Bills DC Dennis Thurman Recalls Time He Was Arrested for Pretending to Rob Bank

In what will surely stand as the most interesting roster move of the NFL preseason, the Buffalo Bills announced they claimed former New York Jet and noted pugilist IK Enemkpali off waivers Wednesday, sparking a firestorm of memes and as many questions as to the wisdom and motives behind the move.

Bills staff members have been quick to explain the rationale behind the acquisition, as Sports Illustrated's Peter King noted (h/t For The Win's Nate Scott) in his Thursday column.

Rex Ryan, a scant seven months removed from the house-cleaning that saw him and Jets general manager John Idzik get ousted from New York, knows how the move looks on the surface. However, he maintains picking up the man who hooked his former team's quarterback onto an operating table was strictly a football decision.

Another voice cosigning the move is Bills defensive coordinator Dennis Thurman, who used a very...unique...personal anecdote to defend the pickup.

Citing the immutable math of youthful ignorance, Thurman told King that he understand Enemkpali's position and that he himself had done some silly things when he was young—like that time he sort of, maybe, kind of tried to rob a bank in Southern California.

As Thurman tells it, the year was 1980, he had just finished his second year in the NFL as Dallas Cowboys defensive back, and he had returned home to visit family when he and a friend stopped by a local bank branch.

That's where, he says, he jokingly slid a piece of paper to a teller asking just how they might react if he treated the bank to a little heist:

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Why do young people do some of the things they do? I got into trouble, too. Hell, I walked into a bank one time, and I handed the teller a note saying, 'What would you do if I held up the bank?' She thought I was holding up the bank, and I went to jail for about eight hours.

"

So what you're saying, Dennis—and correct me if I'm wrong—but what you're basically trying to tell us is that you, uh, tried to...soft-rob a bank?

Because it sounds like a soft-rob, which I didn't know existed before now, but if ever the words "attempted soft-robbery" appeared in a news broadcast, I would bet it involved parchment, a politely worded hypothetical and all the temerity of a boy kicking a rock and asking his crush, "What would you do if I told you I...like you? Just kidding."

I'm not saying Thurman wanted to rob a bank. All I'm saying is that it if the teller had responded with flirty, "I don't know. Why don't you rob me and find out?" vibes, he would've had to consider it.

Even Thurman says he doesn't know what he was thinking at the time, and struggled mightily to explain himself when his NFL employers came knocking.

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They asked me, 'What were you doing?' I couldn't even explain it. It was so dumb and random on my part, but it happened. People do dumb [stuff] when they're young. If [the Cowboys] hadn't given me a second chance, I wouldn't be here right now.

"

Fortunately, the Cowboys kept Thurman around, and now that weird run-in with the law serves as a valuable frame of reference as he oversees today's crop of young, impressionable athletes. 

As for the incident itself, just remember, kids: Banks aren't a great place to try out your new material, and soft-robbery is still technically robbery.

Dan is on Twitter. He'd never rob you—unless you're into that kind of stuff.