fans should start wearing V for Vendetta masks to their home games.

Remember, remember, the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot;
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,
'Twas his intent.
To blow up the King and the Parliament.

1] New Mexico Los Lobos [0-8]

New Mexico has separated.

No, it has not gone back to Old Mexico, the Spanish Dons or the Comanches.

New Mexico State, whose only previous win was against the losing Los Lobos, nipped San Jose State by two, thus propelling their cross-state foe to the top of the Terrible Ten.

Los Lobos have never recovered from their Billy the Kid Bowl loss.

2] Akron Zipped [0-9]

Howard Cosell quit babbling about boxing after announcing Tex Cobb's slow slaughter at the fast hands of Larry Holmes.  

Cobb, who described his failed fight against Holmes as a typical Akron game plan ("I stuck to my game plan—stumbling forward and getting hit in the face") later said:

"I'll go another 15 rounds with Holmes if Howard will quit announcing football!"

If Howard was watching the Zips, he might give up on football too.

Can someone stop this fight?

3] San Jose State Spartans [1-8]

Well, at least they helped New Mexico State out of the Terrible Ten...and made the school powers that be a bunch of bucks by being beaten by the likes of Wisconsin, Alabama, Utah, Boise State and Nevada along the way.

Broken bones heal, but booster bank accounts need bucks this season.

4] Michigan Wolverine Defense [Currently folding somewhere on a 3rd-and-22]

Greg Robinson is doing for Michigan's defense what he did for the entire Syracuse squad.

Ron Zookie and Illinois might turn out the lights on the Rich Rod Robinson show this week.

Rich Rod better start shopping in Akron; they might need a tight end coach...but will he take his loyal, albeit incompetent, assistant Mister Robinson with him?

5] UNLV Run Over Rebels [1-7]

Ah, well, at least the rebs have the Strip, strippers, abandoned homes and midnight games of War in old Las Vegas.

6] Washington State Cougars [1-7]

Things are starting to mesh at last, as the Cougars held Arizona State to 42 while putting up an Akron Zip Zero in last week's weekly whipping.

7] Tennessee Volunteers [2-6]

Memphis is confident they can catch Tennessee looking forward to their battle with Vanderbilt to see which team is the rose team in Tennessee. 

Didn't anyone in Tennessee volunteer any Andrew Jacksons to bring Cam Newton to town?

It's the SEC, and with all those BCS bucks at stake, the price of poker has gone up.

The poor state of Tennessee all this bad football, and then they have to house Randy Moss for a few weeks or until he beats up a barbecue man Mom and Pop or two.  

8] Memphis Tigers [1-7] 

Finally the Tigers catch a break when an utterly terrible Tennessee comes to town.

9] Minnesota Golden Gophers [1-8]

They built that new stadium for this?

Maybe they will move to LA with the Lakers and Vikings.

If Californians are dropping 150 million cash on losing elections, what's a billion for the Vikings and Gophers?

10] West Virginia Mountaineers [5-4 and falling]

Last week coach Bill Stewart, following a shocking loss to Syracuse, had an impressive cliché-ridden press conference that included these gems.

"That will worry about doing all the little things right and will read a few less press clippings and will take care of business."

This week, after yet another crushing loss, Stewart proved he still had some stunning clichés saved.

“I’m not pleased with the fumbles."

“When you get in the red zone, you have to score.”

“We have to work on getting turnovers."

"We haven’t stripped the ball."

"I’m going to lay the law down and we’re gonna work on getting turnovers."

“I know I’ve put my finger on the problems that need to be corrected."

Stewart explained some of the ills plaguing his program, which included:

Ball security, mistakes in formations and motion, costly penalties, pass protection, the offensive line, kickoff returns and the inability to strip the ball loose and to make one-on-one tackles.

Which reminds one of John McKay describing his Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

"Can't stop a pass or a run...otherwise we're in great shape."

"Well, we didn't block, but we made up for it by not tackling."

McKay, of course, had much more flair and a far better ball club at Southern California.

Too Terrible Team to Mention

Notre Dame Fighting Irish [4-5]

The Irish have been a below average program for decades.

The coaching decisions against Tulsa were, as they been since Lou Holtz left town, horrid, but what does one expect of a group of responsible adults who send a student into a life-threatening situation to film silly practices in long-lost seasons?

In 55 mile an hour winds, what exactly do you want to catch on tape?

Harry Truman famously said the buck stops here...one wonders, watching the powers that be squirm, where the buck stops in South Bend anymore.