McLaren’s ‘kitchen sink’ gambit…unorthodox? Yes, but it wins titles

Negative Camber

Oct 6, 2010

We are aware that the Paragon in Woking is missing a kitchen sink. Should you have a dirty coffee cup, place it in the plastic bin next to the hole where the kitchen sink used to be. We have secured the use of the kitchen sink as a new upgrade to the MP4-25 for this weekend’s Japanese grand prix. The sink will be returned to its normal place should it prove unsuccessful ~ Management

It seems the folks in Woking are motivated. You thought the KERS unit was a heavy chunk of metal to put on a car, well now McLaren are throwing everything they have at this championship including the “kitchen sink” according to managing director Jonathan Neale. Telling reporters in a conference call today:

TOP NEWS

“We’re throwing everything and the kitchen sink at it. If we can pull a modification forwards, even if we’ve only got limited components, I’d rather have the drivers have that fraction of a second in lap time”, said Neale.

“We are running on the very lean edge of what we’ve got.”

The title battle is close and McLaren are far from out of the equation even with Lewis Hamilton’s two recent DNF’s. Hamilton is only 20 points adrift of Red Bull’s point’s leader Mark Webber and that could easily change over the next four races.

Neale said they are taking all the upgrades they had in Singapore two weeks ago and more. Apparently the kitchen sink too. I am not sure just how they will use the kitchen sink but perhaps it is part of an elaborate cooling system or even a driver rinse-and-spit system for hydration. The one issue has to be the beard shavings that get lodged in the bottom of the sink from Jenson Button’s scraggly face blanket and just who will bring the Liquid Plumber should it get clogged.

I suspect McLaren’s unorthodox approach to car development is exactly what saw such a massive improvement over the 2009 season with no testing. Further research has placed the “balltap, ballcock or float valve” of the Woking toilet as the key part that saw the team nearly claim another championship last year. It was combined with the Hello Kitty cookie cutters from secretarial-pool-temp Madge Gunderson’s baking set and a craftily placed Slip-n-slide on top of the Oaster blender that saw a 3/10’s performance gain.

Here is hoping McLaren can achieve what they set out for because Marge is currently using the cookie cutters for the McLaren championship party celebration preparations—it seems Jenson like Hello Kitty.