Welp. Everyone out. Party's over.
It was good while it lasted, but the Uncoordinated Authorities have brought the dab in for questioning. And I can assure you it will never be the same once they're done.
Just a few short days after Cam Newton "dabbed on them folks" and sparked a national morality debate over quarterback touchdown celebrations, the dance he adopted as his own has been officially laid to rest in a quiet Philadelphia newsroom.
Good Day Philadelphia's Alex Holley tweeted footage of her and her Fox 29 colleagues discussing and practicing the dab on the air Wednesday.
I warn you: What you're about to see may disturb you:
It began with Fox 29 weatherwoman Sue Serio showcasing her interpretation of the dance.
"So this dance is called 'the dab'?" Serio asked. "Am I really behind the times? You go like that? I was looking that up. That's a dab?"
"Yes," confirmed Holley, realizing a horrifying Pandora's box had just been opened.
And then this—your moment of zen—occurred:
Hit the house lights, please. Thank you everyone for coming out and supporting local art. I hope you enjoyed yourself and drive home safely. The dabbing den has closed. You don't have to go home, but you can't dab here.
I can't say I didn't see this foreclosure coming.
Any illusion I might've held about the dance's continued longevity was shattered earlier today when Cris Carter began "bapping" on folks on dad-talk radio—but I didn't expect to see it wiped out the same day, in a single, 20-second sequence.
But that's life! All that is good dies young in this world, and you can't say the dab didn't have a good run.
It made a lot of people happy, while simultaneously irking many self-fashioned football moralists. The dab burned too bright, too soon, to sustain itself.
And for that, we can do nothing but smile and remember the dance as it was: a good thing that made bored people angry.
Dan is on Twitter. He was B/R's lead dab correspondent until November 18, 2015, 3:01 p.m. ET.