BCS: Introducing The Most Full-Of-Crap Man in the World

Glenn PettyAnalyst IJanuary 8, 2010

You know all about Dos XXs Most Interesting Man In The World…well, meet the Most Massively Full-Of-Crap Man In The World. He really does speak Russian in French and when he tells you the world is flat, he believes it.

How much would the BCS have to pay you to spew out the nonsense below? Is the magic number $300,000 a year, $600,000 a year, $1.1 million a year, $2 million a year?

Seriously, if this guy said: I took their money and I don't believe a word of the junk I said, we're cool with that…But, if he really believes this bulls***, he needs to be institutionalized.

The story goes like this: The BCS has a new executive director who started work recently. His name is Bill Hancock and he is…drum roll, please…the Most Massively Full-Of-Crap Man In The World.

Hancock, a longtime administrator in college athletics, was hired by the conference commissioners in November to be a full-time point man for the Bowl Championship Series.

During the first 12 years of the BCS, the position of coordinator rotated among conference commissioners on a two-year basis. Hancock now assumes those duties (were guessing the likes of the ACC's John Swofford tired of the role of Head Hypocrite.)

According to Yahoo Sports!, the Most Massively Full-Of-Crap Man In The World said a playoff at college football's highest level would lead to more injuries, conflict with final exams, kill the bowl system, and diminish the importance of the regular season.

(Editor's note: We swear these quotes are true. This guy's opinions are so screwed up, we thought this might have come from The Onion or some other smart-ass like T.A.H. doing parody, but it appears that Most Massively Full-Of-Crap Man In The World's actually believes this crap…Yikes!)
Here is a sampling of the Most Massively Full-Of-Crap Man In The World's complete nonsense:

"I know this is not completely popular, but I believe in it, I believe it is in the best interest of the universities." (He left out that he is being paid handsomely to believe this and that he's completely crazy.)

"College football has never been better and I believe the BCS is part of that." (Tell that to a kid from Boise State this year, Texas last year, or Utah before that.)

Hancock said the fact that other lower levels of college football use playoffs to decide their champions doesn't mean it would work in the Football Bowl Subdivision. The second-tier of Division I football, the Championship Subdivision, has a 16-team playoff with all but the final played at home sites. (Huh? So what? Why not utilize the existing bowls for a sixteen team playoff and rotate the semis and finals through the BCS bowls, how freakin' hard is that?)

"It works at that level, I can't deny it, but if you look at attendance for those games, only Montana had decent attendance," he said. "Many teams didn't draw as well as they did in the regular season." (Dude, you're killing us. Does the Most Massively Full-Of-Crap Man In The World really think that people wouldn't attend a NCAA D1 playoff game? Really? We're serious. Can he be that delusional? Oh shucks, I bet he's right 'cause nobody goes to those stupid D1 basketball playoff games. Is that why they call it March Madness, 'cause people are so crazy that they go to playoff games?)

"The fact is what we have right now works." (Stop it. No, it doesn't)

No changes are expected to the system for the next four years, despite congressional hearings and a new pro-playoff ad campaign. The BCS begins a new four-year TV deal with ESPN next season, and each of its current bowl partners also start new four-year contracts in the 2010 season. Maybe at some point we can get a little TV network collusion and force the BCS to wake up and smell the playoffs…

Regarding the selection process, the Most Massively Full-Of-Crap Man In The World said, "It's all objective, based on the data."

(Arrrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!)

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