Jared Allen: The Modern-Day Samson

Look at it. It's greater than any work of Warhol, Dali, Picasso, or Van Gogh. It is a thing of pure manly beauty. Look at...

THE MULLET.

It is the calling card of one of the most feared defensive ends in the NFL.

When he's charging at you, it's all business. But once he's pushed past, you know it's all party.

And now, it is gone.

Like many men before, Jared Allen is entering the realm of wedded bliss. Also known as the land of compromises.

The first compromise for Allen has been to cut off his Golden Fleece for the wedding. While an honorable gesture to his soon-to-be wife, it begs the question of whether he will be as feared, now that he is not as recognizable.

Players would be mesmerized as the party portion bounced softly as Allen settled into his stance.

Offensive linemen couldn't help but smirk across the line of scrimmage. Sure they were about to get pummeled by the Vikings defense, but at least they were facing a true warrior in the Mulleted Man.

Alas, it is no more.

Now Allen will be mocked mercilessly for his dull 'do. His enemies will no longer recognize him as the bear-like quarterback crusher. Now he is a teddy bear who has likely just finished cuddling (yes, cuddling) with his new wife before hitting the field.

And no one fears The Cuddler.

The winds of change are blowing away the severed locks of a champion. And like the biblical figure Samson, Allen's magic may be gone with the wind.