We do not need this. We do not deserve it.
After all the high-flying wrecks and free-agency shadow games that stormed the North American sports media cycle this week, video evidence of an honest-to-God baseball fistfight comes as an embarrassingly rich gift.
But here we are, blessed with footage of two Alaska Baseball League head coaches attempting to knock each other's head off in front of God, countrymen and children.
According to KTUU's Kevin Wells, the fight began in the 14th inning of Wednesday night's game between the Peninsula Oilers and the Anchorage Bucs.
Bucs head coach Mike Grahovac got the ball rolling after being ejected for arguing with the home plate umpire about the strike zone. He then exchanged terse words with Oilers coach Kevin Griffin, who wasn't about to let that slide.
Grahovac (the larger man) got in Griffin's face and turned up the heat with a well-placed belly bump. Instantly, fists began to fly, and the team dugouts emptied onto the field for some relatively mild rough-housing.
Nothing the players did appeared to come anywhere near the level of the coach fight, which was a real bout with real punches that really connected—a rarity in baseball, where throwing a glove and going down in a tumble of bodies constitutes a "brawl."
Griffin landed the biggest fist of the night: a hard right cross that knocked Grahovac's hat and ear pen out in Saturday-morning-cartoon fashion. That's good fighting.
And here's a fun Easter egg: In the background, you'll notice a kid not six feet from the fight, learning some important life lessons about conflict resolution.
Good baseball fight? Great baseball fight.
Dan is on Twitter. Alaskan baseball is just hockey on grass.