FIFA World Cup 2010: The Hand Of God Returns

The Hand of God has returned to this year's World Cup.

Not on the pitch—as in the famed 1986 England vs. Argentina World Cup quarter-final match in Mexico City—but rather on the sideline.

Once again, God has freely handed soccer fans across the globe the eternally entertaining gift of Team Argentina's Coach, Diego Maradona.

Today's chubby coaching caricature may look more like a trite Telemundo Talk Show Host than the world class player he once was. But, Maradona no longer needs a soccer ball to save and dazzle during this World Cup. He still can enrapture viewers every time ESPN's wide angle camera lenses turn his way.

Long gone are Diego's deft touches, sudden bursts of athleticism, and scintillating soccer skills. Although Diego's soccer lore has been resurrected, his long lost athletic glory has been replaced by melodramatic John Gotti type mannerisms, sharp blasts of profanity and elongated bouts of exaggerated emotion in which the quixotic coach warmly embraces the very same players he routinely castigates.

A sight to behold on the sidelines, the dapper Diego unabashedly sports identical wrist watches on either arm and matching diamond softball-sized studs in either ear. Squeezing into a freshly Armor-alled goonish grey suit, the mercurial Maradona looks more loan shark than soccer coach.

Passion personified, Diego smiles, snarls, steams, struts and stomps along the sidelines while relentlessly combing his jet black dyed mane with his 1986 beefy Hand of God miracle mitt. Barely able to corral his bullish frame within the obligatory coaching box, Maradona challenges every officiating call, while grasping his rosary beads with a vice grip and gesticulating unsactimoniously for his worldwide audience to witness.

So, the next time we pay Penance by yawning through another listless France vs. Uruguay nil - nil draw, let's offer our thanks to the Almighty for the gift that God so freely handed to us again in this year's World Cup.

Diego may be the only salvation we'll need to enjoy this year's tournament.

MIKE—thee American made voice on sports!