Better to Be a "Freak" in the NBA or a Pretty Boy with a PGA Tour Card?

Is it too soon to talk NBA? Trick question—it’s never too soon to talk hoops.

There are a couple of players in The League that I have so kindly begun to simply call "freaks" when I see them play. I am not referring to them as being freakishly talented; I am simply referring to them as actual freaks of nature.

Among my top rated freaks of the hardwood are LeBron James, Dwight Howard, and The "Big Freak Nasty"—Shaquille O’Neal.

Can you imagine what these guys are going to look like when they finally go through puberty?

The question at hand: Is it better to be a "freak" in the NBA or a pretty boy with your PGA tour card?

For this discussion we will use the sample cases of the NBA’s MVP, LeBron James and the prettiest of the pretty boys on the PGA tour, Adam Scott.

Let's start with physical stature:

The pastel pimpin’ prep, Adam Scott on the other hand stands 6ft even. A.S. can let Jack Johnson bump from his Ferrari without having to let the top down for more headroom.

At the proportional weight of 170 lbs., Scott can show off his manly/girly physique without being asked to bench press an inanimate object at any given time. I am not sure what the cake-eater was taught in grade school but Easter colors are not synonymous with primary colors. 

Endorsements:

Prince James, (not to be confused with King Kobe) definitely totes some top of the line sponsors. His off-the-court cash flow is on another planet. With outlandish endorsements from Nike, Vitamin Water, Upper Deck, Coke, State-Farm Insurance, Bubblicious, MSN, and Juice Batteries, LeBron is well on his way to becoming the first billionaire athlete.

He can throw on his Nike jump suit, blow some bubbles with LeBron’s Lightning Lemonade bubblegum, and ride his Range Rover all the way into a big brick wall aka the NBA playoffs.

This category is essentially impossible for Adam Scott to win but with a few key endorsements, the former top-five golfer is living lavishly. A "Rollie" on the wrist doesn’t look half bad, especially when you get them for free.

The audacious Aussie flaunts complimentary Rolexes, tailored Burberry attire, Titleist clubs, and can play as many rounds as he wants at his personally designed golf courses throughout Australia.

Relationships:

Bron Bron’s longtime girlfriend Savannah Brinson has a tattoo wrapping around her right-calf and onto her foot. Maybe she has been down since day one, maybe she is his baby’s momma, but I think he had a chance to take down Wilt’s other "scoring record" so I am officially bummed on his lady-friend.

A. Scott on the other hand is cashing in on his winning lottery ticket that God so kindly slipped into his sport coat. When I saw Scott posted up on a hedonistic beachfront with a bikini clad Kate Hudson I had to unbutton my jeans and moan as my salami sandwich was giving me indigestion. Damn you Adam Scott, damn you to hell.

LeBron James would certainly win in an arm-wrestling contest, which would almost be cool if they were both in a frat. But luckily for the world, life is not based on fraternity strength contests. Adam Scott’s freakishly good looks (insert Lil’ Wayne sound bite, “no homo”) give him the upper hand.

Money, money, money: LeBron James

To quote the all-knowing Wu Tang Clan: ‘C.R.E.A.M’. Cash Rules Everything Around Me. Lebron wins this one in a landslide.

Women: Adam Scott

Who needs substantial relationships based on dedication and long-lasting friendships when you are a professional athlete? I fully support Adam Scott wearing pink so as long as he is taking down a majority of my recent Google searches in the process. Pimp on playa…pimp on.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner: Pretty Boy Adam Scott