University of Michigan: How To Spot a Wolverines Fan

Without a doubt, the Ohio State-Michigan rivalry is the the most bitter in the world of college football. Ohio State and Michigan fans truly hate each other, and it's been this way for decades.

When these two teams come together, the result is anything but pretty. The best bet for Buckeyes fans is to simply avoid the fans in Maize and Blue in order to reduce the risk of injury to the people up north.

But how do you know if you're dealing with a Wolverines fan? Recently, Michigan fans have been just as hard to find as their football team.

Fear not, Buckeyes fans! We have compiled a list of the best ways to spot a Michigan fan so you can be prepared.

They Tailgate with Foie Gras

The rest of the college football community is used to burgers and brats as the food of choice for tailgating before games.

But not Michigan fans.

Oh no. They wouldn't want to stain their crisp white dress shirts with ketchup and mustard. Those rooting for the Wolverines wouldn't dream of consuming the cuisine of the everyday man.

Each weekend, Michigan fans prepare a full menu that includes duck liver pate, ceviche, and caviar. They really do treat themselves to the finer things in life.

They Insist on Being Called "Doctor"

We all know "that guy." When you meet him, you think you are being polite when you call him "Mr. Whatshisname."

The normal response to this would be, "Just call me Frank."

But not Michigan fans.

"It's Doctor."

They Only Pay Attention at Games when they Forget their Hawthorne Novels

Most of us are on our feet screaming and carrying on for the entirety of a college football game. We throw our hands in the air and give high fives and chest-bumps to those around us as we cheer on our favorite team.

But not Michigan fans.

Since many Wolverines fans don't know the difference between a first down and a touchdown, they usually pack a book or a Sudoku puzzle to keep them occupied during a game.

They Pick their Season Tickets Based on which Seats are the Least Drafty

Most football fans come to games prepared for cold temperatures and have developed a thicker skin for watching games outdoors.

But not Michigan fans.

We all know that those in Maize and Blue chill very easily, so they always need to sit in seats that are sheltered from the cold autumn wind.

They Question Why Other Fans Insist on 'Yelling"

The majority of college football fans leave games with their throats sore from screaming their lungs out as they cheer on their teams.

But not Michigan fans.

In fact, many Wolverines fans will bring earplugs to games as not to damage their precious ears.

"Can you guys keep it down? I'm waiting for a phone call from my accountant."

That Lexus SUV that Just Cut You Off on the US 23?

The driver was definitely a Michigan fan.

They've Never Tasted Beer

Most football fans like to throw back a few cold ones while they watch a game.

But not Michigan fans.

While many of us feel that beer and football are a natural pairing, Michigan fans prefer dry martinis and fine wine.

They Listen to Vivaldi to get Pumped for a Game

Many of us have our own choice of music that we listen to while we pregame. We like classic jock jams like "We Will Rock You" and "We are the Champions."

But not Michigan fans.

They prefer a more refined style of music. There is nothing more exciting than Vivaldi's Four Seasons.

Their Apparel Comes Equipped with Pocket-Protectors

We all have our own collections of college football garb, from hats to jerseys and everything in between.

But Michigan adds a little something extra.

At first glance, Michigan licensed apparel looks like that of any other school, but look a little closer. You'll find a nice little lined compartment so Michigan fans don't have to risk ink exploding on their clothing.

They Leave Games Early

Most die-hard football fans won't exit the stadium until asked to leave.

But not Michigan fans.

Many Wolverines fans need to duck out around halftime so they won't be late for that gallery opening.