The Sports Retorter: Pick Arizona to Beat Green Bay on Sunday

Dear God or Roger Goodell (whichever one of you controls the outcomes in the NFL),

Please pick the Cardinals to beat the Packers this Sunday.

There are plenty of reasons I think they should win the game.

Their defense is better than it was last season and showed a new found ability to put pressure on opposing quarterbacks—they finished sixth in the NFL in total sacks compared to 20th last year—that should help slow down the Packers potent passing attack.

The Cardinals' special teams is vastly superior to the Packers.

Place kicker Neil Rackers even at 75 percent is better than the Packers’ Mason Crosby at 150 percent.

Crosby missed nine field goals this season and was a paltry 6-of-13 from 40 yards or longer. Rackers on the other hand only missed one field goal this season and hit 6-of-7 from beyond 40 yards. With two talented teams, a close game is likely and a field goal could make the difference.

Not to mention Rackers is the master of onside kicks and has a booming leg on kickoffs to make sure the Packers start with poor field position.

Speaking of special teams and field position, how about the punters?

No matter what the NFL and its fans say, the Cardinals’ Ben Graham was a Pro Bowler this season. I mean the man tied Andy Lee’s NFL record with 42 punts inside the 20-yard line this season (not that I need to tell you that, you know everything).

Green Bay punter Jeremy Kapinos’ kicks saw the inside of the opponents twenty about as often as the St. Louis Rams offense. He ranked dead last (just please don’t resurrect his season this weekend).

Offensively, they are pretty evenly matched, as long as you don’t look at rushing statistics.

Both offensives have the ability to move the ball down the field at a break neck pace. Though, the Cardinals do have two advantages. Larry Fitzgerald ’s amazing big game ability and Kurt Warner’s playoff experience (don’t forget, he’s a big fan of yours if that helps).

Warner has played in eleven playoff games, with an impressive 8-3 record. Aaron Rodgers first playoff appearance will come Sunday.

Then there’s the battle of head coaches. Ken Whisenhunt won a Super Bowl as an assistant coach with Pittsburgh and has turned the Cardinals from laughing stocks to contenders. That’s nothing short of a miracle (you like those right?). I’ll take his ability over McCarthy’s any day of the week and twice this Sunday.

Mix all those reasons together with the fact that the Cardinals are playing in front of their home crowd—a snow storm in Wisconsin that stops all flights from late Friday to Sunday night could go a long way to helping that advantage—and you have enough reason, in my mind, for the Cardinals to win.

I know it’s probably not a strong enough argument to convince someone of your greatness and wisdom so here’s another reason.

You can save everyone in the world from having to deal with a week worth of “Brett Favre’s former team and his replacement stand in the way of his quest for a Super Bowl!”

Even you have to be sick of hearing about the “greatness of Brett Favre”. If we were to believe the media, he can walk on water (which I thought was a special talent you reserved for special people). The only quarterback to receive more praise from announcers is Tim Tebow, and at least he’s wearing eye black that recognizes you.

The happiness of millions of people not located in Bristol Connecticut and Green Bay ride on this game. No need to punish everyone right?

Thanks for taking the time to listen to my argument. Any help you can give his much appreciated (like healing Anquan Boldin). I don’t think the Cards need it but apparently most of the “experts” do.

Sincerely,

The Sports Retorter

PS. I think a score of 31-28 sounds about right, if it’s not too much to ask.

(Originally posted on Phoenix.Fanster.com)