You'll be hearing a lot about Kristaps Porzingis in the coming weeks.
The 7'1", 19-year-old prospect out of Latvia is Nightcrawler-ing up draft boards and garnering a frightening amount of ink as the 2015 NBA draft draws near. Bleacher Report is on Porzingis Watch. Grantland is dropping Porzingers. Everybody Porzing tonight.
But while the NBA is busy popping bottles of Kristaps—an intriguing vintage with notes of "upside" and "Darko"—the truth of the matter is, he's really not such a mysterious quantity.
At the end of the day, Kristaps Porzingis is just like the rest of us: out here hoping to take Rihanna to a fine seafood dinner.
According to SLAM's Abe Schwadron, the Latvian ballplayer said in a recent interview that if he could eat dinner with three other people, he'd take the singer on a double date with Jay Z and Beyonce. Seriously:
I believe this answers any questions about Porzingis being NBA-ready. However, he's also facing an uphill battle for Rihanna's heart.
We all know Philadelphia 76ers center Joel Embiid has already locked down and handcuffed the NBA Rihanna market. He's the league's foremost Rihanna thirster and probably the only one with a scrapbook of their pictures pasted together with Elmer's Glue (until J.R. Smith's diary is made public, that is).
But while Embiid has first-mover's advantage, it's been a hot minute since he's played any meaningful basketball, and news out of the 76ers front office indicate it could be some time before he does so again.
That means Porzingis is looking at a wide-open Rihanna woo window right now. Take her to the Ponderosa, Porzingis. I believe in you.
Dan is on Twitter, working overtime on Porzingis puns.