SEC Predictions: Larry's Losers in the SEC Week Three

Larry Burton (Syndicated Writer) This article series pays homage to the down home humor of Leanord Posttoasties.

After a week of pigskin prognosticatin' perfection, Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I boast a 20-1 record overall, and as I remember from my school days, that'd be about a 95 and an A in anybody's report card.

So Bacardi and I ain't gonna mess with the recipe and hope to bake up another batch of smart cookies that give the same kind of results to us this week and we're just gonna jump right in.

Alabama at Duke

David Cutcliffe and the Dookey Devils open up the stadium and will entertain Nick Saban's Pachyderm herd from Tuscaloosa.

If Cutcliffe thinks he can be a ring master and get these elephants to perform like he pleases, he's gonna be in for a long Saturday.

Saban's herd marches only to his tune and won't listen to anything but the screams of the boys in blue as they get trampled all day long.

When this circus is over, the Pachyderm pride will be picking little blue goo from between their toes as they start planning on what to to with their trunkless little cousins in Fayetteville.

Larry's Loser - Duke

Arkansas at Georgia

As painful as it was to predict, even ol' Bacardi saw the dog whippin' coming that the Old Ball Coach put on the puppies last week.

Bacardi says he's glad he ain't gonna have to be between the hedges this week and Bobby Petrino brings his tusked bacon boys to Athens for a little contest SEC-style.

Mark Richt is looking for answers and he won't teach these old dogs any new tricks this week and the Georgia fans can go ahead and not wait for another mediocre season as he's giving it to them early this year.

Bobby's boys better enjoy damaging some dog ego this week, because next week it'll be a real battle when the Bama boys come banging at the door.

Larry's Loser - Georgia

Clemson at Auburn

Dabo Sweeney is an old Alabama boy who knows what a tussle with these Southern Siamese from Auburn is all about. He's leading his Clemson Kitties against tigers by another mother.

Both of these teams bring tabbies with sharp claws and they'll be quite a clawin' for four quarters. Lord knows the ACC could use a little good news and this game could help a cat lick some old wounds.

But in the end only one can make the cover of this week's Cat Fancy, and Gene Chizik thinks he's got things going in his direction this year and aims for bigger, better battles with more ballyhoo, and he just may make it.

Larry's Loser - Clemson

Florida at Tennessee 

This is a contest of one team maybe doing better than expected and one that has its fans scratchin' their heads wondering what's wrong.

Urban Meyer may not have all gators all growling the same tune, but the crowd from Hardknoxville ain't got the same quality of singers on the field or on the bench for new Vol coach Derek Dooley.

In the end, talent and depth win out as it usually does unless Les Miles and a depleting clock are in the picture.

Larry's Loser - Tennessee

Akron at Kentucky

The Kentucky Kitties are going to be three and oh-so-undefeated after this game, but joke's on Joker if he thinks his cats can purr off a perfect season much longer.

The Zips are a great name for a bunch of fumbling footballers from Ohio and the cats will play with them like mice until the very end.

But next week, reality comes crashing in on these cats when they travel down to the swamp.

Larry's Loser - Akron

Mississippi State at LSU

Dan Mullen and his hard-luck mutts muddle down to Baton Rouge in hopes of finally pulling off an SEC win this season and putting his puppies back in the mix of the SEC haves and out of the realm of the have-nots.

Les Miles plans on sending them dogs home with no bone and hopes home field and better talent can win out over better coaching and better game plans.

This could be a doozy and Bacardi is pullin' my pant legs and pantin' and a prayin' that I'll listen to his particulars and pick the pooches.

He was right last week that the dogs could beat Auburn and they almost did, but I have to believe there's just too much talent in the Tiger den and that they will squeak by in a close one.

Larry's Loser - Mississippi State

Vanderbilt at Ole Miss

Robbie Caldwell cruises the Commodores into Oxford for a battle with next worst team in the SEC in a fight to the bottom of the SEC.

The sinking sailors from Song City did have a respectable showing for a little while against LSU last week and Ole Miss did beat up a traumatized Tulane for their first win, so both have at least shown some kind of life.

But Houston's no fool, just a Nutt and he knows he's got better boys on the ball field and if he can just keep them from killing themselves, they should be able to sink the ship one more time and leave Coach Caldwell practicing his comedy act for his next gig.

Larry's loser - Vanderbilt

Furman at South Carolina

Quick, does anybody know without looking what the Furman mascot is? Does anybody really know where Furman is? Does anybody really care?

If so, they are the Paladins and they're from Greenville, S.C. But that doesn't teach you much, what the hell is a Paladin?

They were the foremost warriors of Charlemagne's court, according to the literary cycle known as the Matter of France. 

So one of the SEC's best is fighting some wannabe French dandies from an fairy tale court from a school you don't know anything about. Hmmm, this one's a toughie.

Larry's Loser - Furman

So there you have it, this week's picks are in the books and out in cyberspace and I've a got a sulkin' pug to show for it.

If State pulls that off, that dog will never let me live this down. We usually see eye to eye but he swears them bulldog cousins of his from down Mississippi way are due for breakout.

I see that coming in next weeks battle of the bulldogs with their Georgia cousins.

So until then, this is Larry and Bacardi the Wonder Dog saying enjoy the games and may be biggest loser be a TV show you watch and not your favorite team.

Bacardi! What did you do in my house shoe?! That ain't no way to act!