Lebron James's Chat With His Father: The Lost Conversation

The Lost Conversation!

With all of the social pandemonium, you have to ask: What if Lebron had a real advisor?  You have to wonder what that conversation would have sounded like if Lebron James actually had a father (figure) advising him

I am curious as well, and I have an idea how it could have gone down.  Let’s assume his father would be in his 50s, a wise individual, and a man’s man.  Who’d be suitable to play Lebron’s dad?  In a normal situation, Morgan Freeman comes to mind.  Wise, articulate, and very likable, he’s a good example of a father-figure. But not for an egomaniac who needs to be held in check.

We need someone tougher! 

   Paul Sr.’s image from OC Choppers comes to mind.  Paul Sr. is perfect.  A biker and former metal-worker with a western style fu-man-chu, he appears to be someone who'd sooner take a blow torch to burn down your house before he took your crap.

  He certainly wouldn't take any from his own son, even if that son were making 25 million dollars a year playing sports.   Yes, for those reasons, Paul Sr. serves perfectly as the wise father Lebron never had. Yes, I also realize there is a slight mismatch in ethnic resemblance and DNA, but suspend disbelief just a tad bit.

 Interior – Daylight – Akron Cleveland.

  In a house located in Akron Ohio, Paul and Lebron are having a discussion about the upcoming “Decision” as to where Lebron will play next.   It's broad day light outside, but inside the house, we see a somewhat dimly lit room  with the lights turned off. 

After being away for a year, Paul has returned to Ohio to chat with Lebron who has just gotten off the phone, We resume conversation between Lebron and his father, Paul. 

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Lebron
Wow, ESPN is going crazy over this whole story.

 Lebron’s Father (Paul)
You mean the newsvans parked outside treating this as though they were Apollo 13?

Lebron
yeah! and it's all for me, because of me! For King James.

Paul
What's the latest?

Lebron
Well,  Umm,  I finally got my Brand established, Making new apparel with my logo.

Paul
Oh yeah?  What is it? 

Lebron
LBJ!

Paul
You realize that LBJ was a President of these United States?

Lebron
Yeah, someone else mentioned that too.  Haha!  I thought they were messing with me.   Well, don't matter.  LBJ is Lebron James NOW baby.

Paul
Why don’t you pick something else.

Lebron
No way.. Do you know why I picked LBJ?

Paul
You’re not very creative or original?

Lebron
Umm, noooooo.  It’s my initials!

Paul
Like I said……

Lebron
This is the new LBJ!

Paul
I get that.  You know, there are other athletes with initials that’d be familiar… Like JFK, NBC, and DUI.  They just don’t pick it as their brand.

Lebron
I’m keeping it.dad.

Paul
OK, just don’t wear the dumb jacket to the press conference.
When is that by the way?

Lebron
Next week

Paul
Nice.  What are you gonna tell’em?

Lebron
That I am not staying in Cleveland.

Paul
Are you a moron or just like to play one on TV?

Lebron
Why?

Paul
You can’t announce a press conference, hijack all the news,
just to give the middle finger to the people of Cleveland.

Lebron
Why not?

Paul
Well, son, let’s see: It’s so retarded on so many levels, I am not sure where to begin.
Remember when you were a teen and I pleaded for you to go to college.  This is why.

Lebron
Well, I am not staying in Cleveland.  My fans will follow LBJ out of Cleveland.

Paul
How are you gonna break the news to them, Son?

Lebron
Easy!  Announce that I am taking my talents to South Beach.

Paul
Care to stamp on your forehead the wordd "A**hole?"

Lebron
What’s wrong with South Beach?

Paul
For starters, You do realize the Miami heat do not play IN South Beach.

Lebron
So?

Paul
That’s like joining the Lakers and saying you’re taking your talents to The Hollywood Hills.  Or playing in Amsterdam, and saying “You’re taking your talents to the Red Light District.”   It comes across as……..

Lebron
As what?

Paul
As though you don’t care about basketball or winning so much. It’s like a heart surgeon going to the surgery room telling the family of the patient, “Hey, I am taking my surgical talents to that room next to the nice cappuccino maker.”  

Lebron
Ummm, errr, so?

Paul
Well, son, some people just might get the vibe that the surgery is not his priority.  You know what I mean?

Lebron
Well, I’ll think about it.

Paul
So what are you gonna do when you get there?

Lebron
Have a huge festival at the arena and a big party.

Paul
What are you? The Roman Army? Care to burn down Cleveland down, rape and pillage while you’re at it? 

Lebron (sounding like a Kung fu student)
Ummm.  I am confused father.Please explain.

Paul
You can’t ransack one city, and celebrate two days later like you have no worries in the world.  What’s wrong with you kid?

Lebron
My advisers think it’s best.

Paul
Are those the scumbags you've been hanging out with?

Lebron
haha, you mean my business advisers?

Paul
yes.  Like I said. Scumbags who can’t get a job otherwise.  Who are they again?

Lebron
Well, um there’s "World Wide Wes". 

Paul
OK, what’s the Full URL?

Lebron
No, not World Wide WEB! Ha, ha, ha!   His name is World Wide WES.

Paul
Sounds like a degenerate.

Lebron
No, he is quite wise.

Paul
He is a degenerate.  Dump Him. Who else?

Lebron
Maverick Carter.

Paul
He watch Top Gun one too many times? Is that his real name or his call sign?

Lebron
Ha, ha, Ha!  You’re funny Dad! Maybe I'll tweet one.

Paul (disgusted)
Well, he is another loser!  What’s wrong with you kid?  I leave town for a year and you’re surrounded by morons and degenerates looking out for themselves.  Just don’t wear your LBJ shirt to “The Decision” conference.

Lebron
No!  I am wearing a beautiful table cloth Maverick converted into a flannel shirt.

Paul (utterly disgusted)
Really?  Why not wear a Toga?  Like Animal House?  Then you can go straight to the party..

Lebron
Whoa!  Great Idea. You think that’d be better? I’ll text Maverick right now.

Paul bitch-slaps Lebron across the face, with the zeal and gusto of Homer Simpson slapping Ned Flanders.

Paul
I am being sarcastic you moron. 

Lebron
OK!  Sorry, My bad.  Toga sounded cool though

Paul
Here is a list of a few ideas:
# 1 Get rid of all your so called “ Advisers”.  Anyone with a nickname, they're gone out of your inner-circle.  World Wise Wes, Bodacious Buns, Jake the Snake. NO more!

Lebron
Are sure?

Lebron’s father Bitch slaps Lebron again. This time on top of the head, but done in an education manner.  It’s very Reminiscent of Bruce Lee in the beginning of  Enter The Dragon.

Paul
Yes, I am sure.  Don’t interrupt me again.

Lebron
OK. My bad.

Paul
# 2.  No press conference, unless you’re telling people you’re staying in Cleveland.
# 3   Also,  no Miami, no Los Angeles.  You can’t run to the backyard of a Kobe or a Wade.

Lebron
Why not?

Paul
Because you ran like a bitch crying for help!  No matter what happens, you’ll never in the same convo as Magic, Bird, Jordan, Kareem, Russell, and even Duncan.  Unless that convo is about what a bitch you are compared to them.  And ps, btw, Kobe will forever own you.

Lebron
What about Dwayne?

Paul
He’ll get over it.

Lebron
Well, I’ve already decided I’m going to South Beach.

Paul
OK.  Suit yourself. It's your life kid.

Lebron
I am also leaning towards having that press conference
About "The Decision." On ESPN next week.

Paul (calm)
Really?  I'm leaning towards taking out your kneecap with this here, Solid steel,  tire-iron.

Lebron
On 2nd thought, maybe I'll call off the press conference.

Paul (smiling)
Good call. On 2^nd thought, I’ll keep the tire-iron to myself.

Lebron
Thanks for the words of wisdom and guidance. Love you dad.

Paul
Love you too kid.

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  And so that's how it'd all have gone down differently.  As it stood, there were no father figures, sages, wizards or druids.   It all culminated to "The Decision" as we all came to know. The rest is history.

Dedicated to Cleveland sports fans.